To tl;dr some preface: started questioning sexuality and gender identity in 2011-12, Freshman year of college, tried experimenting with Gender, parents found out and while not a negative reaction, was such a strong overreaction, looking back, I'm fairly certain that set me back quite a bit. Ultimately walked away as Pansexual (varying degrees of not-open) and stopped looking at my gender. still felt weird about it on and off for awhile, mostly ignored. 2019 I joined a new hobby who's community is vast majority LGBT, felt a bit more at ease, currently sitting at nonbinary. So present. The one thing I can say for certain is I don't believe I'm male. Whether NB is as far as it goes or if I may transition mtf someday I don't know. Not sure what triggered it, maybe getting back into the above mentioned community after living at home all of quarantine (yay), but I'm back at wondering what I did at the start of my gender journey: am I female? In a lot of ways I like presenting masculine, but I always find myself wishing I could present as masculine the same way I often see lesbians do. Or similar gender envy from mtf and even ftm. What I've always had in the back of my mind about my sexuality has been: do I say I'm pan because I like women but liking men gives me the same sex/gay option? Do I like women in a gay way? I could probably go into more detail but I don't really know what I'm looking for here and I'd rather not ramble. Maybe similar stories where people had the same questions and found answers to them so I at least know some other ways I can examine myself?