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Just read an interesting article on fantasies and orientation

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Username18920, Apr 30, 2020.

  1. Username18920

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    I am always trying to figure out where all this started with me and how I came to be ultimately mostly gay, long story short I was into women or thought I was into them for the first 20 yrs of my life, then after getting hit on by several men in my late teenage years began to have fantasies involving men out of the blue. It began by me imagining my girlfriend with other people, after a few years it morphed into me being guided or dominated by a man or several men, it was exciting and dirty and got me off with the whole this is disgusting taboo angle of it, but I would feel so guilty afterwards and try to deny it excited me like it did and tried to stop having these thoughts. I would think I love women sexually and romantically why am I doing this? The more I tried to stop or change the outcomes in these fantasies the more they grew inside me and the further they went, I would be so confused by my excitement doing it that I would try to switch to thoughts of women right at the moment of "takeoff" and tell myself it was just taboo thoughts that got me going after the fact and I really am straight. Then next time I'm laying down BOOM! back to those men again, I couldn't stop..That interest lead me to start experimenting with toys and exploring gay video or going on to chat lines (before the internet 90s) but being too nervous to leave a message to anyone, I was in denial but was a huge turn on for me to be so straight acting and have a girlfriend or girlfriends but secretly getting off to men with my secret life.
    So anyways, I've always tried to dig deeper into where this came from, was it something I was born with and denied or something I cultivated through repetitive thoughts and actions? The old nature versus nurture issue. So after all the searches on the net that offered the usual answers, you may be bi, gay, experimenting, confused etc etc. I find this article that cites a bunch of different research articles that makes more sense than anything else I have read, one article I read years ago I agreed with is you might be what you fantasize about, meaning that if you always fantasize about men and not women and it goes on for years thats a good indication you might be more than just experimenting or questioning. This new article I just read goes on to say that "homosexual fantasies usually predate homosexual experiences by several years, and if these fantasies are predominate they dictate later homosexual orientation" there was way more to it than that but that line stuck, I know it sounds like black and white thinking and everybody is on their own trip, but when I read all you other guys stories and can relate to the denial, guilt, questioning and ultimately for a lot of us realizing that maybe we are more than just questioning. I know in my case I am ultimately gay, and always was. I just didn't want to admit it because of the times I grew up in, I wish I could have a do over and not have spent so much time thinking and got out there doing instead.
     
  2. Mihael

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    Sounds about right to me. If it persists, it’s more than an incident.
     
  3. Franz007

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    Thanks. It would be interesting to read these articles you are refering to. Sure i agree that fantasizing that much is more than just questioning. But are you talking about what we think when we masturbate for example? And not necessarily fantasizing about a man we know? More about if its M2M? Because it‘s a bit my case. I love being in love with women and having sex with them. But i have low needs. But when it comes about fantasizing, the kinky part of the sex comes to my mind. And then i always picture a man making love to me, because for me Analsex can be a great pleasure and its still a bit of a taboo. That makes it quite confusing because since 25 years i had quite a lot sex with men and like it very much. It‘s just the emotionally part that isn‘t there. And men never catched my eye in everydays life, not even at a beach. I just don‘t have interests in looking at men. I notice only the beautiful girls and dream of having such a girlfriend, making love to her etc.
     
    #3 Franz007, May 1, 2020
    Last edited: May 1, 2020