My name is Natalie Miller. At least that is what I call myself when I am cross-dressed. I find that I have been interested in women all my life. I always loved hanging around with women. I am to the point that when I get time I fully dress as a woman, which is at least 3 days a week. I also leave my home and go shopping and run a few errands as Natalie. I am getting very comfortable being out and about as Natalie. I am married and have adult children that live far away. My wife knows I dress even though she does not want to see or meet Natalie. I am worried that I am pushing the envelope to becoming a transgender person and I am not sure I want to or if I have a choice. I am over 60 years old. Any thoughts?
Hello! Nice to meet you. Just crossdressing don’t really make you into a transgender. Is there any other reasons you think you are transgender, beside crossdressing and feeling comfortable in female company? Why don’t you think you have a choice of becoming a transgender person? If you don’t want to be transgender and becoming one don’t feel right, then that feeling is probably correct. That is just what I understood. I only ask these questions to understand better about why do you want to become transgender or think you are one.
I guess actions speak louder than words. I dress pretty much every opportunity I get. I go out as a woman often. I am very much am loving the look that I have developed. I kind of wish I could be a woman full time. I am not sure it is worth loosing a beautiful loving wife over it. That is my problem. I should go see a counsellor.
I got it. I think that’s a very good idea about seeing counsellor. Maybe you can find someone who is lqbt+ friendly. That way you can get to talk to someone, who is knowledgeable about it.
Hi Natalie! So I'm no expert but I have urges to crossdress as well. Mainly just undergarments for me but they make me feel happy. I'm a gay man in my 30s who is married to another man. My husband also wishes I would not have these desires. So I understand that pain. But like Rayland said crossdressing and being transgender are different. Do you want the world to see you as Natalie? Does being addresses by your male name cause you discomfort?
Sorry if that's too personal. I just thought it might help you understand what you truly want. Me, for example I love my feminine things but still want the world to see me as a man. So I don't think I'm transgender.b
I also love being a guy. I do tons of guy stuff and I am a typical knucklehead guy. But there is a side of me that like painted toes and nails. I do come across pretty good I think. But I can't have my male friends see me like this. I wish my wife could though. Am I crazy?
Hey Natalie, no I don't think you're crazy. We are who we are. You are actually really pretty! I certainly couldn't pull that outfit off looking half as good as you do. I prefer the feel of woman's underwear and it does make me feel sexy. I've been expressing myself this way since I was a young boy. Does that make me crazy? Maybe according to society but I don't feel crazy. Like I said, I completely understand when your partner is not willing to share in your self-expression. I love my husband and can't even imagine myself with anyone else. I wish he could fully accept this part of me but we can't force that on our spouses. I know he loves me deeply but just isn't interested in this side of me. Are you interested in all your wife's hobbies? Probably not but that doesn't mean you don't love her.
Not trying to call who you are a hobby. I personally don't want to wear lingerie all the time. If you do want to dress fulltime there is nothing wrong with that but that is probably something y'all would have to talk about.
I didn't mean to call it that. I was just trying to say that your wife can love you but not be fully on board, so to speak. I don't think it's a hobby, I have hobbies I enjoy but none of them make me feel the way this does. I have trouble accepting it myself but I do think it is a part of who we are.
Welcome to EC. So that you know where I am coming from I am a woman who was AMAB (assigned male at birth). For reasons that I will not go into here I do not use the label trans or transgender. Also, I am turning 59 tomorrow and I was born and raised in California so we have some similarities. Just for your own information when a person specifies their gender as "Male(trans*)" it generally means that they are AFAB (assigned female at birth) and identify as male. Also, two people in this thread have stated that being a cross dresser does not make you transgender. Actually there are many people who believe that being a cross dresser does put someone under the transgender (trans, trans*) umbrella. I think that it might better be stated that being a cross dresser is completely valid and that if all one is interested in is to cross dress at times that it does not indicate that the person must transition socially or medically. (it is my opinion that this is a better way of stating it - it is a fact that just because someone cross dresses that it does not necessitate transitioning) If someone is trans then they are trans and always have been. One does not become trans later in life, though they may only realize it or come out later in life. By saying that you are worried about pushing the envelope into "becoming trans" are you really saying that you think that this might eventually lead to you realizing that you must transition? If so, you will always have the choice, though the choice may be between being miserable pretending that you are a man and choosing to live as your true self. As I said above though, I do not believe that we become someone who must transition because of our life experiences or anything like that. If you are simply someone who enjoys expressing their femininity through cross dressing then that is who you are and it will not morph into something else. If you actually are a woman who was assigned male at birth then that is who you have always been and then the choice will be up to you whether or not to live as your true self (yes, I know there are sacrifices in order to do so. I pretended to be male and was in a heteronormative marriage for years after being shoved back into the closet with conversion "therapy") Getting into therapy is a good idea. A competent therapist can help you explore all of this further. If in fact you do end up deciding that you need to transition a therapist is necessary for that anyway. None of what you have mentioned here would mean that you are "crazy", being a cross dresser or being someone who must transition does not make anyone mentally ill. Nor is wanting your life partner to accept who you actually are. Doing "guy stuff" does not make one male. I am a woman and I am mechanically competent. I know more about how to fix things than my husband (a cis male) does. Similarly, liking to wear dresses, wear makeup and painting your nails does not make you female (or trans). One can enjoy stereotypically masculine or feminine things and it does not determine their gender. Who you feel that you are inside is what determines that. If in fact you dressing up as a woman is something that you can do part time and feel totally comfortable with then that is valid and a fine thing to do. If though you really feel that you are female inside and wish to live as a woman that is also valid. I have repeatedly stated though, here and other places, that if someone can comfortably live within the confines of their birth assignment then they should do so. Living in opposition of societies strictures is HARD and can even be dangerous. Lastly, I have known people (IRL) who transitioned in their 60s and I have encountered people online who only did so in their 70s demonstrating that it is still an option for you.
