1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Kind of a weird situation, not sure what I'll do

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by skloorrpt, Sep 17, 2020.

  1. skloorrpt

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2020
    Messages:
    69
    Likes Received:
    14
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I know it's not really anyone else's business, and no one else probably cares, but something happened and I figured I'd give an update. This might be a strange thing to ask advice on, because it's really only up to me. I was on Discord the other day talking with my friend that I've mentioned in other threads. I'll just give some backstory so you don't have to dig through my post history.

    I've been best friends with this guy since middle school. In high-school there were maybe a couple times where I doubted my sexual orientation. I never took them very seriously there were maybe a couple times where I worried for a few days to a week "oh no, could I be gay/bi", but I convinced myself I wasn't and that was that for a while, so I guess my sexuality has been a bit ambiguous for a while. A couple of years after we graduated high school my friend came out to a group of our friends when we were out drinking one night, and a lot of what he was saying resonated with me. Fast forward to a year or two after that and my friend once mentioned something about having sex with another guy and for some reason the thought of that made me feel sad or jealous in a very confusing way. That's pretty much the main reason I've been taking all this more seriously. Anyways the last year to a year and a half of wondering about this have been confusing as hell. For a lot of it I was wondering what all of it meant, and if I would even like it if anything did happen between us. The idea of us in a relationship kind of made me feel happy in a weird way I couldn't describe, and when we would hang out, I kind of felt like I wouldn't mind snuggling up against him, but I wasn't sure why exactly.

    Long story short, we were hanging out one time and he asked me if I wanted to snuggle/spoon and I said yes, it happened a few times and eventually we started to fool around a little bit too. It was a bit awkward at first, but the more it happened I got more used to it. This leads me to what happened a few days ago. We were talking while we played some game, and he said he had a question to ask me. He wanted to know what I actually thought about what had happened between us. Then he said that he thinks we would make a good couple and he wanted to know if that would be something I'm interested in or if he should look for someone else. So I guess that answers some things I was wondering about him. Like I said, for some reason I don't like the idea of him with someone else, but I'm not sure if I REALLY want to be in a relationship with him. I think I maybe do, but it's kind of new territory for me, I also don't feel like I'd be good boyfriend material, and I'm kind of worried I'd fuck things up and ruin it and our friendship. On the other hand though, this is probably the only chance I'll get with him, so maybe I should just take it. I don't really know what to say to him, he said I didn't have to answer right away, but I'm not sure when we'll talk again or when he'll ask again.

    I know this isn't really a question anyone can answer, but I'm just a little nervous and anxious about it, and I'm not really sure what to say or how to say it. I guess in a way I'm kind of happy and I want someone else to know, but I'm also just sort of venting some worries I have about what happened.
     
  2. skygenie

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2020
    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Australia
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think you’ll regret it if you don’t at least try to be with him, see how things go. But explain your anxieties to him, how it is new for you and you don't want to ruin the friendship. If he is willing to be patient, it could really be a great thing for you both. And even if the relationship doesn't work out, at least you'll gain some insight into your sexuality, and can enter a new relationship with more confidence. Best of luck :slight_smile:
     
    Omegduh and Andrew7 like this.
  3. Ram90

    Moderator Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2015
    Messages:
    969
    Likes Received:
    316
    Location:
    India
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I think it's proof of how much your friend trusts you, that they've expressed their true feelings towards you. That said, you don't have to do anything you aren't comfortable with. So, I'd say tell him about your anxiety and fears. Maybe you guys could go ahead without defining anything. You don't have to follow any specific "relationship-rules" and give it a name. That way there won't be any pressure. Maybe you could do this for a month or a bit longer till you know for sure if you want to continue having the "relationship" with them or not. I'm sure they could use this time to figure out if the both of "click" or not too. :slight_smile:. Just be honest with them (you friend)
     
  4. Bolt35

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2014
    Messages:
    1,223
    Likes Received:
    15
    Location:
    Queens,NY
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I agree. communciation would be a big benefit for you here, if you talked to him about your concerns about moving forward romantically. It sounds like you guys get along very well, I'm sure he will hear you out. Just be honest with your feelings and ask him the same questions you've been having the entire time.
     
  5. skloorrpt

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2020
    Messages:
    69
    Likes Received:
    14
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    @skygenie @Ram90 @Bolt35
    Thanks for all for the advice. I'm not sure when he'll ask again, but I'll try to be honest with him when he does. One thing that I didn't mention in my original post that I probably should have is that he is currently out of state for school, and I won't get the chance to see him in person for a couple more months, so that could make things a little harder. I do think that I'd be willing to give it a try though. I just have hard time talking about this type of thing, so I'll have to think about what exactly I want to say.
     
  6. Ram90

    Moderator Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2015
    Messages:
    969
    Likes Received:
    316
    Location:
    India
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    How about telling them you don't want to get into a relationship, but take it as it goes? Since you're not in the same place anyway, if they brings the topic up again, you could say you don't mind being more than friends and leave it that? Let time define the relationship?
     
