1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Leaving hetero behind

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Contented, Feb 13, 2019.

  1. Contented

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2017
    Messages:
    1,465
    Likes Received:
    2,321
    Location:
    Upstate NY
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    More and more my life seems to be heading towards a gay-centric path. Since coming out many of my former straight friends have fallen by the wayside. Not from lack of effort on my part however many of them just couldn’t accept or at least be comfortable with my emerging homosexuality. A few have remained but the bulk of my base of friends are now LGBTQ with most gay males. While I do miss some of the old friends I am really happy to have made some very good gay friends. Much easier to engage them in real conversation about real issues. As strange as it seems to me after so many years as a “ straight” man, as I gravitate more and more towards the gay world the more at ease, relaxed and happier I am. I don’t want to eliminate my connection to my formerly hetero world but it certainly seems headed that way. Any thoughts?
     
    quietman702 and Nic2552 like this.
  2. Nickw

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2016
    Messages:
    2,335
    Likes Received:
    1,397
    Location:
    Out West
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I think it is human nature to seek out others with similar interests and traits. At my brother's wedding, the only straight guests were family members (in my family that's not a lot of straight!).

    My BF has the problem that he could never find a gay group of friends. He continues to always feel like a spectator or outsider or alien (all his words) when he his with straight people. So, when I took him to Pride, he really opened up. So having a group you can be yourself is important.

    But, this doesn't mean we should be exclusive either. It's good to have some diversity in our social networks. But, those relationships take work. Sexuality is a big difference so it is harder than other differences to work around so it takes effort.

    One other thing I've noticed is that I fall into old norms of behavior when I am with old friends. So it's hard not only to maintain the friendships but sometimes to maintain who we are when we interact with old friends. Sometimes it's just easier to not bother.
     
    Dionysios likes this.
  3. Dionysios

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2018
    Messages:
    662
    Likes Received:
    576
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I agree with Nickw that many people tend to associate with like-minded people. It seems a natural progression to acquire more gay friends over time and less straight ones.

    For me, I have few few close friends, but suspect that they will stick with me. Deep bonds that go back so many years are hard to break.

    I have hordes of people I would ckassify as glorified acquaintances. I speak or see them from time to time and it's always a pleasant experience. Now I suspect I will lose most of these folks, who will cut me off or shun me. Most are either very religious and conservative. Many are also friends with my wife. They will shocked and appalled to discover that I am gay and leaving my wife. They will probably stick with her or become closer to her as a consequence.

    If that happens, it's not the end of the world. I hope to forge new relationships and friendships with other
    LGBTQ people. Life will go on! *smile*