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Kind of a heavy topic, but I had to talk about it somewhere.

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by RedHeadHatter, Jun 8, 2015.

  1. RedHeadHatter

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    OK, the topic is death, but not the way you might be thinking, it is about how it affects the living, to be more precise, the ones that didn't have as much contact with them. The thing is, last thursday two girls from my school died in a car accident (They weren't wearing safety belts), I didn't know them very much, however, I saw one of them a few times (Never really talked to). Today there was a memorial on their behalf an I kind of felt obligated to go and pay my respects. I am usually scared of death, I can't even stand the thought of there being no afterlife. This time, however, this thoughts didn't cross my mind,I mean, I am sure they will, it's been only a day since I've known of their deaths, but I don't want them to come. This is the first time someone I actually saw on a daily basis died and suddenly everything is becoming kind of... real.
    Anyway, I just needed to be heard. If any of you is willing to tell who was the first person that was close to you that died, feel free.
     
  2. The Wallflower

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    My grandparents, my pets, then my dad, more of my pets, then my cousin. I've been to a lot of funerals.

    I never really felt the true, hard hit of reality until my dad died, of course. It's something that still doesn't feel real; I think about him occasionally and still can't believe he's gone.

    I completely understand how you feel. I must admit I fear death, as well... for the same reason as you.
     
  3. mangotree

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    I was about 12 years old the last time I lost someone close (my Grandfather), so it somehow didn't affect me as much as I think it would today. Him being removed from my life forever seemed more like a matter of fact than a philosophical/mental/spiritual lesson or something to dwell on.

    As an adult though, WHEN I do lose someone close to me again - I imagine that it will be like a lightning bolt reminding me of the transience and impermanence of everything. As if to say "Dan, for god sake - make the most of your life".
     
  4. RedHeadHatter

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    Man, you don't know how much it means to me to know I am not the only one fearing nothingness. All of my friends don't give a damn, they told me to just accept it because there is no use having fear of something you can't control, I know they are kind of right, but I just can't agree with them...
     
  5. Doppelganger

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    Some little kid I barely knew died at my cousin's birthday party (yay). Well, he was on his way riding his bike and well, yeah. It was awful, a friend of his came crying saying he "fell over his bike". I don't think I will ever forget it, I was twelve and it was so real for the first time.
     
  6. Simple Thoughts

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    I know what you mean.

    At my work on The Saturday before last one of the guys I've been working with for moths now died of a heart attack.

    I didn't really know him personally beyond him making everyone laugh with his witty responses to our boss during our 15min breaks, and I didn't really feel depressed about him dying.

    I did feel weird, and sad but not depressed.

    I've also noticed that at break time the energy is still kinda the same. I mean now it's someone else making the jokes, but the jokes are still being made. The exchanges still exist.

    That, I think, worries me quite a bit.

    The idea that once your gone what you did can just be handed over to someone else and it's like you were never even there to begin with.

    If anything about death really bothers me, it's that.


    I hate thinking about how meaningless my life actually is. It's worse in my case though cause if I went tomorrow I've got nothing to show for my run.

    I'm the quiet guy in his bedroom on the internet 24/7

    I don't leave an impression on anyone or bring anything to the table.

    My life literally doesn't matter.

    Maybe it has the potential to, but I have a tendancy to lazy out on everything I try to do and there is no clear ending to that trend in the foreseeable future.
     
  7. HuskyPup

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    Reading this thread made me post a poll on the fear of death, and I related a story of my best friend who died at age 29 there; we met when we were 13. I've had all four grandparents die (oddly enough, all in the same year: 2004), a cousin killed himself on his 21st birthday (though we were not that close, it was still very hard), I've known a few friends from going out who have OD'd; sometimes, it's like lightning is striking all around, and so far, I've been lucky.

    But I think I know how you feel, confronted with the unknown yet very real and permanent nature of it; it's hard to be reminded of oneself getting closer to one's demise. And like you, I've never been able to really believe in an afterlife.
     
    #7 HuskyPup, Jun 8, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2015
  8. mangotree

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    I like to think that I am just going to the same nothingness as that which I was in before before I was conceived. It wasn't scary at all.
     
    #8 mangotree, Jun 8, 2015
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  9. aeva

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    People tend to think I'm messed up because I am VERY comfortable with death, and always have been. Maybe it's because my mom died when I was little, maybe it's because I've always been fascinated by biology and medicine, maybe it's because I've been suicidal for most of my life, maybe it's because I've worked in an animal hospital since age 12 and have seen probably hundreds of patients die over the years. Quite possibly it's a combination of all those things, and more. But yeah, I'm definitely fascinated by death, and don't have the "normal" emotions attached to it. There are 4 living creatures whose death would make me sad, and that's it. I tend not to think of it as a sad event, and am often confused when others do.
     
