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Long distance relationships

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Fuzzy, Aug 26, 2020.

  1. Fuzzy

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    I feel tied to my location for various reasons, but I am falling for someone who is about an hour and a half drive from me. I can't expect her to leave her friends and career for me... should I let things develop between us and see where it goes, or should I keep it at friendship?
     
  2. LostInDaydreams

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    Hi @Fuzzy,

    That must be a difficult decision to make and even more so because you’re factoring in things that haven’t happened yet. I think I would feel very torn.

    Tolerance of distance is something that I think varies from person to person and couple to couple. As you say, individual circumstances are a big part of this decision. For me, when I was at university and dating my ex, an hour distance felt easily manageable, but with a child, a full time job and less (or no) ability to move, that would now be much harder.

    What would you say to somebody in the same situation?
     
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  3. Andrew7

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    At least it's still possible to meet (I assume) despite being long distance. You could always consider meeting at a place halfway then it's 45 minutes each.
     
  4. PatrickUK

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    It is a distance, but it's not unmanageable. When we talk about long-distance relationships we often mean across a vast country or different countries. A 90 minute journey is not so bad.

    I think you are looking too far ahead and making assumptions that don't need to be made right now. As you are only at the "falling for" someone stage you haven't really allowed anything to develop that would necessitate questions or conversations about longer term arrangements. If/when a relationship becomes established you can address these issues and formulate a plan together. Trust me, when love blossoms, all sorts of fixed ideas about location diminish. Don't allow these thoughts to get in the way of something that just might work.
     
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  5. Fuzzy

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    We have met once, FaceTimed once, texted all day long many times, and have plans to meet again. I am an adult who has been married and divorced, but I never really dated much and now their are more complications than there would have been back then... we actually both have kids and shared custody with our exes... both have full time jobs. I know I am looking pretty far ahead, but that is what I do...
     
  6. silverhalo

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    Of course it depends on the individuals involved but I dont think that distance is too bad, it is possible to go there and back in a day and totally manageable for the weekend. My relationship started with a 3 hour distance, it was tricky at times but it can work if both people want it to
     
  7. olderwiser

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    I am going to apologize right up front if this comes out negative, the truth of the matter is that long distance relationships have just not worked out for me. I have to admit, I am a dyed in the wool romantic through and through, top to bottom and side to side. No matter how hard I tried the end was always the same, I was sweeping up the broken pieces of my heart and saying never again will I do that. Did I do it again, sure, remember the romantic part? I have done this (n) number of times, being a slow learner, These days I am looking closer in. Oh yes, I forgot to mention I am a recently out bisexual besides the above mentioned romantic, think I should have some better luck, at least I hope so.
     
  8. silverhalo

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    I don't think you should apologise, its your truth, for you it hasn't worked and that is fact.
     
  9. bluehorizon

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    I met my now-partner in a computer game in 2007. When we agreed that we were both interested in possibly meeting in person, it turned out that we were only 60 miles apart. We got along well and started spending weekends together. Over time, thanks to our compatibility and jobs with flexibility, I spent more and more time working remotely from his place. Finally, when I retired in 2015, I sold my place and moved in with him.
    So I'm in the "let things develop between us and see where it goes" camp. :slight_smile:
     
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  10. KeLeWi

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    While a long-distance relationship is not ideal, I do think it can develop into something wonderful where you find a way to close the distance. If you both feel a strong connection now, I think you owe it to yourselves to see where it goes. Love can always find a way.
     
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  11. Fuzzy

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    I am not sure how she feels... I will just take it as it comes.