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Lesbian or Bisexual or Asexual, thoughts?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Biblia05, May 18, 2019.

  1. Biblia05

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    Until recently I've consider the idea of being a lesbian imposible. All my relationships has been heterosexual ones. During a recent sessions with my therapist she helped me understand that the "friend" that had been a constant in my life for the past 15 years and has been the might reason in my confusion (who is not longer in the picture since I express my feelings aloud) was actually a "non-sexual emotional relationship".

    During this questioning process I have wondered if I'm then bisexual since I now accept my attraction towards women. But then as I examine and look back, I see I have always been quick to turn to admire a beautiful woman while men have always been my buddies and good friends.

    And then, there is the asexual questions. I have always been confused and felt out of place when talking to my peers in regards to their sexual drive. Even with my previous therapist, during one session the issue came to a conversation. she asked me "what did I typically did when I ran into an attractive men and realize i couldn't be sexually involve with them because of my marriage?" I simply answer. I don't work that. I have always develop strong emotional connections before any of my relationships turn physical.

    Any observations will be appreciate.

    PS thanks for reading all of this.
     
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  2. silverhalo

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    Hey, just checking I have understood correctly. You always thought you were straight but whilst working with your therapist you realised that the 15 year relationship with your friend was a non-sexual relationship. This friendship ended when you told your friend about your feelings.

    I think it is perfectly possible for you to be a lesbian, sometimes we don't figure these things out straight away. It is also possible for you to be asexual but if your realisation of your attraction to women is fairly recent, you might have to let the dust settle on that for a bit before you can decide if you have sexual attraction or not, sometimes I think this takes a while to grow once you figure your sexuality out. The other thing I wonder if you have considered is demi sexual. This basically means you have to have an emotional connection to someone before you develop sexual attraction towards them.
     
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  3. Chiroptera

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    Hello,

    First things first, if you have sexual desires, then you are not asexual. It doesn't matter if you have a very high sex drive or if you can only feel a sexual interest in someone after you have developed an intimate connection with them first. These variations are common, as everyone is different, and don't require any special label. An asexual person, on the other hand, doesn't feel interest in sex, period.

    As for you being a lesbian or bisexual, here's something I usually suggest for those who are questioning:

    First of all, take a deep breath and relax. This is about you and yourself, so there is no need to rush to any conclusions.

    Think about your attractions. When thinking about women, do you feel attracted to them? Sexually and romantically? What about men, do you feel attracted to them? When you imagine yourself in a relationship, do you think you could be happy with a man or a woman, or you would be happy with any of them? When you fantasize (during masturbation, for instance), do you think about men or women?

    Again, my greatest advice for you is: stay calm. You don't need to pressure yourself or rush to any conclusions. Take your time. :slight_smile:
     
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  4. Biblia05

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    Yes you got it. Since I started dealing with my feelings she was very present and a more than a friend so while explaining things to my therapist she arrived to that conclusion and explained it to me.

    I never heard about "demi sexuality" I'll do some reading in regards to it. And yes I'm doing my best not to rush any of this process but I'm the most impacient person on the face of the earth, no joke
     
    #4 Biblia05, May 18, 2019
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  5. Biblia05

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    Thank you. That was all very helpful. I won't answer any of your questions here but I now see things more clearly. ☺️
     
  6. Chiroptera

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    Just a note if I may: Everyone is free to use any label they want. However, be careful when searching around the internet about unusual labels. There are many websites that promote doubtful information, creating and defending labels without any kind of scientific evidence and support. These labels are frequently used by these groups to refer to normal variations of human sexuality, which don't require any special label.

    If every tiny difference in our feelings required a special label, every human on the planet would have completely different labels to describe them, as we are all unique and different. Thus, these labels are frequently more confusing than helpful.

    You are welcome! Sure, you may share your thoughts here if you wish, but my intention was just to assist you in your reflections. As long as the advice was helpful, then that's great! :slight_smile:
     
    #6 Chiroptera, May 18, 2019
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  7. Biblia05

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    BTW my therapist did warm me about online research. So I'm thinking I'll work with what I have so far.
     
  8. Chiroptera

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    The internet can be a powerful and amazing tool, but, unfortunately, not everyone using it is well intentioned or well informed.

    The fact that you are working with a therapist is already a huge thing, so I think you are going in the right direction. :slight_smile:
     
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  9. MBM4K54

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    First off I'd like to let you know that I'm not a dr, a therapist or professionally trained in any way, but if you honestly feel the need for a label, I'd say bisexual .
    Bisexuality comes in many forms and degrees. You may be romantically attracted to both sexes but only sexually attracted to one sex.
    You may be more attracted to one sex than the other and all of these variables can change from day to day.
    If this sounds like you, you're probably 100% bisexual.
     
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  10. Chip

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    For what it's worth, 'demisexual' is not a recognized label, at least not by anyone credible. It would actually define an enormous portion of the population, which is why the label is pointless.

    I also concur with pretty much all the comments you've gotten. It's unlikely you're asexual, since you're showing indications of sexual attraction.

    The situation where your therapist described an emotionally intimate friendship is telling: very often, people develop those when, for some reason, sexual expression does not feel safe or desirable. This is different from asexuality, and can arise as a result of family-of-origin issues, depression, anxiety, or other factors.

    It sounds like you're on the right track, though, in exploring and thinking about what's important to you. I'd encourage you to keep an open mind, and in particular, be aware of what you're feeling... not analyzing it so much as being really mindful and self-aware. I think as you do that, things may start to get clearer for you.
     
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