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loneliness

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by fadedstar, Sep 28, 2018.

  1. fadedstar

    fadedstar Guest

    Is there anything that can get rid of real loneliness aside from another human that actually gives a fuck a bout you? Sometimes I feel so lonely that it's physically painful, it's like when you've just been in the ocean and the cold has gone right to your bones. I just want that magical person to enter my life so we can lie in bed together and hold each other for ever. But I'm sacred it's too late or it will never happen...
     
  2. Love4Ever

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    I understand this completely. I wonder sometimes if I will be forever alone. :frowning2:
     
  3. Nightlight

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    I understand. For me I'm more worried about having real friends at all. Not having a significant other would not be as scary as having no friends, but it wold still suck. It's not like relationships can be forced, might as well just wait for it to happen one day. Until then try to be the best person you can be, that's what I'm trying to do right now.
     
  4. wannahavechange

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    Well first you have to be ok with being alone. Learn to like yourself, because if you don't like yourself then who else will.
    Pop culture came up with the whole introvert, extrovert thing tbh and I feel like that effects a lot of people and dating. i can spend time with people and feel energized afterward. Forget the myth that extroverts feel lonely after leaving a group, and i can stay inside and knit a blanket while having background music on without wishing someone was here.I give a lot of relationship advice to my gay friends and straight friends . Being alone can teach you to watch other people and gain insight.
    I think heavy introspection is needed. Ask yourself why you want to be in a relationship .Is it because you see everyone else around you in one? Is it because you feel left out of something?then make a list of things you've to offer and make a separate list of your ideal partner.
    I found when i made my list of qualities in my partner, they were things i admire and aspired to be myself. what you wish to see in others you must first ignite it within yourself (quoting a meme i found online and I'm loving it lolz).
    Don't worry that special someone will come to you. Just keep a stuff upper lip.
     
  5. ghostly

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    I understand how you feel. I have social anxiety disorder so I am very familiar with loneliness. Just know that it’s absolutely never too late- to talk to someone or to make a new friend. Circumstances change all the time and new opportunities are constantly arising. Just keep your heart open and things just might get better. Sorry if this sounds vague, I myself am still trying to figure it out
     
    #6 ghostly, Oct 6, 2018
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2018
  6. Rade

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    I think you made a valid point, you do need to love yourself. Do things that make the individual happy. I think friendships and relationships then follow on.
    I'm a recently out bi/gay man. I now do things just for me, I want to meet a partner but I also don't want to rush and have regrets later on. .Rade
     
  7. Rade

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    EC needs an annual get together LOL
     
  8. Love4Ever

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    I agree. I would love to meet some of the nice people here.
     
  9. bulbul

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    I see that you live in the U.K. Right? Which means that you can talk to people about what's bothering you and just be yourself without being judged, which is an advantage that a lot of us don't have I'm afraid, so make use of it, I believe in the healing powers of talking about your issues, if only to make the pain less.
     
  10. fadedstar

    fadedstar Guest

    My heart is aching for a sweet and sensitive human being who actually "gets me" on an emotional level. I know it wouldn't miraculously make everything in my life better but it would probably make life much more bearable. To know someone actually values me on a deep level for once.

    It's hard not to blame myself and be angry towards myself for not having that and never having had that at 27 despite coming out and "accepting" myself at 22. I've spent what could have been some of the best years of my life trapped in the same situation. Believe it or not I don't enjoy wallowing in this state of misery and isolation. I am just so used to being alone and literally petrified of putting myself out there due to my insecurities. I got socially and emotionally burned a lot growing up. It's made it really difficult for me to trust people and put myself out there.
     
  11. Rade

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    As some of you know, I moved a week ago, leaving ex wife and 3 kids...I still see them. But I'm really feeling this thread right now too. I would love a partner, it's not just sex but someone to hold, cuddle up to, have a conversation with.....
    Like others have said we have to learn to love ourselves, I like to run but due to severe stress and a stinking cold I can't but will soon.
     