  10. EnviroLady

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    I'm not sure if you have organisations there but in Australia we have organisations we can call to talk about this sort of thing. Grief line, lifeline. Suicide line etc. I hope you find someone you can talk to and feel free to talk to me on here if you would like. Death is really difficult to deal with at any age, in Australia the schools offer counselling if a child at the school passes away (for any reason). Thanks for sharing you experience with us. It is great you were able to pay your respects and felt free to talk to us all.
     
  11. PhoenixOfAshes

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    Hmm... I've had a few people die before. My mom died when I was eight, but I don't really remember that too much, my great-aunt died when I was nine. A different aunt of mine died about a month ago, and two weeks ago a boy from my school was in a motorcycle accident and was killed.

    I've experienced a bit of death on and off throughout my life, but my family handles it weird. We're taught not to cry, not to get upset and we're not allowed to mourn. We find it insulting to mourn the dead because then you're focusing on the fact that you don't have them anymore and we think that it's very selfish to go about it that way. Instead we are supposed to isolate ourselves for a minimum of 2 hours and think about the memories we had of them, their life, who they were as a person, and we're supposed to understand that just because they're physically gone, doesn't mean they're no longer with us. Their memory is a very powerful thing, which is what we focus on. (We still respect people who do mourn, we just don't feel it necessary)

    I don't really think about death that much, and I don't feel sad when people die for the reason stated above. I think that if you're afraid of death, it's a very hard thing to deal with, but I guess that's where spirituality or religion comes in. I'm not a huge fan of religion, but it can be people's rock when it comes to things like fearing death. If you're not a religious or a spiritual person, then like EnviroLady said there might be people or places you can go to if you need to talk about it.
     
  12. Lazuri

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    They say that whenever somebody dies, around 500 people are affected by it on average. It sounds like a large number, but if you think about it, it's not. You barely knew these girls and look how it is affecting you.

    People tend to not realize the weight of death until it happens to somebody in their vicinity and when it happens so suddenly you realize how fragile we are. One day you're there and the other day all we were is gone--like breath on a mirror.

    But the important part is how you use this realization. Some people will fear death more than before. They get so preoccupied with keeping their lives that they forget how to live it. Other's realize how precious it is and that you need to make use of the time you have.
     
  13. Tai

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    My grandma is dying right now, I am actually skipping school today to go spend time with her. She's in a coma and will not likely come out... The first person to die that affected me was my dad's brother. He had special needs and died young, but he used to play with me all the time and I was sad to see him go. I was around 8 or 9 years old. I also lost my uncle (he was really my dad's cousin, but they were as close as brothers) and it was mostly just hard seeing the kids in such a mess. I also had a classmate die, we were in 8th grade. One of the biggest storms to hit our tiny town, because everyone knew him (I'm from a 2B school in the country). It was really hard, he was the class clown and literally no one disliked him... The memorial was packed.
     
  14. biisme

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    My high school had a lot of deaths in the years I was there. We had someone die from an undiagnosed heart condition while at baseball practice, a boy commit suicide, a girl die in a car accident because her cousin was going 70 on back roads, and a scribe drive his car into the school doors after he was fired. But, I didn't know any of these people really well.

    What really hit me hard is my grandmother who I was incredibly close to died after a long battle with cancer. I left school to go home for her funeral. On the day of her wake, my best friend back at school collapsed, was taken to the hospital, and died all in just a few hours. He had a bad "cold" for the last week or so and it turned out to be an infection in his heart. And, none of my friends felt up to it, so I had to call all our mutual friends and tell them, and I had to call his mom across the country to tell her. So, that was a really bad week.

    Because I was at home, I never got to see him in the hospital before he passed, I didn't get to see his body after the fact like many of my friends did, and I didn't get to grieve with my friends either because I was in a different state. On top of that, I felt guilty going to my grandmother's funeral the next day and wishing I had been back at school so I could have been there with him. And crying for someone else at her funeral.

    And when I went back to school I was in charge of all the particulars for his memorial. So, I couldn't just break down. I feel like I missed my chance to grieve properly, because I had to hold it together to pull off the memorial.

    Anyways, those were the first deaths that really, really hit me on a profound level.
     
  15. Michael

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    First time I cried because of death I was 12. My grandfather had just passed away, and even if we were not very close, I always felt he was blood... I was confused by the news, and way too unaware of what it really meant to comfort my mother (who didn't showed strong emotions back then, at least not in front of me).
    However I became aware of the meaning that night, as I was in my bed thinking. Suddenly a thought crossed my mind 'Shit, he is dead... I'll never see him again'.

