I was planning to tell my kids tonight, but thought it might wait until next weekend just because I was running out of time... Then I had the sudden urge to just get it over with immediately even though my partner was on a video call. I interrupted him briefly to see if he was ok with that and he encouraged me to go for it with a smile of support. Then I called a trusted mentor to let her know what I was about to do in case she would advise me to wait... but she encouraged me to do it and I JUST TOLD MY KIDS!!! My 18 year old son, 16 year old daughter’s boyfriend (who’s visiting & is like family), and my 13 year old son paused their video game and I asked my 16 year old daughter to come into the living room (she didn’t have time but I said “it’s important” and the boyfriend got nervous lol). She came out & I just said it simply and concisely. I got my nervousness out laughing a little and told them how weird this is, and that I realized I’m a lesbian so they’d see some changes including that my partner who I’ve been with for the last 5 years and lives with the last year would be moving out. I told them we still love each other so it’s hard, but that he’s known about this for awhile now & he’ll still visit for holidays and things (eventually), and that there’s no rush to have him move. My daughter called me over and whispered asking me when he’d be moving - so I explained the details that assured them there was no urgency. Maybe in a month or two or even more. I told them to ask if they had any other questions or anything but that that was all I wanted to say and I went back to my room when they all looked satisfied. The boys looked surprised but supportive and all immediately went back to playing video games. My (tough, tattoo-artist, crying-is-weak, “strictly dickly”) daughter waited a minute then came to my room and gave me a big hug with teary eyes and a smile. Whew. That felt really big. (For me anyway.. for them it was no big deal!)
Whoops... meant to post that in the Later in Life forum but maybe it’ll help someone looking for advice in coming out. What worked for me was keeping it short and to the point, saying it as a statement of fact and it prefacing or following it up with explanations or disclaimers. We do not apologize for who we are! Love to all of you out there. ❤️
Thank you soo much for your post. I'm thinking to come out to my 16 year old son this week and have been putting it off for awhile for fear of his reaction and not knowing how to even begin the conversation! Your post has helped. x
@KB1 I'm so glad it helped! I had a brief follow up with my daughter who seemed really concerned about it being genetic. I let her know: a) it's not scientifically shown to be genetic yet, but that it can look that way since it's common to have some same-sex feelings and people often feel more comfortable coming out when they see the fam is already supportive. b) It's ok if you realize you have attraction to girls at any point too - women are just objectively beautiful. It doesn't mean you're gay or even bi but of course there wouldn't e ANY problem with that. And you never have to do anything you don't want to. (I think she was maybe worried that if she thought a girl was hot, she might have to break up with her boyfriend.) c) if you have any worries or questions at ALL to talk to me! (we're already close.) I'm the same mom. I assured her that I'm still going to be taking care of her as I always have, that my partner will still have her back if she needs him, and that I have ZERO plans to date anyone PERIOD, so I'm hoping I'll be able to be there for her even more. I also had a longer chance to talk to my 13 year old son (as I dropped him off to his dad's) and he (at least so far) didn't have any thoughts or questions, but I just told him about what it was like when my stepdad came out to me in high school, and how hard it was on my mom, and how different this is to that situation, as my mom was very hurt (understandably) and scared, and they didn't split amicably at the time, but over time became close again. This is all already amicable for my partner and I, and we're not moving or anything else, so it should really be very little noticeable change on their part. I feel like it was helpful to them for me to come out and live more fully & truthfully - not only so they can see that example, but to start them questioning why they make their own decisions (since so many of mine were made due to social conditioning and trauma response). And of course it can be fun to point out that it's a good thing we figured this out AFTER they were born!
Hi, Again, thank you . I feel as though I've lived my life up until two years ago by what was expected of me both socially and by my parents, people pleasing and keeping everyone else happy. I'm now nearly 50 and finally figuring a few things out! (Never too late! ) I don't want my son to live like this, although I think and hope times have changed alot. I feel I need to lead by example also, by being honest and true to myself and him. I was married for 15 years, we seperated two years ago. He was angry, hurt and upset and the 1st year was tough but he has now accepted that out marriage wasn't good (except for having our son) and has accepted me for who I am. We now have an amicable relationship. My situation is slightly different as I am in a relationship and to complicate matters it is my sons friends mum. Her son knows and has accepted (phew!). I want to assure my son we are being very discreet and will continue to be, nothing will change for him, without going into too much detail when I talk to him. We have both only told a few close friends, all of which have been happy for us and its felt like a huge relief when I've finally been honest with them. So now to build up the courage and talk to my son..... and then my parents!!
Congratulations! I remember coming out to my 18 year old son. It was easier for me I guess because he’s gay. It was a surreal moment though,
