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little homophobic jab in wedding speech

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by mochii, Oct 3, 2015.

  1. mochii

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    I went to the most beautiful wedding for a longtime family friend last night. The best man's speech was so touching and funny..and then it got to a part that irked me a little. He said something to the effect of, "He has dated one girl before his wife. Yes one girl, in seventh grade. And to my knowledge, she is now married to a woman." And the wedding audience burst out in laughter. Everyone turned to each other and asked who it was. And my mom was saying she remembered "the lesbian girl."

    I know he was making a little jab at his friend, and before realizing I was gay, I would have been in on the laughter as well. But now I see the situation as a girl who could have been confused about her sexuality and trying to make things work with guys.

    I think I'm hurt so much because I am still working on coming out eventually and I look to my family and close friends for how they react to gay topics, and seeing them think that situation was wildly hilarious makes me think everyone thinks gay people are a joke (obviously that opinion isn't unheard of).

    So yeah am I valid for being hurt by a joke like that? Or should I brush it off and move on in my coming out goals?
     
  2. Distant Echo

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    I feel like it was meant to be a dig at him. He was so bad as a boyfriend, he 'turned' her. Not a dig at the girlfriend.
    Your Mother's reaction though...that I'm not so sure about.
     
  3. awesomeyodais

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    Maybe we're not a joke but we're often a convenient punchline to a joke.

    As inamirrordarkly posted I don't think the joke was directed at her. However it's poor taste, shows a lack of understanding of the whole "turning gay" myth and lack of what HR people call "diversity sensitivity" nowadays. It's not like people being traumatized seeing animals slaughtered when they were kids then deciding to go vegan...
     
  4. galaxygia

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    Hmm I think that you can just brush off that one, I don't think it was meant to be malicious in any way, just a joke that fell flat with certain people. :/ There's nothing in the context that seems to be against LGBT people so I'd just forget about it.

    I'd wonder a little more, though, about your mom's reaction... That I'm not so sure about.
     
  5. OGS

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    I honestly wouldn't be bothered by either the joke or your Mother's comment. If we're going to advocate for visibility and equality I don't think it makes sense to get offended every time someone notices us.
     
  6. SemiCharmedLife

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    I wouldn't take any offense to it if it were me.

    Funny story: I had a gf in college, we broke up, and are now best friends. I was actually a groomsman in her wedding, though I wasn't out at the time. I gave a toast at her rehearsal dinner that had people asking "are you sure you shouldn't be marrying him instead?" Then a year and a half later I came out and it was obvious why she didn't marry me.
     
  7. bubbles123

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    I think your mom's comment shows she's just kind of ignorant in general about the LGBT+ community. This doesn't necessarily mean she's a downright homophobe, but she probably just hasn't known a lot of gay people personally so she doesn't fully grasp or understand how it's offensive. I think to get a better idea, you should focus more on how she feels about LGBT+ rights in general and not read too much into her remark.
     
    #7 bubbles123, Oct 4, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2015
  8. mochii

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    Hey y'all thanks for the feedback. I'm overly sensitive to this whole coming out process. It's interesting for me to see how often gay jokes are thrown around, like the whole turning a boyfriend/girlfriend gay theme. Yup it was probably comic relief, and like awesomelyodais added we're often the punchline. But in light of the LGBTQIA+ movement, there are more important things to worry about than a little joke.

    As for my mom, yup I wish I could say she is just a little ignorant, but she has told me gay people gross her out and that she doesn't want the freedom to marry allow for more homosexual couples to be out in public. She also told my brother that she can't have her only daughter be gay when she started suspecting it of me earlier this year. But my mom has always been pretty emotionally abusive, so I've had my fair share of distancing myself from her. I can only wish for her to open her mind and if she doesn't approve, that is her problem :slight_smile: