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Long term singleton

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by PinkCarnation41, Jun 16, 2018.

  1. PinkCarnation41

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    I came out to my family and friends 6 years ago in my late thirties. I'm aware that I'm gay because I've always felt attracted to women. I haven't been on a date or had a serious relationship for the past 6 years. I've drifted in and out of different LGBT groups. I'm starting to feel insecure and wonder whether I will ever meet the right person or be in a relationship. Is anyone else in a similar situation or have been in a similar situation in the past? If so how did you/do you cope? I'm feeling very sad tonight thinking about this. Moan over!
     
  2. normalwolverine

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    Yeah, I've lost count in terms of how many years it's been since I've dated or been in a relationship. It's somewhere around 6 years, like you said. I honestly don't think I'll ever be in another relationship again. And I'm not one of those clueless 20-something people whom you see on forums like this whining about not being able to find someone and being forever alone--I'm closer to your age.

    I understand the sadness and feel it sometimes. But I also think about all the things I didn't like about being in relationships, and I look at all the flaws in the relationships that people I know have...stuff I don't have to deal with. Mostly, I mourn because I've realized the kind of relationship I'd want doesn't really exist. I think there's a slight possibility it could if I met the right type of woman, but I think 99% of women aren't like that and it'd be nearly impossible to find her...or there'd be some other reason it'd fall apart if I did find her.

    But yeah, my boss is in his 60s and one of my co-workers is in her 60s, and they both just whine and whine about their partners and being married. My boss tells me all the time, "Don't ever get married." Almost all the married women in my family have told me I'm lucky. My sisters' marriages...ugh, just no. Of course, they're all in hetero relationships and that's got a lot to do with what doesn't appeal to me about their marriages, but that's not entirely the issue and I remember how my relationships with women sucked for me, too.

    So, I try to focus on what's good about being single.
     
  3. silverhalo

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    Hey I'm sorry you are feeling sad :frowning2:. Hugs. I came out in my mid 20's and before and during that time I definitely thought I would never meet anyone, so whilst I wasn't as old as you I can understand where you are coming from. I don't think it's easy to meet people even if you are straight and I think it is harder for LGBT people. I think it's good not to try and out too much pressure on yourself but that's definitely easier said than done. Do you have a good support network of friends/family?
     
  4. silverhalo

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    Hey, I'm curious what is it you are looking for in a relationship that you think doesn't exist?
     
  5. normalwolverine

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    To be succinct, the type of stuff you see on TV/movies in love stories.
     
  6. silverhalo

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    You mean like romantic, sweep you off your feet kind of stuff?
     
  7. normalwolverine

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    Kind of. Some romance would be nice--not her sweeping me off my feet, but more so me doing romantic things and it being appreciated/valued. And the parts in shows/movies where you can tell a woman how you feel about her and not have her use it against you or completely lose interest in you because there's no suspense/intrigue or game-playing going on. I just feel like you're not fully allowed to show how much you love someone, but characters on TV, in movies and in books do that all the time.

    And I'm sick of laundry lists. Characters on TV/in movies fall in love with an actual person and make relationship decisions based on how they feel about someone--not based on lists, status, material things, ambition, occupations, etc. There are even movies about this, i.e. someone falling in love with someone they never expected to, or someone dating someone else who checks off all the boxes but realizes this person is not right for them and this other person who doesn't check off all the boxes is right for them.
     
  8. silverhalo

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    Well I'm not saying it will change your opinion or even help you but I totally believe the relationship your crave is out there. I am in a relationship and it has most certainly never been based on lists or game playing or ticking off boxes. I do think it can be hard to find the right person but when you do it's totally worth it.
     
  9. normalwolverine

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    Yeah, I feel like I'm talking about American women/dating...not to offend any women on EC who are from the US. But I have definitely gotten the sense that there's a difference between women and dating in the US vs women and dating a lot of other places. I'm not going anywhere else, either. There was a time I really wanted to move from the US, but I've gotten a lot closer to my family since then.

    But yeah, I'm mostly over dating and relationships.
     
  10. azzi

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    What are you looking for in a woman?
     
  11. normalwolverine

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    Nothing anymore, lol. And I honestly feel like it doesn't matter. Like I was saying about the laundry lists, I can't really get past what other women are looking for.
     
  12. azzi

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    Ok, let me rephrase it. What can catch your attention?
     
  13. normalwolverine

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    I really still don't think it matters. But if she's really intelligent and into social issues, it's almost a foregone conclusion she's got my attention.
     
  14. azzi

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    Oh darn, now I just didnt make your list right there :weary: ok, carry on!
     
  15. normalwolverine

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    lol.

    Well, I'm not saying if you're not like that you can't get my attention. But the really intelligent, social issues thing is somewhat of a trump card for me. For example, I'm really into feminine women physically, but if I saw a butch woman brilliantly telling the absolute truth about some sociocultural issue, I'm definitely looking at her with an eyebrow raised.
     
  16. azzi

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    i get you :slight_smile: but like I said, I'm not that, i'm below average haha But I hope you can find that person your heart wants. It feels amazing to fall in love with someone, it's the greatest thing in the world.
     
  17. azzi

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    by the way, and with showing of emotions, I am kinda like that. I'm very transparent and I show what I feel. My heart acts faster than my brain, which usually puts me in trouble :disappointed_relieved:
     
  18. normalwolverine

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    Yeah, but all that other crap that comes with relationships is not the greatest thing in the world, lol...like I was telling PinkCarnation41. That's what makes me feel okay with being single most of the time.

    Don't you work in the medical field or something while you're saying you're below average? lol. And my whole point about American women--or how I see American women, anyway--is it's okay to have standards, but don't let the kind of standards I mentioned be absolutely everything. It has to be at least halfway about how someone makes you feel, the kind of person she/he is and how someone treats you, even if they don't fit some of your standards. I have standards, but I'm just not as stuck on them as I think most other American women are. I have definitely dated a below-average woman or two, lol. One of them was smart in other ways, though, i.e. ways other than school smarts and intellectualism.
     
    #18 normalwolverine, Jun 16, 2018
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2018
  19. azzi

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    Ok, first of, please stop saying American women. Dont generalize lol next will be my actual reply.. haha i type slow and like i said, my brain is slow
     
  20. normalwolverine

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    Sorry, not going to stop saying American women. Generalizing by its very nature means you're not talking about everyone in that group (even though, if I'm being honest...I do think I'm talking about every American woman, from what I've seen. If I didn't think that, I wouldn't be done with dating).