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Just told my husband I am a lesbian... Now I am terrified.

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Stephanie8, Aug 1, 2020.

  1. Stephanie8

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    Hello,
    New member here. I am a 31yr old woman, with 3 kids and am married to my best friend. I have always known I was gay, but hid it. Last night I told my husband. I think I broke his heart. Now I feel so alone and afraid. I never intended to break up our family. What about my kids? I feel very lost.
     
  2. LostInDaydreams

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    Hi and welcome to EC!

    That was really brave, well done! It might not feel like it now, but it was really was brave. And you’re not alone, there are plenty of people on EC that have gone through a similar experience. Deep breaths. Things will probably be challenging in the short term, but will feel better in the long term as you’ll have the freedom to be your true self.

    How did your husband react?
     
  3. Stephanie8

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    He was sad, and asked if I didn't love him anymore. I said that I do, but not in the way I thought I could. This morning we talked a bit more and he said that he wants to help me through this. We have not spoken yet about separation or divorce. I wish there was a way for me to be fully myself without divorce. Maybe there is. I don't know yet.
     
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  4. silverhalo

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    Hey I can totally understand why you feel alone but try not to be too hard on yourself. It is good that he wants to try and help you work through it even if it doesnt end up ending the way he might want. As long as in the end you and your husband are ok then your kids will be fine. They are much more resilient than we generally give them credit for. Take care of yourself.
     
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  5. Stephanie8

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    Thank you ❤
     
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  6. Ess B

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    I’m new here too, and saw your post. I haven’t been married, but a close friend of mine is, and she and her husband’s marriage has changed over time, since she’s realized she’s bisexual (several years into their marriage). It wasn’t what he wanted to hear either, but she wanted to be honest with him. They are still married, but in a different way. They both see other people, but stay together because they love each other, and because they have two teenagers. I guess I just wanted to say there are all kinds of marriages & relationships. If you love each other, it can be whatever kind of relationship you both need.
     
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  7. BlueOcean

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    I’m the same age as you and in a similar situation. Please have a look at my posts.

    I’ve recently found a counsellor who specialises in sexuality issues. We’ve only have one session so far but it’s great to find someone who understands and will hopefully help me through. Perhaps you could look at getting counselling?
     
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  8. LaraB

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    Hi! I'm about 6 months further ahead than you. We've started couples therapy which is really helping having an open forum between us. Still haven't made any decisions but we've decided not to rush it. We still love each other so hoping whichever path we take forward we still continue to do so.

    Don't feel you need to make decisions quickly, and there's no cookie-cutter for what it will look like, there are lots of options. Your relationship will change but it doesn't have to end.
     
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  9. Stephanie8

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    Thank you! I have heard a ton of horror stories so hearing this makes me feel so much better.
     
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  10. Really

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    I think that’s the way with everything. We’re more likely to hear the bad stories of people’s experiences rather than the good. When things are positive, people just get on with their lives. When things aren’t, people are more likely to talk about it. So just remember, there is always the chance things will work out just fine and go as smoothly as they possibly can under the circumstances. And there are always people around who can help with any part of the process. And we’re here to “hold your hand”. :]
     
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