Hello, I know this probably sounds like a broken record to a lot of people. I grew up on a farm. I worked around men from the time I was 11 through 29. I drove a tractor and all of that stuff. I knew I was gay but had to keep it buried inside. I could not let my family know or the men I worked around. I had heard enough to know that was something I could never let out. It was very hard on me and made me really depressed. It was a very rural area and there was no one to talk to. Even to this time at 63 I still keep a lot buried inside. It just became a way of life for me. I did meet someone on line when I was 39, he lived 9 hours away. I drove there to meet him and spent a year driving back and forth. I had to get as far away as I could to feel comfortable and that was still hard. He ended up pushing me away, he didn't want to ruin my life. He was older, in his 50's. Some people at my other job, I have had for 37 years, figured out some things about me. Comments were made directed at me and that really hurt. I felt alone and like I did not matter. I still had no one to talk to that I felt would understand me. I met another man, he lived 2 hours away. He was really nice at first but then I started finding out things about him. He had some mental issues, passed down from his family. He was bi polar and would get set off by the littlest things. He would yell and have his fits then later would be loving and nice. He was also addicted to porn and always talked about wanting to be in a porn movie. It lasted for almost 5 years and the last straw was when he told me he was flying to CA to be in a porn movie. I have been alone the last 20 years. I just told myself I was better off this way. I do not like drama and not being able to trust someone. I miss having friends so much. Two really close friends I had both passed away. I do not go out places, Lowes and the grocery store are pretty much it. To make things worse last year I sold my house in town and moved. I now live next door to my sister. At the time I thought that would be a good thing, I have two dogs. I did not know how controlling and manipulating she is. It is really bad and I will leave all of that out. I love my house and have been putting a lot of work into it. I was able to pay it off with the money I made on the house I sold. I want to retire soon and moving was a big part of that, no house payment. I met someone that works for my sister. I really liked him and thought he was a friend. I found out that all he did was lie to me about everything. He wanted me to feel sorry for him. I told him things and he turned around and told my sister. There is a lot more to that story but I will also leave that out. It is a like a really bad soap opera and I do not live like that. I have found that I really do not care that much for my sister. We have not really been close but all of the stuff I have found out really makes it hard to be here. I have a younger sister that lives 5 hours from here. She would never move closer because of family stuff. She wants me to move down there, we get a long really good. We were close growing up. I just don't have it in me to go through all of this again with the packing and moving. I have had two back surgeries so I have issues. Sorry this is so long. Just know there is so much to this story and I have not even touched the surface. I just want a peaceful nice life. I always dreamed of meeting someone to share it with. I think at this point I am meant to be alone. Well, I have my two dogs and they are the best friends I could ever want.
kdo…..I usually catch people when they make their first post in the "Welcome Lounge" but I missed you there, so I'll catch back up to you here! …..Hello and a big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that night that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give you support and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent! ) when that becomes necessary! This is a safe community of loving, caring and very supportive people and we will do our best to help you blend into the community. I can see that you have head a rough time with your family...here's an idea...let us here on EC be your family! We will always be here for you. You are a part of our LGBTQ Family and we do care! *****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out, join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. When I first joined Empty Closets I was in need of a lot of support and encouragement and I found it here…EC is a safe place. I hope that you'll find good things here too! Folks here will talk to you and share...you don't have to be afraid of asking questions...we're glad to have you! Empty Closets is all about making connections and giving LGBTQ folks a voice when they otherwise don't have one in their day-to-day lives. ****In particular you may want to check out the forums that are titled “Sexual Orientation” and "LGBT Later in Life", there are people there who may have dealt with some of the same kind of issues that could be challenging you. Some info on how to navigate EC: When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something”. When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. Only A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) and then only to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership. *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! If you have any questions at all, you can send me a Private Message as you can always send a staff member a Private Message. …..David
Im sorry for everything you have gone through. Sometimes I feel all the random BS only happens to me and it makes my stories about them seem theatrical and almost unbelievable. I know moving may be an ordeal but also possible. You could get a house that is sold fully furnished sometimes if you look hard enough. That way you won't have to move as many heavy things. Especially people moving out of the country and can't take most of their possessions with them. Or somebody who passed away and the beneficiary is trying to get rid of the fully furnished house. You could also recruit kids or organizations trying to get volunteer hrs to help pack and move stuff. When I was younger many of my peers needed volunteer hrs for church, boy scouts, or some camp thing. There are things like that out there. Organizations and non-profits. Also I know people over donate furniture and stuff to churches and non profits that they have no room to store anything because they have so much. They just give it away, even though you may not be necessarily in need. You can look on social media marketplace pages, (unfortunately I can't be specific about which ones because of ECs rules), and state your situation and a list of stuff you may need if anyone has extras and wants somebody to take it off there hands just to get rid of it. Your possessions can be replaced. Your time and health cannot. I'm glad you found us here at EC.
Hi there, as daunting a move might seem, it doesn't need to be this way. Chillton made some great suggestions on supports available that might help you or make things easier for you. From what you have described, I wonder if you are ready for a change more so than what it feels like at the moment. I can imagine that there is a part of you that would like to experience connections with people you know value you as a person, want to know your thoughts, the insights you bring and want to get to know you. As hard as it, and if at all possible, try not to rob yourself of possibilities, of enjoying life. Know that you also don't have to go through things on your own. It might be worthwhile to ask for and seek support to take care of your well being, including mental health. Perhaps hearing yourself speak about your experiences, your hopes and vision for what you would like your life to look like, will provide you with some starting points to turn the page. It is never too late to make changes in your life, and it is never too late to live your life if you feel you would like to make changes and see what's possible. Maybe give it some thought and try to gauge what feel right, or fits.
