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Kind of half-out???

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Archie73, Nov 8, 2018.

  1. Archie73

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    I'm not sure if this is the correct forum to write this, but it was the only one that I could think of.

    So, I am FTM transgender, and fully closeted in the sense of I have not literally told anyone that I am trans. A little while ago my mom caught me binding my chest with a makeshift binder that I made. She instantly started questioning me as to why I was doing it, and if I was being safe. I mostly refused to answer any questions because I am not secure in or sure enough of my gender to come out yet. She luckily did not seem upset by what I was doing (just concerned for my safety), and did respect my decision to not talk about it. Now, my mom would like to make sure that I am being safe, and seems to want to buy me a binder. I have helped her a little bit with choosing one that works and is safe. However, she still hasn't even entertained the idea that I might be transgender (as far as I know), or asked me about it. I'm wondering if the fact that I might be trans hasn't even crossed my moms mind, or if she knows but is waiting for me to tell her? If she half-knows that I might be trans, should I just tell her or wait until I am more ready?
     
  2. Hugh

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    That's an unfortunate position to be in! Your mom clearly thinks about it and has some thoughts about what it is, exactly, that your doing and why. But it may not be quite accurate. In cases of sexuality, I don't always see a need to come out but this is something different. Are you and your mom close?
     
  3. Archie73

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    I suppose my mom and I are fairly close. We probably used to be closer, but everything has kind of made me push away from my parents.We still try to be as close as possible though.

    Her reactions confuse me though. She even has gone and bought me a binder, but has barely even questioned me about it, not even mentioning that I might be trans. Although, even if she did ask me, I'm not sure I would be able to come out to her yet.
     
  4. Archie73

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    I suppose my mom and I are fairly close. We probably used to be closer, but everything has kind of made me push away from my parents.We still try to be as close as possible though.

    Her reactions confuse me though. She even has gone and bought me a binder, but has barely even questioned me about it, not even mentioning that I might be trans. Although, even if she did ask me, I'm not sure I would be able to come out to her yet.
     
  5. Hugh

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    It's a conversation you will need to have, but you know that. All you can do for now is try to sound out her thoughts on the matter. You can keep quiet about your sexuality as long as you want but your gender is another matter altogether. My advice is unqualified and often questionable! Do please keep us posted on how it goes
     
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  6. quebec

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    Archie73.....Hello and just in case no one else has said it...A very big welcome to empty closets! I'm very happy for you that your mom has been so low-key accepting of your binding! Her offer to buy you a real binder is really outstanding! I don't think you have to wonder if she has been thinking about you being transgender. If she didn't know before she saw you binding your chest, I'll bet she did some googling and is well informed now. As far as formally coming out to her...don't feel like you have to rush it. Come out when You are ready when you feel comfortable to talk about it. I think you have a very wise and loving mom for her to offer to buy you a binder and to not push you in any way to tell her that you're trans. She is most probably waiting for you to feel the time is right to officially tell her. I so wish my mother acted the way your has.
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
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