It was my first proper gay relationship, we were together just over 8 months, and broke up 8 weeks ago. It was a passionate/stormy relationship, but I am still deeply in love with her. Every fibre in my being is trying desperately not to contact her, but it is driving me insane. I miss her terribly, and right now I just want her back. In the period running up to the break up, I was undergoing a huge amount of stress relating to leaving my career, working as a temp and applying for jobs. In addition, I was having a real struggle in relation to my parents, and there was a lot of strain between me and them. She herself had her own reasons to be feelings to be stressed (which are private to her - and perfectly justifiable to be stressed out about). Now - I have found my niche in a new job I love and am naturally good at. I actually love getting up to go to work. Relationship with parents has stabilised- still not great, but have reached a quiet standstill. I am at peace for now with how things are with them. I've moved into a flat where I can have my own space and come and go as I please. We were living together owing to my own financial difficulties - and I think we both towards the end felt very trapped. We had moved in together when really we weren't ready. We stopped communicating, and we became emotionally distanced. I resented not having any autonomy or power in the flat. Throughout that whole time I felt pretty powerless, largely due to being in a situation where I was financially dependent on my girlfriend and painfully estranged from my family. Now so many things for me have changed, there is a part of me that thinks that maybe, just maybe things might work again. But I don't know whether I am fooling myself. I ended it, as I was miserable, so she might not be that receptive to me contacting her again out of the blue. But I know that I love her desperately; I know that it is not simply a matter of being lonely. I miss her smell, the way she moves, her company, our many interesting chats. I just miss her terribly, and nothing is alleviating it.