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Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Angus44, Jun 24, 2017.

  1. Angus44

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    I identify as bisexual because it is the closest label to how I feel, but the truth is it's much more complicated and I know that many other people feel the same way. The thing is, my romantic and sexual attraction don't quite line up. Specifically, while my romantic orientation is approximately evenly split towards guys and girls, my sexual orientation is about 90 to 10 toward other guys. Even though I would be happy in exclusively same-sex relationships for the rest of my life, I hesitate to call myself gay because I feel like I would be lying to myself and others. The main reason I'm writing this post is to hear about other people's experiences with trying to fit into these fairly limited categories and maybe some suggestions on my personal situation.
    -Gus
     
  2. Secrets5

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    Bisexuality doesn't have to be 50:50. If you think you would only ever date women, then you could call yourself straight. Or mostly-straight bisexual.

    I'm mostly attracted to women, probably 70:30 from what I've observed, but I would be fine dating men or women, so I call myself bisexual.
     
  3. Angus44

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    I realize now that this was a bit confusing. To clarify I meant that I'm 90% attracted to guys and 10% attracted to girls. Thanks for the response and sorry for the confusion.
     
  4. Secrets5

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    Okay. Everything I said applies still, just the other way around or queer is the word sometimes used (but 'queer' is quite general and can apply to gender identity not just sexuality).
     
  5. Mj5963

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    Hi labels are there to conform to others in my view , I like to say I am not straight and that is good enough for me . I am married to woman and emotionally and romantically still
    Connected but not sexually , yes she knows too which we are dealing with ,
    But over time my sexual interest started towards men around 8 years ago and while I am
    Ashamed to admit I cheated on my wife with guys . So I get the feeling to find a label but do me it doesnt resonate because I look st my life as fluid and have a lot of good with my wife . We still may not make it in the long run but here are a lot of Mixed Orientation Marriages (called MOM's), whereas they remain married because wonderful partners but sexually they are open . I am hoping and working towards that because I csnnot deny my sexual attraction to guys
     
  6. Cinis

    Cinis Guest

    I'm sort of in a similar situation, my advice would be to work with labels that best fit the situation. There's always the option to say "Bisexual with a preference for men" if you want to find something closer to your actual sexuality. It also depends on the context someone wants to know your sexuality as it can be more accurate to say gay in regards to some questions.
    There's also the possibility to use the kinsey scale or explain as you did above if you want to express yourself in a more specific way.
    (some also use the term biromantic homosexual though that seperated terminology is highly debated)

    As always with labels: use what makes you feel most comfortable even if it isn't the most accurate on a technical level.
     
  7. BothWaysSecret

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    Hey, Gus!

    I'm similar to you in the sense that my romantic and sexual attractions don't line up. However I think I am the exact opposite of you when it comes to attraction. See, I am romantically interested in women only, but sexually attracted to both men and women. Because of this, I think of myself as straight sometimes, but realize I'd be lying to myself if I did. If I had to put a number on it, I guess it'd be somewhere between 60/40 and 70/30 in favor of women.

    I know I have stated my orientation in other posts and areas of the forums, but I feel I had to say it again. Specifically because this post was relevent to it.