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Just like that?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Mihael, Nov 3, 2018.

  1. Mihael

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    I came out to one of those friends who took part in the conversation that I'm not like a girl. He was cool with it. The coming out was surprisingly easy for me. Now I think... do I say it just like that, that I am a guy? I leave the name and pronouns for later, when I'm done with coming out and if I will still want it. But do I just come out...? Hey, I'm a guy actually. I'm trangender. Hmmm. I feel cool with it, but I feel like maybe I missed something? I mean, people would normally do it when transitioning medically or changing the way they dress? I have been dressing masculine, but it's not at the same moment. I'm also not sure if I dress all this masculine. Nevermind, I'm just venting.
     
  2. Mihael

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    I have to say I'm afraid that once I do everything, people will expect from me to take hormones. It's just... hormones are not all about gender presentation. They have their health impact too. Especially fertility impact. Being dependent on drugs doesn't sound fun either. I don't pass... but so what? Is it bad to not pass? Is it bad to look like a girl and be able to carry a child? Like, for me it doesn't seem like this.

    Uh, I have to say that I'm still getting used to all this. To the being out in the public thing.
     
  3. Cailan

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    Unlike MtF estrogen therapy, MtF testosterone therapy does NOT render the person infertile. In fact, if you're on testosterone they recommend barrier methods of birth control because some guys get pregnant accidentally while on T, and it causes miscarriage and/or birth defects. If you go off of testosterone, even for a few months, in most cases the ovaries will recover on their own. It's getting quite common for guys who have been on testosterone for years to take a break for childbearing, and get pregnant/bear children with little trouble. You are only guaranteed to lose fertility if you get hysto.
     
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  4. Crisalide

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    I came out, people don't expect me to take hormones. Some of them asked the embarrassing question: "So will you get The Surgery" (...ugh), but I skirted it with "I don't know" because it was none of their damn business, and now they behave as usual, without talking about gender if I don't talk about it first.
     
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  5. Hawk

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    Of course it's not bad, and I don't think people should be guilted into medically transitioning if they feel it's not for them. Some trans people also literally cannot take hormones for whatever reason. You're 100% valid however much or little you decide to transition. I think society wants people to fit this mould they have placed on men and women, trans and cis. Don't be pressured into thinking you need to medically transition if it's not for you.

    Depends what you want to do. If you want to leave the name and pronouns for later, that's fine. Though, you might be asked then and there by the person what you prefer to go by.
     
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  6. Mihael

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    Thanks for the info. This is surprising.

    Lol, I got someone assume that I already did something... because I'm not the most feminine looking person ever and I walk like I have a dick and I was binding at this time.

    Thanks for this post. It's good that you put it in a perspective.

    Yeah... that's true that I might be asked when coming out. Thanks for pointing that out. I didn't think about it.



    It might sound confusing, but I don't think hormones are the wisest choice in terms of being attractive as a partner. The traditional way is pretty foolproof. I find it easy to get a boyfriend. A straight or bi one. A lot of men dig tomboys. I fall for men from time to time. It's just effortless. I want to have a family... it's going to happen effortlessly. Now, I would be messing with this easy way things are if I took hormones. Just... why do that? I was already afraid that if I was too much of a tomboy, I would break this. Turns out that not too much. Idk. I tried to date girls... it's hard simply because gay and bi girls are so few and far between. If two women want to set up a family, it's also harder than just having sex, so what every normal couple does. I think that's what I'm getting at with the fertility.

    But Geez, why am I even feeling like I need to justify myself? Or that I cannot tell others how I feel if I don't find hormones appealing? I would gladly look like a guy, but maybe other means are better.
     
  7. Flynn S

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    This was my thought before I went on hormones. In fact, it was the one thing stopping me from going on hormones. I was convinced that T would isolate me from the entire world, that nobody would find me attractive because I didn’t have all the right parts and therefore would not look fully one gender or the other. I brought this up to my therapist and she asked me an important question: if I didn’t go on hormones and I kept all of this hidden away inside my head, how would I know if my partner truly loves me - all of me? Regardless of the answer, I knew this question would bother me for the rest of my life. So I decided to transition because I knew living happily as myself would be better, even if it meant it would be much harder to find a partner to live my life with, though I think this connection would be more meaningful anyway.

    Not taking hormones is completely fine, but if attractiveness is the only thing stopping you from hormone therapy, you may want to reconsider. Not passing is okay too, it doesn't make you any less of who you are.

    Also, in my opinion physical attractiveness doesn’t weigh much - if you are comfortable and confident in yourself you will be attractive regardless of your physical appearance.
     
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  8. Mihael

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    This is a good question to ask for sure. I had that hangup about behaving unfeminine. Like wearing men's clothes, having short hair, cress humour, combat sports and games... it turned out to be true to a degree, but I don't regret what I've lost. I didn't like the relationships based on my femininity anyway. I always felt like I'm roleplaying, like I'm not really there. Not too fun. Sure, tomboys are deemed less attractive by and large. But are still attractive to a lot of people. And more attractove than feminine women to people that I am attracted to. So no loss for me, only good things.

    I think it's always a question of what can be gained and what can be lost. With hormones, on the other hand, I have a lot to lose (messing with a whole combo of things that make up kid making: both the attractiveness and the biology of it) and nothing to gain. I mean, what are the positives? That someone would think I'm a valid trans person? Doesn't sound like a good argument to me. It just doesn't. It sounds like peer pressure.

    As for the biological side of things, I have my hormone problems from time to time and when ovaries switch off, the brain goes loco. Literally. It's awful. One one hand, removing a hormone might work like this, on the other hand, it might be hormonal mess that has such negative impact on emotional and mental health. It's also not a given that going off T to get pregnant isn't going to make conceiving hard. I mean, cis women might take several months to conceive. I don't think T is a factor that makes it easier. Heck, I might have to wait for pregnancy anyway, because I have irregular periods, sometimes I lose them for months and nobody knows why. (This reminds me that I have to book a gyno visit)

    But whatever floats your boat, as long as you feel it's right for you and that HRT makes you happy. I mean, I'm not bothered by not passing... it's not that I don't pass at all, though. I get both sirred and madamed, although sirred less frequently. I'm not sure what I would gain from hormones, simply. I'm oblivious to looking androgynous when I am on my own, I'm also oblivious to being mistaken for a woman by strangers. People I know are fixable. I don't have a hard time convincing them, I think. The crux is often in knowing what exactly you mean and/or want. And also, a certain degree of knowing someone makes them not care about your gender, makes them see you as simply you, not a member of a category. It's also not like people don't see that they should treat me like a guy, even if I don't pass, especially since I cut my hair short and worked on the way I dress. So to sum up, I'm not particularily motivated by what HRT can give.
     
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  9. Hugh

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    Be bold and be who you want! Today I'm a girl. Tomorrow, maybe not. Consistency is not my strength.
     
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  10. Mihael

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    Thanks for support everyone, now I feel better prepared for what is awaiting if I come out at university.