I have not been on the site in a while, but I am still here. There is a lot going on for me. I decided to go on antidepressants and am, was, planning on starting today. But what time of the day is a good time to take it? There is yet another turn over at mental health so I haven't gone to a therapy session in almost a month. There are two major issues I am facing right now that I need support with. The first one is dealing with the murder earlier this year. I recorded the confession and was able to remain calm thanks to God for providing me with the strength. I still get scared when ever something happens. I still get angry. Not a day goes by that I think about it. I am scared something will happen to me or my family. The second one is the loneliness I feel. I am married with children. The relationship with my husband is fine. But there seems to be a piece of me missing. I long for a female companion. Someone I can feel safe with. There is this person that caught my eye, and she has a beautiful smile. But I am keeping my distance, and not do anything. I am frustrated that I feel stuck. My husband is understanding and supports me if I do decide to do anything. My mind is messed up, and it is not fair for my husband or my kids to have to deal with my moods. My memory is not the greatest. Sometimes I mix up words or use a word that is totally unrelated. I get overwhelmed easily and am afraid to be seen as weak. I am hoping the pills will help me be myself again. I can't go on being stuck like this, I am not happy.
I’m sorry you are struggling. I hope you are able to see a therapist soon. You likely have PTSD, and the good news (according to what my therapist girlfriend has said), is that there are effective treatments for people who are traumatized by a specific occurrence like this. Be sure to see someone who has training in helping people through trauma. Hang in there. You’ve been through a lot.
When things seem dim and life is hard to deal with, that is where friends are needed most. If few friends are really there for you then dig deep and hold strong and look for friends who are there. Love is the answer to most things. I am sending love to you.
As for the meds, depending on the type, some recommend taking at a certain time of day so you really need to read the small print on the package.
Thank you for your support. I went to the therapist who will be here for 2 months, and it went well. We have a busy month ahead. My body is adjusting well to the medication, and I am content.
