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Lonely and scared

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by NallaV, Aug 16, 2017.

  1. NallaV

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2017
    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi all. There is a lot to say and i'm sorry if this comes out as a jumbled mess. I have been struggling with coming out for about two years. It all feels so surreal, like at any moment my mind is going to say "just kidding, I thought it would be funny to screw with everything you thought you knew about yourself. You are straight and can stay with your husband." I am married and have kids and I have really tried to force myself to be happy but more and more I didn't find my husband attractive. Then the romance started to feel more like friendship. Eventually i realized i was hanging onto him because it was comfortable and safe. He is so understanding, supportive, and wants me to be happy. He wants me to find a girl and fall in love, and I want the same for him. Still, its hard when we have been together almost 8 years and he is the first person I have ever let my walls down with because of all the abuse I dealt with growing up. I'm scared I won't be able to open up to another person again. I don't have any lesbian friends or family, we don't even have a gay bar anymore. I don't know where to find support and am hoping I can find it here. My mom has been dropped from my life for all the abuse she gave me when I was growing up and when I tried to talk to her she said "don't say the L word...I know what you mean." It makes me scared for how other people will take the news. I have been pretty secluded since I decided to come out for fear of what others will say or if I will lose them and anyone that has toddlers will understand why its so important to have people in your life.
     
  2. Leela80

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2017
    Messages:
    75
    Likes Received:
    83
    Location:
    Idaho
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I'm not out yet in any way but am married with young children. I too have a hard time letting people in. But I feel like part of the reason I can't let people in is because of the secret I keep. I hope as time progresses I can show my true self and that will help me to let some of my walls come down. You are not alone.
     
  3. kenn

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2017
    Messages:
    66
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    destiny islands
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I think everyone or at least a large portion of people feel the surrealistic feeling when coming out in a uncertain circumstance. I know it can be a little more complex when family gets involved but if someone doesn't want to interact with you solely off of finding out about your attraction to the same gender, there not important and weren't real friends to begin with.

    Just some thoughts