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Leaving home, heart broken and terrified

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by bippity, Aug 28, 2020.

  1. bippity

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    I guess I just need a little support, encouragement and inspiration.

    After many years of struggling with my lesbian identity, all through which my boyfriend was aware and incredibly supportive, I have come to the point that I can't "push the lesbian away" anymore.
    We are in the process of separating, I am moving out of our family home in a month...

    I still love my partner very much and it breaks my heart to leave all we have built together behind as well as the dreams we were looking forward to.
    I know it's the only way to go at this point but I'm having trouble dealing with my feelings of sadness, guilt, worry about the future, etc.
    I feel like I'm losing everything at once: my lover, our family, our home, the sense of who I am.

    Thanks for any input that could help lift my spirits a little :heart:
     
  2. Contented

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    Bippity, you are facing one of the toughest thing we face as we embrace our same sex attraction fully. The fear of the unknown coupled with the sense you are leaving the comforts of the safe world you created with BF. As many of us have found while we love our partners the need to embrace our homosexuality is much greater and can’t be denied. This of course sets up an internal conflict that be paralyzing. Don’t let yourself get trapped in a paralysis by analysis situation. Instinctively you know your a lesbian and must eventually live as one. The alternative is a life of unhappiness for both of you. You are doing the loving for both of you by cutting the cord now. Forward is your only option.
     
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  3. QuietPeace

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    I am sorry that you have to go through this. The ending of a relationship is not easy. Take time to mourn that and then move on into a future that fully embraces who you are.
     
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  4. silverhalo

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    Hey dont be to hard on yourself, it sounds like you have tried everything possible for this not to be the result but sometimes there is just nothing we can do. I know right now it feels awful and horrible but long term I know you will both find peace that it was the right thing to do and ultimately you will both be happier and that will be good for both of you.
    The fact you are hurting is just proof of what a loving and caring person you are and that can only be a good thing.
     
  5. LostInDaydreams

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    I found the process of leaving my ex very hard and I delayed it for years because I was terrified of all the changes and unknowns, so I can relate to some of what you’ve posted above. At the beginning of the process I just didn’t want my life anymore, but it did get easier with time and all the worst case scenarios that I had imagined didn’t happen. It will be difficult at times, but try to see this is a positive step for both of you because that’s what it is.

    After I left my ex I felt like a huge weight had been lifted and whilst it took a little time to adjust (I moved to another town and was unemployed), things really did start to improve. For all the time I was with my ex I really struggled at work. My therapist told me to leave him because I would do better without the weight of the relationship on my mind. I was adamant that I couldn’t leave him if I was unemployed, but she was right and I’m now doing loads better. That’s just an example of how things have noticeably improved for me and in general my mental health and outlook on life are so much better.

    Try to focus on all the thing that you’ll be gaining, such as the opportunity to live your life as your true self and to find a relationship makes you feel completely fulfilled. Those are amazing things! I know things might be painful and difficult now, but it will get better and very possibly quite a lot better.

    Be kind to yourself and take care. :slight_smile:
     
  6. GeoTrekker

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    What you did was very brave. I haven't had "the talk" with my wife yet, and many of the fears you listed are the reasons I haven't.

    Kudos to you for loving yourself and your partner enough to start this difficult transition.
     
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