Hey everyone. It's been a while since my last post, but I've been lurking here and there. To summarize, about a year ago I started realizing that my difficulties with emotional and physical intimacy in marriage could be related to a repressed sexual orientation. Through months of intensive therapy and self-reflection, I have acknowledged and accepted that I am a lesbian. In recent weeks, I've decided that the best path forward is separation and divorce from my husband, where we share custody of our young children. We are working out the housing situation, as I'm hoping we can keep the house mainly for the kids and maintain a small apartment that we switch out of on our off days. Less convenient for us, but more stable for the children. Hopefully we can maintain this situation for 12-24 mos before affording a second larger home, at which point the children will be the ones who move. I've been working intensively on job hunting, as I've been a stay-at-home-mom for 10 years. I'm working with a career counselor who is confident that I'll be able to find an entry level position in my area. I'm hopeful. I've also worked to find reliable babysitters and toured several facilities where I'd be comfortable sending my preschooler. This has been a challenging emotional step, as being an at-home parent has been a huge part of my identity and mothering values for years. However, I feel that once we've developed a team of loving caregivers, our kids will be in a better position than having a depressed, closeted mother at home. Relations between my husband and I are strained, as he's working through his grief and alternates between acting standoffish and deeply depressed. I'm trying to give him grace and space, but it's a really hard living situation for the whole family. This is the main reason why I'm hoping to get the apartment figured out sooner rather than later. Optimally, I'd have the job first, and the kids would be used to childcare for a bit before we separate. There's a long road ahead, but I feel lighter every day. Like there are possibilities for love and truth ahead for both of us, and that we have the opportunity to model growth, flexibility, honesty and respect for our children. In the end, I think that's the better story. I'd rather they grow up in homes of authenticity than with two parents struggling to find happiness while hiding their truth. I want them to know that who they are inside matters, and that change and risks are worth taking when they reflect an honest life. Thanks for your support and encouragement. I hope you all find peace and acceptance!
I'm glad you've found who you truly are and you're well on your path to a happier you. Who knows maybe a new fairytale will present itself and a feisty and fearless princess will sweep you off your feet. I admire your courage and your amazing attitude.
Congratulations on doing what is necessary to leave the fairy tale and seek an authentic life. I know that some people don't feel that congratulations is appropriate; however, I think it's important to recognize the courage and self-awareness that it takes to get to this point. This is not going to be an easy process, especially as your husband comes to terms with his new reality, although it's an absolutely necessary step in your journey. My advice is to remind yourself of the larger goal (living authentically) and that dealing with his outbursts is part of getting there. Try to find common ground with your husband by focusing on doing what's right for the children as a way to minimize the friction between the two of you. Once you find authentic love (if you haven't already) it will all be worth it.
For my part, I can tell you that after I started living my authentic life (at age 44), which involved leaving my husband, my life opened up and became magical in ways I would have never thought possible. I imagine that once you're through the rough times, the same will be true for you.
All the best! I am happy for you. I know this is so so difficult. But after the pain will be the sweetness of the truth. Take good care of yourself through the hard times.