    That hit me.

    The worst is that you can't talk to him, or see him... And the question 'Is he doing allright?' Well, obviously... And you can go on 'Is he happy?' 'Is he thinking of me?' 'Does he need me right now, does he need someone, should I give him a call to tell him tere is someone who cares...?

    How could I hear your voice again?

    Two years ago my best friend and partner for 7 years of my life died suddenly and unexpectedly. That was the first corpse ever I saw in my whole life, and not only 'saw', but also helped to clean, undress and then groom for the funeral.

    I don't think I can describe to you with words what I felt, feel and most probably will keep feeling for the rest of my life. I never accepted death before that... Afterwards I became angry with it, and I'm still very angry. To hear people sayin 'it's natural' pisses me off. They also said that dying at 30 because of the flu was 'natural'.

    Even if it would have not worked between us as a couple, I miss the human being, the friend, so much... He cared about me, and he seemed happy next to me.

    I often remember him, almost daily. I see that his favourite singer will come to town and it makes me sad 'cause he wil miss the fun.

    Allright, that's enough...
     
  16. Ryu

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    'Plenty of people die all the time and she's just one of them'-juuzou suzuya
    This is my opinion of death. Admittedly the worst death I've had to face is my cats. All three in about a month, and I really liked them and all, but they died. Oh well. The end, carry on.
    People think I'm a total weirdo for thinking like this, but I think everyone else is strange for caring so much about people. I really don't get this whole emotion thing over death... In all honesty I'm kinda hoping that my grandparents pop their clogs soon because I'll get some of their inheritence, so that's good, and this again makes me crazy for some reason.
    And then on the whole 'fearing death' thing... This confuses me just as much. Two things are certain in your time on earth, you are born and you die, and nothing more. So where's the point of fearing death when you know it's gonna happen to everyone, which is one of the most uplifting things I think about, 'Don't you worry because everybody will die'(-kill your heroes-AWOLnation) is one of my faviroute lines in any song, because it's how I think;Fuck you your gonna die eventually, so will I admittedly, but oh well on the grand scheme of things we're nothing.


    This is an interesting thread.
     
    #16 Ryu, Jun 10, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 10, 2015
  17. RedHeadHatter

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    I've finally read all the posts, thank you so much for taking your time and sharing your stories. For those of you who are in the eminence of having someone close dead or have been traumatised by it, I send my condolences.
    It's been two long days since I posted this, the thing is, I thought about it for a while, I wasn't close to the girls, but thinking that there is no more possibility of meeting them in the hallways or getting to know them was pretty terrifying, however, since I barely knew them, it was pretty easy to get over their deaths. There is a mural for school announcements and people are putting post-its on it with supportive messages, after spending half an hour reading the most part of them,I finally wrote one myself, with that done I felt pretty relieved. (I know it's kind of dumb but I felt better after it.)
     
  18. Astral

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    When I was in the ninth grade, one of my friends was hit by a train skipping school with some other kids in my grade. He was in a coma for several weeks, which eventually resulted in the plug being pulled. It was intensely difficult, considering he'd been in my hometown since childhood as well, and our high school only had 800 students. It rocked the community, and to this day still does. I remember when his girlfriend (whom was good friends with me at the time) called me at two in the morning, and let me know that he had passed and no one other than her, his family and myself knew. I recall going to school the next day, walking down the halls hearing people talk of my friend in hopeful ways, which was the most difficult part as I already knew he was gone.

    I went out for a cigarette between classes, and all at once, it seemed the school emptied out. People were walking everywhere, some crying, some angry, and at that moment I knew I wasn't alone in my knowledge anymore.

    I've never felt something so intense as 800 people losing someone so close, it was hands down the eeriest thing to happen to me. I'll never forget the air that day, and how heavy it was with sorrows.
     
  19. CTJ

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    My mothers side of the family has always been in the profession of end of life care. Be that my cousin who is a paramedic, who more than often deals with extreme cases that ends in death, my aunts and grandmother who deal with elderly care or my mother who has worked in the funeral industry my entire life. I have grown up with death. I have spent time working with my mum in the funeral industry and see death as another part of life. It is horrible to say, but people die. There is no reason, no overall plan, people just die. Its not nice, its not kind, it is always tragic and more often than not, downright horrific.

    What i have taken away from my lifetime of being surrounded by the dying or the dead, is that you cannot fixate on the what ifs, the buts and the unfulfilled wishes. Live your life as best you can, that is all anyone can do.
     
  20. wewillbeokay

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    I lost my nana when I was eleven. She was like my second mother. I'd had friends die before and since then, but nothing has effected me the same way. :icon_redf