  12. Pseudo

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    I'm feeling you too, Fadedstar. I just never meet anyone or manage to connect to them on any real level that goes beyond 'friendly but not actually friends.' I've been forcing myself to go to Meetup groups recently, and whilst I think it has built my confidence there are still no real friendships that have formed. There are some LGBTQ+ groups but they're a bit far away for me to go to.
    As for relationships I only seem to fancy straight girls and I've never had a girl show interest in me. I might seem 'too straight.' The boys that have asked me out aren't at all my type (I'm starting to think I'm more inclined towards girls even though I've only been with men). I think I'm too guarded, I'm only really open when I'm drunk. One of my friends, who's trans, only knows any of the things about me she knows because we got overly drunk together a few times. Without being melodramatic I've had to accept I'm likely to be be alone forever and will have just have to accept it. I just want someone to talk to and go out with, whether that be a good platonic friend or (ideally) a romantic partner. I love hiking, camping and travelling, but not on my own. I love texting and chatting with people, but my friends that I am still in contact with have their own lives and don't really have the time for me. I think I come across as very self-sufficient and independent, I can push down the loneliness most of the time and do my best to ignore it but whenever something else goes wrong it comes raring to the fore to make everything ten times worse. I know what you feel at those times, it feels like it's ripping me in half.
    I joined a loneliness forum lately, but when I looked at the threads it seemed to be full of trolls waiting to jump down people's throats so I never bothered posting.
    I like it on here, everyone seems friendly and supportive, though it's a bit quieter than I expected.
     
  13. Lone Wolfe

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    So life goes in circles. Finding others in similar situations means others relate to your feelings. I am also recently on my own, starting over. I am fortunate to have gotten the dogs in the separation, so I have two loving beings around me. No sex, but at least I know I am needed and loved. Try working on one thing at a time, try finding somebody for good conversation. I’m looking for some gay friends, just for conversation. I would also love someone to cuddle that would cuddle me back, but that will come later, not likely sooner. I’m willing to take things in steps.
     
  14. Rade

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    Thanks, really liked your post, animals can be such company, if I weren't at work all day I would consider getting one....
    It's hard like you know, we had 20 yrs together me and ex wife..
    I walked away with very little, left it all for my kids....I go to a few LGBT local groups which helps....it's the dark evenings which depress me.
    Anyway on a positive and even though my cold not fully gone, managed a 20 minute run this morning and had my kids in the afternoon....
    Yeah like we both said, it's the companion ship we need, but like you, these things take time....as I've only just moved I have loads to sort out, I took some stuff to charity shop today....
    I'm still emotionally attached to ex wife though it's easing now. She rushed into another relationship and I suppose I have some jealous feelings or im envious....
    Do you see your ex?
     
    #15 Rade, Nov 18, 2018
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2018
  15. Lone Wolfe

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    -> It's hard like you know, we had 20 yrs together me and ex wife..

    Mine texted me "See you when you get home" only she had cleared out the house and left me a can of soup on the counter. This after 36 years is beyond belief. It has taken some time to get to grips with, and at this point in time, I am convinced that I did not do anything wrong. Rather than chase it down, I am on chapter two of my book of life, and looking forward to new experiences.

    ->....it's the dark evenings which depress me.

    Those are tough. Put some music on, try to keep busy. I read a lot (wonder why).

    -> as I've only just moved I have loads to sort out, I took some stuff to charity shop today....

    The more you get rid of, the more your new life will start to resemble "your new life". I had to buy new silverware as she took what we had. Everything I have had to replace is part of my new life alone.

    -> I'm still emotionally attached to ex wife though it's easing now. She rushed into another relationship and I suppose I have some jealous feelings

    Sadly, she has moved on. Now it is your turn. Keep looking forward, not backward.

    ->...Do you see your ex?

    It has been hard to accept, but better for both that she simply dropped off the face of the earth. I have not had any contact with either her or my son for the past three years. I finally accepted that if they want nothing to do with dad, that it has to be ok with me as well. Again, I'm looking forward, not backward. I hope they are well, but I'm not hunting anybody down.
     
  16. Rade

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    Well I'm sad that you have had it so hard....I really feel for you....but you have a positive outlook on life and your moving forward and these two things are really important....the dogs must be such company for you....no disrespect to women but like men they can be so uncaring and cruel. My ex wife has washed her hands of me....All I had from the house was a bed, Hoover and a few old cooking utensils and plates. We only moved two years ago and I put thousands of pounds into furnishings. But I have yesterday drawn a line under it all and will move forward.....
    Thanks for your advice, I like music and reading, like you say I must look forward and not to look back anymore, that's why I'm letting go....
    I have three kids with her, aged 13 10 and 6. My eldest knows I'm not straight after the night before I left ex screamed it out to my daughter. When ex went out I sat my daughter down and we chatted, she don't care what my sexuality is, she just loves me.....
     
    #17 Rade, Nov 18, 2018
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2018
  17. Loves books

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    I got my dog because I was lonely. She’s always thrilled to see me,she’s a great listener, always wants to sit next to me or on me and isn’t a picky eater. I’m still lonely but a loving animal helps.
     
  18. Rade

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    Animals are great I'm sure and they don't answer back, are not rude and are grateful....
     
  19. UMedusa

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    WOW. Just... wow. That must have been so hard to overcome. ((hug)) Wow. Your story is harrowing and full of hope. I admire your strength. Some people get so bitter about homosexuality and are convinced it is a choice, and a wicked one at that.