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Journey of masculinity

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Resistant, Oct 19, 2017.

  1. Resistant

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    Hi, I'm a female lacking traditional gender identity. Ever since I remember myself I prefered masculine stuff. Society and family around would passionately attempt to kick this out of me by various punishments to make me just another normal girly girl/lady.

    The more they pushed feminine stuff unto me by force the more I backfired and began rejecting feminine traits further eventually. I want to be as masculine as possible. But not with sex change, hormones or to attract women. No, thats their black and white idea. Being a female of my kind feels very lonely, especially on my masculinity journey. If there is anyone interested to try to join me to uncover the long forbidden masculine wisdom for the females which has been reserved for males is welcome. Whether you're trans, before surgery, after surgery, just a butch or confused. I would love more good heads!

    (I also welcome trans women who by origin were born males to tell me what their surroundings expected from them)
     
    #1 Resistant, Oct 19, 2017
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2017
  2. stoutdriver79

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    The social expectations of gender are definitely strong around the world. No matter where you are from, boys should act like boys and girls should act like girls right? Fortunately for the enlightened among us, we know that gender and sexuality isn't so simple. It took me some time to realize that I am most likely gender fluid. Being born male at birth, and living my daily life as a guy, choosing to dress and act more feminine away from work, and only at home or social settings with friends that I realize that these gender norms, as they say, are really just bs. I should further explain that with my gender fluidity, I experience phantom sensations of a female chest, I don't know why I feel them, but my therapist agrees that wearing my breast forms helps with my discomfort with that. At the same time, I have read posts here about those who are transmasculine experience the sensation of having a penis. Do you feel any of these sensations?

    Now that that is out of the way, the male insight that I have had is my own experience, and I hope it helps you with your journey.

    In my experience guys are expected to be mechanically inclined, if you can't at least change a flat, you're less masculine. How you walk and carry yourself should exude some sort of confidence in yourself. If you have more specific questions, I will be happy to expand on some of these ideas.

    If you want to be more masculine and you have a stereotypical idea of how to be masculine, you're probably exaggerating a bit. I have a very good friend who is transmasculine and is shaped quite feminine, unfortunately for him, but he asks me questions all the time about how to handle certain situations.

    It is so difficult for anyone to determine their sense of self, being cis, transgender, or gay. I hope we can help you.
     
  3. Resistant

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    Hey, thanks for the reply!

    First of all I am not trans or homosexual. I am simply a rebellious very masculine female who wants to be as more masculine as possible but I lack the doctrine as I was expected and pushed to be the total opposite. My idea of musculinity is character and some exterior parts which are masculine such as swole muscles, but not male sexual features like penis, beard etc. Basically my idea of masculinity is that one doesn't need a dick and should not depend on having a dick for it. (Or why there are still born males who want to be women and vice versa?) It's just a way of life determined by your inner nature. So yea my idea of masculinity isn't fully stereotypical but stereotypes are good place to research as they are basic clues.

    Honestly, I don't feel like I need a penis or whatever. It just makes even more interesting challenge and being masculine is not about seeking comfort but an endless running through a gauntlet while dealing with it properly. I don't wanna change my sex for social comfort, it never was my idea. Funnily it's the bigots themselves with their attitude "you can't be that, you either be a man or a woman, either be feminine or change sex", or "go for girls cuz no man would ever want such a woman"(i call this bs).

    Part of my drive to become as masculine as possible is rebellion againt the malicious tyranny who abused me whole life because of "muh precious gender roles" . I don't ever wanna feel like I let them win. I change sex - they win, I become womanly - they win, I become gay - they win. It was always their idea in my case, they want that pattern to fulfil itself so they can get satisfaction but no. I learned to embrace it, going against an army by standing for myself is very masculine. The more they forbid me the more I want it.

    Hahaha the irony, by attempting to make me more feminine they did the opposite. Made me allergic to big most of stereotypically feminine stuff. All the suffering they inflicted on me will be used to forge me into someone powerful, that's indeed part of the journey.

    Thank you for the info of what society expects from males, I would like to know more.
    What doctrine the young boy starts to get in order to grow a man at your area?
    Did you have a mentor as a child on manhood? What mom and dad pushed you for?
    How were you expected to view females even as adult? Were you expected to dominate a female? To chose specific female with specific traits and discard the other?
     
  4. AlexJames

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    Maybe your gender non conforming? I hear that's a thing but idk much about it. I say, though, fuck gender stereotypes. I think they've been taken so far that they're probably damaging to kids at this point. Do what you want and fuck what everyone else says, cause at the end of the day you're the one that needs to be happy with your own lifea nd how you've lived it. I was like that as a kid too - hated dresses, pink, princesses, etc. My mom would not budge on dresses and long hair but she indulged my interest in art, animals, dinosaurs, and space and playing outside. I'm only now starting to explore and figure myself out, its a journey for sure. Very confusing.
     
    #4 AlexJames, Oct 19, 2017
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  5. Lexa

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    What's feminine and masculine depends on where and when you live. I consider myself definitely feminine but not everyone agrees.
     
  6. Resistant

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    Then you are welcome to hop on the train of the forbidden journey.
    Btw id say im anti conforming mostly!
     
    #6 Resistant, Oct 19, 2017
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  7. Resistant

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    I use universal terms. Sure they change a bit from culture to culture but some stuff stay the same.
     
  8. stoutdriver79

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    As a young boy, I grew up with two older sister, two older brothers and a younger sister.

    My father is a very masculine kind of guy, sees women as servants to take care of him and his needs, housework, etc. It is no wonder that he is 62 and single again. My parents divorced when I was 11 and I am 38 now. I was raised mostly by my mother and my stepfather, my father was around to do the get good grades or else kind of things. My relationship with my father is still kind of awkward for me these days, not sure exactly why.

    My mother always told me to treat women with respect, but personally I women are people, and thus treating people with respect is how I go about things. There is an old saying that you can tell a lot about how a man will treat a woman by the way he treats his mother, and I think I do live by that.

    I was never expected to dominate anyone, I don't even expect that from myself. Even when I was intimate with women, some did want that from me and I had a difficult time doing that because I felt that it was wrong to treat women like something to dominate. I was never told to go after specific women based on how they look, or how smart they are, I formed these preferences on my own.

    Do you feel that people perceive you as masculine rather than feminine? Do you even want that perception?
     
  9. Resistant

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    There are stereotypes attached to masculinity which I don't like either. I don't like the black and white extremist bigoted types of masculinity and femininity. Funnily those men who often seek to demand submissiom from all women often arent much masculine, some are total irony. I mean its fine if a guy finds willing submissive girl but when he comes to one who isnt and starts to demand.. thats just lame, shows despair which isnt masculine.

    What else is masculine about your father besides how he sees women?
    His job? His physicque? His manners? Talking? Body language? Skills? Social circle?
    Is he someone who believes that once a mans wife gets older and less good looking then leaving her for young one is better? Does he dig for women far younger than him? Does he often use excuse "I'ma man!"?

    About the man respecting women by how he respects his mother.. I dont completely agree. Some mothers still expect their boys to become player machos who disrespect women but respect mommy. Maybe those moms think its for their owm good. The crazy oldschool ones for sure. Where I live, we have alot of those, I live in very bigoted country... can be exhausting.

    Yea some women just want big vigorous scrubby hairy men to dominate the crap out of them. If I would be the girl society wanted me to be I'd look for stereotypical dominant man I guess.

    How l'm being perceived.. hmm... lets say society trolls me. When it comes to show me liking and see me as a human - im too masculine, a monster. But when it comes to generalized bad stuff about females... suddenly I'ma princess fairy!