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Lesbians: platonic feelings for guys?..

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by MyLittleWorld, Jul 31, 2014.

  1. MyLittleWorld

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    Have you ever loved a guy platonically? Or ever mistaken it for romantic feelings?

    What is the difference between romantic love and platonic love, in your opinion?

    Just been wondering about this for a while..
     
  2. Kaiser

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    This isn't a really serious answer, but there is a tidbit of wisdom to it.

    When people ask me, what the difference between romance and platonic love, I give them this example:

    You have a platonic love for your parents, your siblings, and your pets. It becomes romance when you want to go beyond, simple hugs and exchanging kisses. I'm fairly sure you know the difference between how you feel for your mother, and someone you want to shag.

    I can elaborate, if you would like. Just ask.
     
  3. IsThisAName

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    Yes, all the time. In order to figure whether it's platonic or romantic, I think to myself whether or not I would actually want to sleep with that guy. So far, the answer has always been "no," even if I do feel an emotional connection with him. I suppose you could still have romantic feelings for someone even if you don't want to sleep with them, but when it comes down to it, a relationship cannot survive without sexual attraction, so that is what I take I to account when trying to figure out whether or not I have feelings for a guy. It's all very confusing and it sounds like we're in the same boat--I am very positive that I like girls, but I am currently trying to figure out whether or not I like guys.
     
  4. the haunted

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    I told a guy I was in a serious relationship with that I love him like he's my family...

    We dated for 3 years before I realized how queer I really was.

    I swear, every day I find more signs that I should have seen years ago. :dry:
     
  5. BelleFromHell

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    Why are lesbians always asked about platonic relationships with men, yet gay men are almost never asked about platonic relationships with women? I've had family members tell me that I am not gay just becuase I dared to give a male friend a hug, yet when I fall in love with a woman, my feelings are disregarded as "platonic". I'm sick of this misogynistic question popping up.

    As for your last question, Kaiser already answered it perfectly.
     
  6. RobinHood

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    Well, if you have romantic thoughts about a person, whether male or female, then you are in love with that person and it can be in a sexual or non-sexual way. If you have platonic feelings for a male or a female, then it means you are fond of them in a strictly non-sexual way.

    Also, Kaiser :eusa_clap
     
  7. Pax

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    I generally find it quite hard to connect emotionally with guys, but there are one or two that I have loved platonically. Nowadays I wouldn't mistake it for romantic feelings, but I used to when I was younger.
     
  8. stocking

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    Kaiser's answer was prefect.
    I confused the two a lot of times , sometimes I just went out with men just because they were nice to me:confused:
    Plus I was lonely, I didn't care much for sex just, as long as someone was there and I can run around telling people hey this my boyfriend.
     
    #8 stocking, Jul 31, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 31, 2014
  9. TigerInATophat

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    One of the reasons it took me so long to realise or at least fully identify as gay was that I could have platonic feelings of admiration, respect etc for males. Especially as growing up I got along better with males in terms of friendship. It was only when I was old enough to really see the distinction that it made sense.

    As others have mentioned Kaiser said it best.
     
  10. stocking

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    I can relate to that Tiger In atop hat to a lot of what you said , I remembered this guy i had a crush on I liked him like a big brother but I never thought of kissing him going on dates with him or even sex . Sometimes too if I thought a man looked nice I took it as I liked him but most of the time I was confused about it . I would think He looks nice , sometimes I would just like a guy because he was smart and liked math because that equaled money
     
  11. prussianblue100

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    How I would put it is you're in love with someone if you really want a future with them. You want dating, marriage, a fling in bed, kids of your very own. I don't want to even date a guy because of fear of getting married and having to spend the rest of my life with him. And I do not want his thing anywhere near me.

    If you mean platonic as in just friends or even best buds forever, yeah, sure. But that's the closest I can ever get to romance with a guy: best buds. I couldn't fall in love with one if I tried.
     
  12. MyLittleWorld

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    Thanks for answers. Kaiser, I understand it better now :grin:
     
  13. thekillingmoon

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    Platonic is basically friendly feelings. You like being around that person, you admire them in some way, you don't want them to get hurt, but you don't want to go home with them and fall asleep in their arms and all those other things people do when they like someone romantically.
     
  14. TheStormInside

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    I find this pretty confusing, still, too. I have fallen for a couple of guys in a major way, wanted to be exclusive with them, spend time talking with them, wanted to be a couple and do "couple activities" like going to dinner, movies, ice skating, and so on. But the whole physical aspect puts me off and felt like something I just wanted to "get it over with" when it came time for it. Have other lesbians felt similarly? I feel like these were more than platonic feelings, but they definitely also weren't sexual.
     
  15. Wuggums47

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    Platonic love is the love you feel for your friends and family. This may include hugging and kissing, but romantic love includes a much higher level of intimacy.
     
  16. TheStormInside

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    Thanks, Wuggums. Can you explain what you mean by a "higher level of intimacy"?
     
