1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

loneliness

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by fadedstar, Sep 28, 2018.

  1. Rade

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2018
    Messages:
    1,180
    Likes Received:
    630
    Location:
    Bedford UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Like your reply, it wouldn't let me like it... lol, I was also blown away by lone Wolf post....at least he has survived this awful mess.
     
  2. Brandy Bee

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2018
    Messages:
    184
    Likes Received:
    89
    Location:
    Ontario
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    While not a substitute for a romantic partner, a dog can certainly help relieve loneliness.
     
  3. Lone Wolfe

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2018
    Messages:
    148
    Likes Received:
    79
    Location:
    Washington
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    -> My heart is aching for a sweet and sensitive human being who actually "gets me" on an emotional level.

    Me too, but that is not where it starts. You first have to have friends. One of them will end up being the special one.

    -> It's hard not to blame myself and be angry towards myself...

    What did you do to get yourself into this situation? What are you blaming yourself for?

    -> ... literally petrified of putting myself out there due to my insecurities.

    Maybe start by just making a few acquaintances. I would go someplace public and sit down. Wait until somebody else sits near you and start a conversation about the weather. Compliment their shirt/jacket. They will either talk back or get up and leave. Cool. If they get up and leave, they are making room for somebody else who will stay and chat. You gotta start somewhere.

    -> I got socially and emotionally burned a lot growing up. It's made it really difficult for me to trust people and put myself out there.

    That is in your past. Leave it there and move on. Tomorrow is a new day. If you truly want to meet somebody, you have to start somewhere.
    Aside from it being both against the rules, and physically impractical, I would be delighted to meet you somewhere to chat. In fact, this place serves that purpose too, without the face-to-face part.
     
  4. Lone Wolfe

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2018
    Messages:
    148
    Likes Received:
    79
    Location:
    Washington
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    -> I admire your strength. Some people get so bitter about homosexuality and are convinced it is a choice, and a wicked one at that.

    I'm not sure if was so much about strength, as survival. It didn't kill me. I got sick and tired of crying all the time. One day it just hit me that I needed to move on. That's when my life started over.

    TBH - I took myself back to when I was single (before marriage). I had a good life then, so as much as possible, I began putting myself back to how things were when I was single. I realized I didn't have any current gay friends (marriage will do that to you), so my quest begins. I can't blame myself for what happened, only if I sit alone at home and cry about it - Not.
     
  5. Rade

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2018
    Messages:
    1,180
    Likes Received:
    630
    Location:
    Bedford UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Love your positivity, and even though you have come from a dark place your moving forward......I think it's about networking, that's why I go to groups....
     
  6. Lone Wolfe

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2018
    Messages:
    148
    Likes Received:
    79
    Location:
    Washington
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    -> that's why I go to groups....

    Which groups are you going to, if I may ask?
     
  7. Rade

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2018
    Messages:
    1,180
    Likes Received:
    630
    Location:
    Bedford UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I live in the UK about an HR from London... I belong to three LGBT groups so go out about three times a month. One is a bring and share meal, one meets in a coffee shop and the other is a meal out in a pub or restaurant...I have made three friends in the past three months. One guy I have become close too and perhaps it would develop into more who knows...
    I have three kids and in London there is a gay dad's group which I might attend one day...that really interests me...
    Hope your ok today?
     
  8. Lone Wolfe

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2018
    Messages:
    148
    Likes Received:
    79
    Location:
    Washington
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    -> Hope your ok today?

    I’m doing fine. I’m planning ahead for next year when my situation will be changing and could result in me feeling more lonely than I do now. I’m going to go to a ‘gay’ church on Sunday to see what that is about. I need to find some more groups.
     
  9. Rade

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2018
    Messages:
    1,180
    Likes Received:
    630
    Location:
    Bedford UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Good for you, one of the group's I attend is within a church setting but you don't have to be religious to join it. People come from all walks of life which is nice and inclusive....
    I have just woken up from a nightmare, and I'm not joking....in my dream my apartment had been trashed and robbed. I felt awful then realized it was a dream....I think it's part of me getting used to living alone. So I'm drinking coffee now and feel calmer....
    Horrible.....
     
  10. Lone Wolfe

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2018
    Messages:
    148
    Likes Received:
    79
    Location:
    Washington
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Sorry to hear about your nightmare. Having animals around means I sleep more soundly, as I’m used to them moving around during the night.
    Coffee doesn’t keep you awake? I doesn’t interfere with my sleeping, other than I need to get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom.
     
  11. Lone Wolfe

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2018
    Messages:
    148
    Likes Received:
    79
    Location:
    Washington
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    -> I think it's part of me getting used to living alone. So I'm drinking coffee now and feel calmer....
    Horrible.....

    For some reason, I am feeling your loneliness. I just felt a wave of it come over me. Do you work tomorrow? Is there a chance your area will get some snow tonight? You’ve been living with another for a long time, and this needs getting used to. Is it too early to just get up and have a long, drawn out breakfast?
     
