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Lemony is in love and that’s all she can think about

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Lemony, Sep 27, 2021.

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  1. Lemony

    Lemony
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    Ok so here it goes.
    I am in love with a girl and been in love since we met. Reconnected after 3 years. I reached out to her. She is also bisexual. Lives interstate and has a bf. I have told her that I had/ have feelings for her. I think she sees it as like an inside joke and it’s cute but like I love her. Like I see myself with her and she’s bisexual! She’s only been with her bf for 4 months and 2 of those in lockdown. Her guardian never met the guy and they have communication issues. I feel like she may feel similar towards me I don’t know. The fact that she’s also bi, blue my mind. She was the one who made me realise I was bi and around the same time with out knowing we were going through the same journey and years later reconnected like no times have passed. We both happened to “just” have photos from our time together in reach and clearly it was special to her too. I have never loved someone in a romantic way ever and know love vs lust now. I hope when covid calms down we can meet in person. All I wanna do is kiss her. It hurts to just say she’s my friend when she’s more to me than that. I mean I called her the other day when my mental health was also at a low point and I just pressed the button and she even said what about my anxiety. This is the girl of my dreams and her smile is just, there are no words. I feel bad even kind of thinking this way or overthinking that maybe we could be when she has a bf!
    I mean she sent me videos of cute moments of them together and I just sat there hurting. Had to send a smile emoji and say I’m happy for her and I am. Anything to see her happy but at the same time I want her so bad. She sees me for me and no one that’s not my Mum has ever taken the time or effort to. I’m in love and can’t do anything about it even though the main concern of mine was if she was straight and she’s not! I want her in my life and if that means just staying friends than ok. I love her that much.
     
    #1 Lemony, Sep 27, 2021
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  2. BiGemini87

    BiGemini87
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    Oh, hon, I feel this. It can be so difficult to have feelings for someone you can't have. There's some solace in knowing she cares for you, even if you're unsure of how much and in what way she does. As much as it hurts, you might need to dial it back a bit in your interactions with her. Try to keep things casual, for your sake as much as hers. Maybe she and her boyfriend won't last, maybe they will--but if it's to end, you want to be sure that it isn't because of you.

    The more romantic side of me is saying be 100% honest with her. Put all the cards out there: about how you feel about her, but also about how if all you can ever be is friends, you're okay with that. Most importantly though, be sure that you can be okay with that, because seeing the person you love happy with someone else, however happy you are for them, can become a long-lasting hurt. I guess all you can do is prepare yourself for this possibility.
     
    #2 BiGemini87, Sep 27, 2021
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  3. Lemony

    Lemony
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    Ok so daydreaming of us together did not help. Any suggestions on how to try and feel “less in love” I mean it hurts. Like a different hurt.
     
    #3 Lemony, Sep 29, 2021
  4. BiGemini87

    BiGemini87
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    That's definitely something I've discovered myself over the past year. It seems so harmless at first, because you know it's just a fantasy--but the more you do it, the more invested you become in it being a reality.

    I'm not sure there is a cure-all for something like this. I wish there were, but I think the only thing you can do is give yourself time; distract yourself with hobbies, see friends if you can, find something to do/watch/play/read that brings you joy. And when you need to, let yourself feel your feelings. Need a good cry? Let it out, hon. Feeling frustrated? Put that energy into something creative. If you keep a journal, pour your heart into its pages, and if you don't--perhaps now is a good time to start one.

    I really wish I had better advice for you, because I know how devastating heartbreak can be. All I can offer is the above, and someone to talk to, should you need it. <3
     
    #4 BiGemini87, Sep 29, 2021
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  5. Lemony

    Lemony
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    Now I feel selfish. All I can think about is us together and how much I love her every time we talk. I feel like I unconsciously flirt without realising. I hate myself for it as I fear she may see that and be weirded out by me always complimenting her...... I feel she may feel the same way and I’m breaking up her relationship and hurting her boyfriend and I feel selfish(this scenario seems the most un likely as I doubt she even feels the same way) I feel selfish that I love her this much as she has a bf. I feel selfish for feeling in love because it feels good but it also really hurts. Sorry for saying this here. I feel like this is where I can vent. This feeling is so different for me. Because no one has ever made me feel this way about them. I never thought I would feel like this ever. I be given the chance.
     
    #5 Lemony, Oct 1, 2021
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  6. BiGemini87

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    I know it's hard, but try not to be upset with yourself. You can't help how you feel--only how you act. There are definitely some parallels between us, as I've feared over-complimenting my friend in much the same way. I hope, if your friend does find it flirtatious, she isn't too bothered by it.

    Difficult as it might be, you might need to find something else to focus on; something that will put a little bit of space between you if things are getting awkward, and allow you a reprieve from all these overwhelming thoughts/feelings. <3
     
    #6 BiGemini87, Oct 1, 2021
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  7. Starlight123

    Starlight123
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    I don't know if I could understand your feelings more. I know exactly what you are saying and how you are feeling. It feels quite unfair to be able to love someone this much and not have it reciprocated. Maybe it is reciprocated but not in the way that we would like it.

    I'm waiting for an answer to the problem because I surely don't have it.
     
    #7 Starlight123, Oct 2, 2021
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  8. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    There’s not much that I can add to what @BiGemini87 has said already, but I just wanted to say that…

    …another perspective on this is that if it’s happened once, then it can happen again. I don’t think then any of us have limited chances, so try not to view this situation in those terms.
     
    #8 LostInDaydreams, Oct 2, 2021
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