  17. Alder

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    I relate to this quite a bit. It's confusing for me too to tell the difference between romantic and platonic love. I mean, I've had crushes on guys before, and yes the physical aspect was never really there, and if it was it wasn't exactly what I noticed. Yes I liked guys, but no, I wasn't after sex or anything like that.

    The guy I had the biggest crush on only lasted three to four weeks. Maximum a month. It was during the time of high school prom and I think I was just a really nervous high schooler. I didn't want to go alone so I wanted to go with someone, but I was terrified of going with a girl. So terrified I refused to even think about it.

    So I decided I wanted to go with my best guy friend. I convinced myself it would work and I was relieved. We got pretty close, and there were times I'm pretty sure we flirted with each other, I enjoyed it and imagined us in a romantic relationship. I thought I liked him, and I suppose I did (I wanted to hang out with him, talk to him, etc, but then again that might've been platonic) but the flame died out pretty quickly. It was really confusing for me because one moment I could've sworn I liked him, next I just wasn't interested anymore.

    Physical wise, I appreciated his looks but I never wanted to have sex with him-like you said, it put me off. Thinking about his dick just made me pretty uncomfortable to be honest. I mean, I tried fantasizing about sleeping with him once I remember but it didn't exactly do too much for me and I never fantasized about it again. We were pretty flirty during prom times and I might have even gotten a bit turned on if he touched me but only once. I never really wanted to go further than that.

    I find it pretty funny because I first began to realize I wasn't truly "in love" with him when me, him, and a few friends of mine were hanging out together. One of those friends was a girl I had a crush on for years. Just being with them in the same room, he paled in comparison and all I could notice and all I wanted to notice was the girl. It hit me in the gut that man, I could pretend all I want but this isn't going to work. So yeah, me and him went back to being friends. I'm still not entirely sure what happened during those times. :confused:

    I think at the end of the day it's really hard to tell the difference (and I guess me being biromantic makes it super confusing for me sometimes, because I could be in a relationship with a girl or guy and I wouldn't mind, even if my preference is for girls).

    I mean, I guess romantically you would think about kissing them a lot, (I never thought about it with the guy, but I definitely thought about it with the girl), you would want to imagine a future with them (I often had daydreams about traveling the world with her and stuff, things were never that intimate between me and the guy), you really want to be around them all the time, you daydream about them, and maybe (if you like sex or want to have sex), you would be pretty happy to take things further. You get jealous too I guess. Butterflies I suppose are pretty good indicator too, though I think that is easy to confuse too in context. Anyhow that's just my two cents. Apologies for the long post by the way :slight_smile: Good luck.
     
    #17 Alder, Aug 2, 2014
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2014
  18. Tardis221B

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    I definitely feel strong platonic attraction for men and in the past I've confused these for romantic feelings.

    One of my best friends is a guy and we get along really well. I love talking with my guy friends and discussing things with them, but once I get in a romantic setting with a guy I go into panic mode. I worry that anything I do will be misinterpreted as interest in him and that I'll lead him on. Or if I start to perceive a situation like a date I immediately try to find flaws in him that would make him a bad match for me. And I honestly don't know if i've ever been on a date with a guy, because when I 'hang out' with my guy friends one on one, I only see it as hanging out.

    How I differentiate romantic & platonic feelings is if I romanticize the person. I no longer can see their flaws or I see them, but I over look them; in my eyes the person is perfect. Romantic gestures from men in general, flowers, dates, gazing into each others eyes, ect. make me feel uncomfortable. I don't like guys doing those things for me.

    I love guys as friends, but, baring the occasional exception, I don't want to be in a romantic setting with them or physically intimate beyond cuddling.
     
  19. the haunted

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    Yes! Two pumps in and I'm ready for it to be over.
     
  20. MyLittleWorld

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    I can relate to that. I had crushes on guys, but it never were physical. It maybe will sound a little bit weird, but it was like I wanted them to like me no matter what, I tried to impress them, ofcourse, I thought about them alot, but not in a 'romantic' way, I tried to figure their actions, and if they liked me. Last guy I was interested in was like my soul brother. He lived near me, our life stories were almost the same, I feel connection with him, he had family problems, I really wanted to help him. It was strong, I felt jealous that he had a girlfriend. Actually, I don't want to look like an asshole, but she is pretty, and one night I dreamed about her. I was dreaming I was looking at her with a dress, and said she is 'fine'. :lol::lol: I mean, I have a 'crush' on a guy, and I'm dreaming about his girlfriend... I never checked out guys. Always girls. I still struggle with that attention thing. When I see a guy likes me, I start to analize his actions and see if he really does like me, I want him to me, and I try to impress him. Why? I don't know. I feel like dumb attention seeker for it... if only I knew why I do this.

    When I was dating a few guys, I felt platonic feelings for them. Sometimes I would think I really like them. But holding hands, kissing, hugging; it was awkward. It wasn't disgusting, it's just very very weird because I didn't felt it. I hate when guys give me presents, flowers, those things Tardis221B mentioned. I prefer to give flowers for girls...