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Loneliness

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Kyrielles, Aug 29, 2020.

  1. Kyrielles

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    I think I'm officially over loving all the alone time of being single amd just having space. After ending a 5+ year relationship a couple months ago I find myself extremely lonely.

    Over the span of my relationship I also managed to drift away from all of my friends aside from one who I always kept in touch with because he seemed to be the only one who wanted to keep in touch, lol. But he's way too toxic for me to be hanging around with, for the first time hanging out in years we got wasted and he tried his to best to get me to hookup with a married woman, so probably not hanging out with him again for awhile. And I don't really want to reach out to any of my other old friends, they all have lives now, most are married with children, or have moved hours upon hours away. Not to mention I dont really wanna be the girl who is only messaging and trying to hangout because she's lonely now when after all the years I didn't make an effort.

    Ugh. It really sucks being lonely, and this feels like an entire new level of lonely. I live in a rural southern town so there's not a ton of options on places to meet people to make new friends, and there's definitely no options on meeting fellow lesbians. Not that I'm actively seeking a relationship anyway. I keep finding myself hanging out with my ex which may not be a good thing, but I do still love her as a friend, and she still wants to be more than friends. So ultimately my loneliness leads me into bad decisions and doing things I don't want and know I shouldn't be doing. Yet the cycle continues because I have absolutely no idea of how to not be lonely or make friends near me. Any advice appreciated, but I'm not expecting anything, just kind of wanted to rant about it. Thanks.
     
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  2. QuietPeace

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    I know what it is to be lonely after the end of a relationship. I am in the process of getting a divorce and I am also lonely.

    Some advice which, I am bad at implementing myself, is that you should not get into another relationship or even date until after you have recovered from the loss. Rebound relationships just don't work. The formula that I have heard is that you should wait at least 6 months plus one month for every year of the relationship that has just ended. It helps you gain perspective. I have gotten into relationships too fast and they have all been disasters.

    You should probably work on finding friends and spending time with them. I also found that doing volunteer work helps occupy my time and helps me heal. Spend time doing something you like that can be done with other people, this is a good way of meeting friends because of common interests. Of course all of my relationships have been disasters so I might not be the best person to give advice. Mostly I am repeating what I have been told.
     
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  3. Kyrielles

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    Hey, thanks for your response. I agree with what you say about waiting for a relationship after a breakup. I'm not really trying to find a relationship. Haha, I'm just hanging out with my ex alot because I have zero friends at the moment. And I agree I do need to make some friends, its just not that easy given my location.

    Volunteering sounds like a fun idea to look into, but considering the population in my area there probably isn't much volunteer work. I also work a job so sometimes I don't have a ton of time. Everyone I work with are married older people so I'm out of luck finding friends there. And I feel so wrong spending so much time and doing things with my ex when she has hopes of getting back together and I don't. I just feel so out of options on finding friends near me who aren't toxic and its rough.
     
  4. QuietPeace

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    @Kyrielles I know that now is a bad time for it, and it might be difficult any time. If things are that difficult where you are maybe you should look into moving? I wish that I had put a whole lot more effort into changing my location when I was younger. You could start with a low key job search in places where life might be a bit easier to be out and where there might be more people to meet.
     
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  5. Lin1

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    How far are you from the nearest big city? I am someone who is super friend with her ex BUT I remember reading your posts and realizing your ex is fairly toxic, so I would not advise making her your friend until way down the line. If you live close enough to a bigger town I would go explore there for a while.
     
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  6. Kyrielles

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    I've taken this into consideration, but moving is easier said than done, plus it's fairly expensive. I'm not in the right place of life right now to be able to move on my own. But eventually maybe a good thought.

    I'm like 2 hours from the closest city, which isn't too big of a city, but it is LGBTQ friendly and there's a few bars/clubs that are LGBTQ friendly, in my younger years my friends and I or gf and I would adventure around. But given everything thats going on right now (covid 19) alot of places are closed or have limits. Not to mention that I usually work on the weekends and at the moment money is sparse. And I know I shouldn't be hanging out with my ex, but its just so difficult when I really have no one, and sometimes she just shows up. It's probably wrong of me also because on some level I feel like I'm leading her on, but I don't know what to do and I don't fully want to be alone in general.
     
  7. Lucy Marie

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    You seem to be forgetting something important here. Hmmmm, what could that be? Ah, yes, the support of people on this website. Now, I am old, (quick someone say I am not—birthday on Monday yikes) and back in my day there was nothing like this. I know online relationships are not same as in real life, but you can mix and match. Do you have someone for a virtual date? You and they watch something on TV together at same time and chat? Or read a book together and discuss. Find experiences you can share from a distance. Learning to enjoy your own company is a skill you will always need—you are just learning it early.
    ((momhugs))
     
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  8. Kyrielles

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    Thanks for the kind words... I'm not exactly looking to date however, I just want a friend irl. Haha. I enjoy basic chit chat online with strangers, but it's not the same as being friends. I just want someone to hangout with, do things with, and have conversations with in person. Being friends online just feels different and I don't really trust people enough online to share personal info, it's always seemed rather dangerous to me. But I'm a weirdo also, sooo. Haha. But thanks for the advice :slight_smile:
     
  9. mlansing

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    I’ve been feeling lonely too but in my case mainly because I’m paranoid to go out much for fear of catching covid (and I live by myself). I do feel like covid is magnifying feelings like loneliness for a lot of people. You’re definitely not alone in that.

    It sucks too because I really want to fall in love and start a family and a life with someone, but it always feels just out of reach. I believe it can happen and I hope that it will, but it’s requiring patience in the meantime.
     
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  10. Kyrielles

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    Agree. I'm paranoid of COVID too, I just don't mention it alot because I have no where to go anyway. Haha. It definitely assists in magnifying the feelings though and making it feel as if it's never going to be possible to meet people. The world is definitely a sad place for everyone right now.

    On the brighter side of things I suppose we still have time, and good things will happen given time. Thanks for your response/kind words. We just gotta keep that patience and good things will happen eventually. Wish you all the best in your journey as well :slight_smile:
     
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