  7. Lucy Marie

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2020
    Messages:
    73
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    MHK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I am a huge fan of lists. Huge fan. Listing/journaling will allow you to see more clearly what you feel. If you can maybe ask friend to create list as well, so you can see where each other stand. And, it allows both of you to bring up points you might not focus on in the talk.
    No rush. Take care of you.
    ((momhugs))
     
  8. skloorrpt

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2020
    Messages:
    69
    Likes Received:
    14
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I don't know it's hard to explain. It's like I do want to give it a try, but I also don't. It maybe sounds weird, but I don't really like the idea of him with someone else, at the same time I'm not sure if I want to be with him. I guess it's just that I worry this could be my only chance so I have to take it, and maybe I just need to build up the courage to do it.
     
  9. skloorrpt

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2020
    Messages:
    69
    Likes Received:
    14
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Thanks for the suggestion, I might do this, but I'm a little hesitant to. I made another post about this, but I've written something about this down before, and it ended up screwing me over quite a bit. Long story short, I forgot to recycle the piece of paper, and somehow my mom found it. So now she knows that I'm not too sure of myself sexually, which I really didn't need to happen, but I guess I can't change it now.
     
  10. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    15,003
    Likes Received:
    2,928
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I echo the comments about communication. Be honest that it's new, that you're a bit scared about it, that you value the friendship and don't want to mess it up... and that you are also intrigued and interested. Vulnerability in a relationship is one of the best things to bring emotional intimacy and connection.
     
  11. QuietPeace

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2020
    Messages:
    350
    Likes Received:
    138
    Location:
    Northern Europe
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    This just does not sound healthy, being with someone in order to keep them from being with anyone else is not good for them or you. Maybe you should get some therapy first to work on how you would be in a relationship.

    Could this have been a subconscious attempt to come out? or maybe you should just learn to be more careful with how you take care of your stuff. If I write anything down and then decide that I don't want anyone to see it I burn it.
     
  12. skloorrpt

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2020
    Messages:
    69
    Likes Received:
    14
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Thanks, I'll probably have a bit of trouble opening up about something like this, but I guess I'll just have to try.
     
  13. skloorrpt

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2020
    Messages:
    69
    Likes Received:
    14
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I know that probably sounds bad, but I don't know if it's that I want to keep him from being with someone else. I guess it's just a weird jealously thing maybe, I know that isn't good, but maybe it means I do actually want to be with him.
    I wish I would've gotten rid of that piece of paper. It was just some scratch piece of paper that I quickly scribbled a not on, then I forgot about it in my desk. Then I accidentally brought it with me when I moved back from college. Anyways, thanks for the reply.
     
  14. Monraffe

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 2, 2014
    Messages:
    415
    Likes Received:
    13
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I disagree with the idea that you need to hurry up and decide. I think that is bad advice because you obviously are not ready to decide. You need time to think about this and that should’ve your answer to your friend. If he truly wants to be a couple he will continue to hang out with you until you are ready. After all, that’s what couples do.
     
  15. Lucy Marie

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2020
    Messages:
    73
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    MHK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I am SO late (got new device and suffer from middle age brain!) with response.
    Maybe journal online?
    You know best, you truly do!
    I wish nothing but happiness for you
    ((momhugs))
     
  16. skloorrpt

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2020
    Messages:
    69
    Likes Received:
    14
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I know I don’t need to hurry up, I'm still trying to decide what to do, but I told him I want to talk about it with him, so we are going to discuss it a little more when we get the chance.
     
  17. skloorrpt

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2020
    Messages:
    69
    Likes Received:
    14
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    It's ok I forgot to check back here the last few days anyways. I guess I'm sort of using this site as a way to make an online journal. Thanks for taking the time to reply.
     
    Lucy Marie likes this.
  18. KeLeWi

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2020
    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    15
    Location:
    Albuquerque
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    You've gotten some really good advice here. I just want to add that it sounds like you have a lot of confusion about yourself. The good news is that you are young. Part of growing up is learning about yourself and what it is you want and like. It takes some time and some experiences. It sounds like you have a good friend (maybe more than friend) who wants to explore with you. That is what this time is for. Be honest with your friend. Take it slow. See how things go. Best of luck to you.
     
  19. skloorrpt

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2020
    Messages:
    69
    Likes Received:
    14
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Thanks, sorry for the super late reply. I definitely feel confused about myself in a lot of ways. I know I'm still pretty young and I have time to figure it out, but it just feels like something I should know by now. I guess that's just because it seems like no one else even has to put effort into figuring something like this out. It seems like everyone else just knows somehow, so the fact that I managed to get this far in life feeling so unsure is confusing to me. I do want to discuss it with my friend a bit more, I talked about it with him a little bit, it's a pretty awkward topic for me, but I managed to tell him that I think I might regret it if we didn't at least try it out. We haven't really gotten the chance to discuss if further since then, but I think I want to. Thanks again, I appreciate the response!