I really want to come out. Every day I feel like I am lying to not only the people around me but also to myself. At a school dance the other night, I spent quite some time crying in the bathroom looking through this site on my phone, trying to find something that might help me, and thinking about the fact that I like girls and not guys. This really means a lot to me. I mostly want to tell one of my close friends, but I run into quite a few problems there. First, I don't know if it's the right time to tell her. She's been feeling kinda depressed lately. Her friend/girlfriend just moved away (it wasn't really serious, we're still really young). She took today off of school to have some time to herself. I don't know if I should put this on her, but it's something that I feel I really need. Second, I don't want her to treat me any differently. My dad died two years ago, and all of my friends started treating me like I was made of glass. They gave me all of their sympathy and never looked at me the same. I was no longer one of their friends, now I was the girl who's dad died. We broke apart when we started middle school, and I think that was partly because of what happened. I had to start over and make new friends, none of whom know about my dad. I'm scared that my friend will treat me differently if I come out to. Everyone has their own idea of who you are. They gather information from you and try to fit together the puzzle that is you. When you ruin this idea, it's like you give them another puzzle piece. sometimes, this piece fits in with the rest. Sometimes, they have to take apart the puzzle and put in back together, using all of the pieces. Sometimes, when they put it back together, it just doesn't make sense and they don't get you anymore. That's what I'm afraid of. I don't want this to ruin our relationship, but she knows who I am. She had her own idea of me. And I don't know if this puzzle piece will fit in easily or if she will need to take apart the puzzle to put it in. Please help! I really need advice!
Hey. Let me tell ya, that sucks. I hope it makes you feel better to know that a lot of us have been in the same boat and we understand how sucky it can be. Firstly, make sure you're safe before coming out. This means, make sure your legal guardian won't hurt you, disown you, or abuse you (this can be anything from emotional abuse to physical abuse to forcing you into therapy). You want to be sure of this even if you're not planning on telling your guardian at the moment in case you are outed, accidentally or on purpose. Secondly, you don't have to tell your friend this second. I know it feels like a ton of rocks on your chest and you just want to tell people so that you can get the rocks off and finally breathe again. However, you want a good response from her. Try giving her a week. Be there for her. Know you're thinking of her as she deals with her own problem. Then, if she's feeling better, tell her about yours. It may end up being a welcome distraction to her anyway. Third, sometimes people treat you differently for being lgbt. It sucks. Sometimes they don't. Sometimes they will at first, but eventually warm up. It may take your friend some time to get used to the idea. If she is your real friend she will be supportive. And you may have to find new friends, not to replace her, but to be extra support for you if she's not receptive to the idea at first. However, you said she had a girlfriend? If she is lgbt, why would she treat you differently for it? Lastly, go with your gut! The people on this forum are here to help you, but you know your circumstances better than anyone else. Trust your instinct rather than mine as everyone's instinct is biased according to their own set of circumstances. Good luck! Optimist17
