I’ve never been attracted to a guy before. I’ve always liked girls so I put together I was a lesbian and told a few friends. But then I met this one guy who was really sweet. There was no physical attraction, but he kept popping up and we became good friends. He gives the best hugs and he’s so nice, I realized I liked him a lot. It’s not that I’m interested in sleeping with him, but he does hold me while we watch movies together and it’s the greatest feeling. (I might at that I’m seriously starved of physical affection.) He really likes me, but I told him I was lesbian and he respects that. But I can tell he wishes I wasn’t. And I almost wonder if maybe I like him back. At least romantically, if not sexually. Or maybe the sexual attraction comes over time? Am I just not used to human contact or people treating me nicely, or can gays have a straight exception?
Well, that's really a definitional debate. First, one can separate out romanticism and sexual attraction, then ask the question: does one need to be both homoromantic and homosexual to count as lesbian? Or would biromanticism combined with homosexuality make someone bi rather than lesbian? Second, how homosexual does one have to be to count as lesbian? Can someone be usually homosexual yet also demi-bi-sexual (being sexual, attracted to an opposite gender person when in a very close relationship or under special circumstances) and still use the label 'lesbian'? I guess only you can decide such things for yourself. I tend to see these things as spectrums - one person might be entirely/totally lesbian, whereas someone else might be 'mostly' lesbian.
I think it all depends on exactly where you sit on the spectrum of gay to straight, not everyone is gay, straight or bisexual and completely in the middle. However my only concern is that you say you have never really had feelings for a guy and that even though the 2 of you are really close you still have no inclination to want to sleep with him. It sounds to me that he provides you with a lot of comfort and security and he likes you so the perfect solution would be if you could be in a relationship with him but unfortunately you can't chose who you are attracted to. I am not saying you have to decide right now but I would say if you dont have any sexual feelings for him now it is unlikely they will suddenly emerge.
You don't have to be a "100%" homo to still identify as a homo. Some straight people are actually straight and curious but they are not bisexual. You can be homo and curious (not completely closed to the idea of trying opposite sex relationships), and being gay and having a straight exception would correspond to be a 5 on the Kinsley's scale. In your case, I think that you may be bisensual. Sensual attraction is different than romantic or sexual attraction. I am myself homoromantic and homosexual but also bisensual, which means that I still appreciate physical contact (like hugging, holding hands) with the opposite sex, but I would not want to go further. But remember that relationships, no matter if it's friendly or romantic, take a lot of time. Don't try to rush things and things will come to you naturally. You'll find out what you really feel toward him and toward your situation.
