A decade ago this month I moved from the United States to the United Kingdom for work. Four years ago I moved out of my then family home into a home where I was to be on my own for the first time in two decades. This home became my sanctuary as I progressed on my journey of self actualization. Three months ago, as I reflected here on EC, my husband and I married. This week, as part of our plan after marriage, I am moving my center of gravity back to the United States so we can now actually be living together in the home we built for ourselves. As I was beginning to pack in preparation of the move this weekend, I thought about the past four years. The journey that I was on. The progress I made discovering whom I am. The confidence, self esteem, self worth and love I established for myself. It all happened in the home I am now moving out of. While my future remains bright and I am optimistic for what will come being with my husband together back in the United States, I will always look back fondly of my time in this home. It has served me well over the past four years. It has been my comfort zone when I lacked comfort. It has been my resting place when I needed a pillow to put my head on and contemplate. It was the place of emotional turmoil as well as tremendous personal celebration. And now, it will be a place I hold deep in my heart. I will truly miss this home.
OTH , welcome home My friend . You are truly a special man with a heart of gold and the fact you share your journey as openly as you do is commendable . I can't stop to think though how for your daughter's graduation you were not there and for Me personally that would devastate me . Regardless of my outcome I can't even imagine my family not being part of my life and me part of theirs. Good luck my friend
Thanks for sharing OTH. I worry that leaving my current life and living alone would be lonely, so this thread really helps.
OTH, I can't tell how much I enjoy your sharing of the experience of finally realizing who you are. Your frank insightful commentary has been helpful to me as I navigate the same channels you have already passed through. Congrats on the move and wish nothing but happiness and pleasure to you and your husband back in the states. I find your posts inspirational and hope at some point to evolve as you have into a proud openly gay man.
There certainly were many nights where I worried about the same thing; and when I did in fact feel an overwhelming sense of loneliness. When I felt lonely, I used EC as a great way to diminish the loneliness amongst other pursuits. Engaging with everyone here helped pacify my concerns knowing that there was others in similar situations as me. At the same time, I figured out that loneliness is actually linked to confidence and self esteem. When my confidence and self esteem was low, my feelings of loneliness was exasperated. As I worked on building my confidence and self esteem, the emotions diminished more and more. Today, I enjoy my alone time. Not only do I enjoy it, I actually need it. Don't get me wrong, I love my time with my husband, but sometimes solitude is good for regenerating the soul.
Whether physically present or not, you will ALWAYS be a part of your families life, regardless of where you go on your journey.
I understand that but for me , my daughters are so so so important to me and I can't fathom they are not physically and mentally part of our life . But I fully get what you say and imagine they will all react in their own way too, my love as their dad never ever ever changed because of my sexuality it has nothing to do with that .
Here is my take: if you have been close with your kids, established a strong bond with them, and they feel comfortable and secure with the relationship they have with you where the relationship with them is equally balanced between you and your wife, then whatever direction you go, your kids will be there for you. Bonds are hard to break. For me, I provided for my family and made sure my family had everything they needed. I worked hard, was constantly out of the house working so, while I was home most weekends, the bond I had was not has emotionally connected with them as it was between them and their mother. This is the nature of things.
I'm so happy for you OTH about your future with your husband, it is in huge measure mostly sweet but a bit bittersweet I imagine to move on from where you've made such major growth and progress, but your future is a place of tremendous growth just waiting for you too so a toast to the future and to the past 4 years, I'll drink some champagne for you tonight
Ditto on all these acknowledgements to u OTH. I'd been fantasizing I'd meet u when I came to London … because of your openness, maturity, & consciousness … I thought you'd be a delight to spend time with. Congrats on your move back to the US … & keep truckin on the road to self actualization!
I might be moving out of the United Kingdom, but the United Kingdom will not be moving out of my life! I will still be a regular visitor no doubt!
As you know the process of self actualization isn't dependent on your location. When you step on the plane back to the U.S., self actualization travels with you, you just turn the page to a new chapter on the journey. Your posts have always been inspirational...maybe one day you will consider writing a book... Oh yeah, welcome back to the U.S., the land of the over-the-top, super-sized, all day long coffee drinkers! Safe travels!
No doubt, the journey shall alway continue and follow all of us to the end. For me, this transition is somewhat of a place marker, an end of a chapter. (Not that I am about to write a book, my grammar is horrible!) The chapters over the past five years (my journey actually began in the fall of 2012) have focused on defining whom I am. As I now go through the doorway, my next chapter of self actualisation will be focused on ensuring my personal strengths and capabilities are aligned with my future professional endeavours and defining for me how I should best contribute to society; whether I simply continue on doing what I am doing or move on and do something entirely different. But I think I will save this particular topic for another forum completely
All the best. Keep contributing OTH... I always look forward to your posts. They have been inspirational and helped me understand myself a great deal. Despite being out, I began to understand myself better only after EC. I was stuck until then not knowing what to do.. So even though my journey also began somewhere around the fall of 2012, it is only now that I am progressing on the journey.
The journey is not over, I am amongst friends, and I still have a way to go myself! I am not going anywhere.
