Thank you, