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Late-bloomer lesbians? Were you able to orgasm with men?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by JustAskin, Aug 1, 2020.

  1. JustAskin

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    When you had sex. I wonder if it is possible to have a nice physical orgasm even when you aren't attracted to the person.
     
  2. LostInDaydreams

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    If the physical stimulation is there, then I think it’s possible, particularly if you fantasise about other things at the same time. Personally, I found receiving oral sex easier because he wasn’t on top of me and I could fantasise the he was a woman. Ideally, I would have liked to have said no to any physical intimacy, but I didn’t want to rock the boat.

    For me, though, it only happened a handful of times. My ex put a lot of effort in when we were first together, but I just couldn’t get there and eventually sex became all about him. Once he’d reached orgasm it was over. About a year after I had our daughter, he did start to put in a bit more effort again and I reached orgasm once or twice, but I still wouldn’t say it was an enjoyable experience. We didn’t communicate well and we didn’t have a good connection. Towards the end of our relationship, I think he knew that I didn’t enjoy sex (with him) and we didn’t have sex at all for the last 14-16 months, but it was never something that we discussed. I fell asleep a few times, which probably clued him in.
     
    #2 LostInDaydreams, Aug 1, 2020
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2020
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  3. Vesta

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    I'm not a late bloomer lesbian, but for the times I did have sex with men, they never caused me to reach climax.

    With the first, there were a lot of factors that put me off. For starters, he had this whole belief that because it would take him 20-30 minutes to reach climax, it was something a lot of women wanted. He saw it as a good thing for me as well. It wasn't. Mood plays a big factor in how long it can take a person. It can take me 20 minutes, sometimes 5, or even just 2 depending on how I feel. He also wasn't very good at anything but penetration. He tried to stimulate me in other ways but there was so little communication between us that it just wasn't working out. Plus a big factor was that he wasn't very hygienic, and since I already wasn't into men, it just turned me off even further. Any orgasms I had, they were all faked just to get it over with.

    The second time was better. The sex was nicer. He gave oral a few times which I much preferred. However after a while he mostly just went for penetration so he could get himself off without caring about me. Since he was the kind of person that could climax in a very short time and didn't care to stimulate me, I never climaxed with him either.

    I think even if you're not attracted to somebody and you have sex with them, there's a lot of other things at play too. How you're feeling in general, how much you both communicate during intimacy, whether sex is for one or both sides, and so on.
     
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  4. BlueOcean

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    Yes, which is probably part of the reason why it’s taken so long for me to figure out I’m probably gay.
     
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  5. brainwashed

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    I'm going to be bold and wonder into this thread - I'm a guy and consider lesbian threads to be off limits most of the time. (I've had to much morning coffee, this is what happens)

    @BlueOcean I'm going to caution not to "label" yourself as gay to quickly. I have found labeling channels one's thinking and can take one down a path that limits full authentic self analysis. Example: I'm a solid Kinsey 4 to 5, which basically means even though I am gay I can have sex with women. This took me forever to figure out for when I first came to ECs I self labeled myself as full on gay - a Kinsey 6. (generally full on male Kinsey 6's do not have sex with women - my thinking.) But there were times I became emotionally engaged with women and had sex with them. Upon reflection as to what this meant, I changed the definition of myself from Kinsey 6 to 4-5. It should be noted the Kinsey scale is a tool only and not an absolute.

    I sympathize with women now days (and have for quite some time) for males (at least American males) are so disconnected from themselves, they cannot authentically engage with women emotionally. Thus American males cannot "excite" a women well - again my thinking.

    I loved the book, BOYS & SEX Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent, and Navigating the New Masculinity by Peggy Orenstein.

    https://www.peggyorenstein.com/boysandsex

    And the interview of Orenstein by Terry Gross of Fresh Air.
    https://www.npr.org/sections/health...that-young-men-feel-cut-off-from-their-hearts
     
    #5 brainwashed, Aug 3, 2020 at 9:10 AM
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2020 at 9:13 AM
  6. Fuzzy

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    I have only had one male partner and he wasn't good...
     
  7. Landgirl

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    I found that I could climax regularly with my husband, as he was very considerate and prepared to put in the time it takes for me to come. However, I did find that I definitely preferred positions/activities in which I couldn't see his face, and I found the idea of giving him oral completely repulsed me.

    I very rarely reach climax with my current female partner, but that is largely because she is older and in worse physical health than me, and most of the time does not have the stamina it takes to get me to come, so we are currently discussing the possibility of introducing toys into our lovemaking.
     
  8. JustAskin

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    Just wondering, how would toys improve things? Also, how were the orgasms with your husband?