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Just unsure of gender identity or mtf in the making?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by LaplaceScramble, Jun 20, 2021.

  1. LaplaceScramble

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2011
    Messages:
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    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    To tl;dr some preface: started questioning sexuality and gender identity in 2011-12, Freshman year of college, tried experimenting with Gender, parents found out and while not a negative reaction, was such a strong overreaction, looking back, I'm fairly certain that set me back quite a bit. Ultimately walked away as Pansexual (varying degrees of not-open) and stopped looking at my gender. still felt weird about it on and off for awhile, mostly ignored. 2019 I joined a new hobby who's community is vast majority LGBT, felt a bit more at ease, currently sitting at nonbinary.

    So present. The one thing I can say for certain is I don't believe I'm male. Whether NB is as far as it goes or if I may transition mtf someday I don't know. Not sure what triggered it, maybe getting back into the above mentioned community after living at home all of quarantine (yay), but I'm back at wondering what I did at the start of my gender journey: am I female? In a lot of ways I like presenting masculine, but I always find myself wishing I could present as masculine the same way I often see lesbians do. Or similar gender envy from mtf and even ftm. What I've always had in the back of my mind about my sexuality has been: do I say I'm pan because I like women but liking men gives me the same sex/gay option? Do I like women in a gay way?

    I could probably go into more detail but I don't really know what I'm looking for here and I'd rather not ramble. Maybe similar stories where people had the same questions and found answers to them so I at least know some other ways I can examine myself?
     
  2. onlyhuman33

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2015
    Messages:
    124
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    Location:
    West Virginia
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I can't say I have had the same exact experience. But I am a Bisexual MtF trans woman, so I guess I can relate somewhat to what you are going through. I think I kinda knew what I was when I came to terms with what I was. In other words, I've always known I was bi, but the whole trans thing took a long time for me to realize. Once I did, everything just seemed to start making sense. I was able to transition and now I am happy and really don'd think a whole lot about it. My advice, as always, is to maybe find a great trans-friendly therapist to bounce these introspective questions off of. Also, even though the prize at the finish line is an incredible feeling of being at peace within yourself, self exploration is a marathon and not a sprint. You have time to figure things out. The more time you take, the more experiences you gain. And those experiences may have all the answers you are looking for. Good luck!!