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Long term friends, is this feeling normal? please help

Discussion in 'Anonymous Support and Advice' started by Anonymous, Nov 15, 2017 at 8:05 AM.

  1. Anonymous

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    Hello, im just going to jump right into it. I have been friends with this girl for about 7 years now (we are both 21) and recently, probably for about a year now I have been getting very jealous when shes with anyone else. I am straight , at least i thought i was but recently i have been questioning it and im going crazy over it.

    She is openly bi sexual and has on many occasions confessed her love for me but i have always taken it as just an empty statement and never really thought into it much seeing as how most of these confessions are " I cant live without you " or " i wont be happy unless im with you" but generally these statements are followed by a joke about "needing dick" and laughing it off and just continuing with the day. There was one time we had even planned to sleep together, but unforeseen complications ruined the night and it never happened, nor have we ever talked about it, and soon after we both had boyfriends, but are now both single and these jealous feelings have resurfaced stronger than ever.

    After her breakup she has been sleeping around more than normal, and ive been noticing that ive been getting very jealous whenever she is with someone that may be sexually attracted to her, which if you knew her is damn near everyone. The jealousy festered to the point that i needed to just step back from the situation and kept to myself for a couple days, which ended up being over a week that we spent apart, we went from seeing each other every day to nothing for a week, not even a text.

    That week apart really made me think about my feelings, and realize that this may be more than just friendly jealousy and maybe i have more than just friendly feelings for her. i have always fantasized about being with a woman and have always been turned on by any lesbian anything but ive never thought much into it, ive just kind of assumed that girls get turned on by girls and thats just normal, not lesbian. lately though its always fantasies about her, some sexual but others are just fantasies about us just dating or being together for real and not just joking about it. I dont really understand what my feelings are right now, and i dont know if i should tell her if im so unsure, i wish i could just tell her how im feeling but i cant muster up the courage, and the fear of being shot down, or the thought losing my best friend over this has crippled me. I guess what really scares me is that her confessions to me that she cant live without me are just friendly and dont mean anything more than her wanting me in her life, or that she might even get mad at me for not confessing my own feelings. and if the "week of silence" showed me anything its that i cant risk losing her as a friend but i cant keep all these thoughts and feelings bottled up anymore. Quite a dilemma ive found myself in.
     
  2. Ruby Dragon

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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I've noticed the same jealousy when I was 11, even when my female friends were just talking to boys or even to other girls. I didn't understand it at the time, and certainly didn't know about LGBT stuff.

    It wasn't until the age of 16, that those feelings came back, and I started exploring that side of myself. Had my first same-sex kiss with my then best friend's lesbian sister. It opened a whole new world for me in terms of sexuality and everything that goes with it.

    But I only officially came out in 06/06/2012. I initially came out as lesbian, only to later come out again, as bisexual. My main attractions are to men, but I really want a girlfriend again.

    I'm going to ask you a few questions:

    • When you picture your future - is it with a man or woman?
    • When you're out in public, which gender do you notice more?
    • Linking to the previous question: Is it admiration (appreciating their good looks/wanting to be them) or is it attraction? (Wanting to be with them)
    • Can you picture yourself holding hands, cuddling, kissing, having sex with a woman? What about with a man? How does either one make you feel with regards to arousal or interest?
    Hope this helps :slight_smile:
     
  3. Anonymous

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    I can’t say for sure what your sexuality is because only you know what your sexuality is. But maybe there is something there if you are fantasizing about dating her and being together with her and maybe you do have more than friendly feelings for her. It sounds like you may. I know you said you don’t know what your feelings are for her yet, but I think you should try to tell her what your feeling even if it’s that you may have feelings for her but are still unsure as of yet. Next time you talk to her, just ease it into the conversation. It's best to tell her how your feeling. Don't let things build up. Spend time with her, and then you can decide if you think you have more than friendly feelings for her. As for the girl, I don’t think she would be saying confessions like that if she was just being friendly. Those sound like more than friendly confessions. Try not to worry about her getting mad. I don't think you have to worry.
     
  4. Anonymous

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    I forgot to mention, but the thing about the jealousy makes me think that you like her in more than just a friendly way. That sounds like a more than friends thing.