  12. Rade

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2018
    Messages:
    1,180
    Likes Received:
    630
    Location:
    Bedford UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hello
    I managed a couple of hrs sleep, I'm working today. Since I left home my sleep has been poor, I take time to settle in new places I sleep, even when I go on holiday!!
    I think the nightmare might be as I'm over tired.....
    I live in the UK in the south so it only snows a few times most Winters but it gets very cold and worst still damp.....
     
  13. UMedusa

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2018
    Messages:
    175
    Likes Received:
    149
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    All but family
    @Lone Wolfe Have you looked at a meet up website? Here on the US coastal southeast, it has a lot of options that are pretty much any sort of activity you can think of with a LGBTQ+ version of it. Even if not specifically for our crowd, there are many adult meet up groups that can get you out and social. I have loved the site after moving and deciding not to drink alcohol anymore, so the ease of hanging around new pubs and bars wasn't an option for me.
     
    #33 UMedusa, Nov 22, 2018
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 7, 2018
  14. Lone Wolfe

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2018
    Messages:
    148
    Likes Received:
    79
    Location:
    Washington
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    -> Have you looked at a meet-up website?

    I haven't, but thanks for the info, I will look it up.

    -> deciding not to drink alcohol anymore,

    A couple of months ago, I got a craving for a Bailey's (Irish Creme). I crushed some ice and had one. Within an hour I got sicker than a dog. That will teach me. I used to be able to drink anybody under the table. Not any more.
     
  15. Lone Wolfe

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2018
    Messages:
    148
    Likes Received:
    79
    Location:
    Washington
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    -> Since I left home my sleep has been poor,

    I'm reaching out here, so ignore if none of this fits your situation -

    I felt a really dark room, so put a nightlight someplace in the kitchen (for example) so the place is not so dark; It was also pretty cold, so you need more blanket layers, comforters etc. It was also really quiet (still silence), which is what it feels like while it snows at night. Maybe one of those white-noise makers might break up the silence. I run a hepa filter air purifier, which I can faintly hear at night.

    -> I think the nightmare might be as I'm over tired.....

    Your mind runs amok in the evenings. Time for a good book (not Harry Potter). I am working on two books - Dangerous, by Milo Yiannopoulos and Origin, by Dan Brown. Check them out.

    -> I live in the UK in the south

    My heritage hails from just outside Aylesbury, so I know your area. Bed-Buck-Hurts.
     
  16. UMedusa

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2018
    Messages:
    175
    Likes Received:
    149
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Great advice!! I did a lot of the same things over time. It would have helped me to have someone say to do those things and gosh, I didn't even think to articulate how helpful stuff like that is/was! I got a little tiffany lamp that's always on in a central spot in the house. I actually got a new bed. Then, proper bedding for one, which included warmth and a body pillow. For the first while alone every night, I would sometimes go to sleep with my headphones on. Nothing loud, sometimes talking, sometimes music, sometimes meditative noise stuff. Things like that help, for sure.
     
  17. Lone Wolfe

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2018
    Messages:
    148
    Likes Received:
    79
    Location:
    Washington
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    -> Have you looked at a meet-up site?

    Thanks for the suggestion - what a gold mine. It was exactly what I was looking for and needed. Thanks again.
     
  18. UMedusa

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2018
    Messages:
    175
    Likes Received:
    149
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Yay! Happy it helped. :slight_smile: I felt very much the same way when I found it.
     
  19. Rade

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2018
    Messages:
    1,180
    Likes Received:
    630
    Location:
    Bedford UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hello Lone Wolfe....
    Thank you for all your advice, it's much appreciated.....
    I will try some of your tips still not sleeping great. I suppose my body clock is out of sorts....I used to go to bed by 10pm but the last few months it's been 12 or 1 am, so I'm not getting enough sleep. Moving out has made it worse. I woke twice last night but at least no nightmares....
    I live in Bedford, Bedfordshire it's a smallish town though everywhere in the UK is so much busier these days....
    I would like to go and live in the Mediteranian, Spain or Cyprus, love the warmth and after 43 yes here it's time for change....
    Hope your having a good day....
     
  20. Lone Wolfe

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2018
    Messages:
    148
    Likes Received:
    79
    Location:
    Washington
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    -> still not sleeping great.

    My wife used to give me either Excedrine PM or Tylenol PM. Neither are prescription, and neither are particularly powerful. Just a little 'nudge' to get you to sleep. Boots should have something similar.

    -> I live in Bedford, Bedfordshire

    My main home is in Washington (state). Like the birds, I go south for the winter. Winters in Washington are brutal. Talk about 40 days and 40 nights. My winter home is in the mountains of Southern California. The place is at just over 6000 feet (about 1850 meters) elevation, surrounded by pine trees, and gets some snow each year. I always look forward to it, as it is still special to me. I spent a year living in Bruxelles, where I also flew south to Majorca for the winter break. I understand the Mediterranean attraction. That's going to be a problem for you however given the mess that is Brexit. I know, wrong subject, forgive me.

    I would love to hear you've gotten the sleep issue under control.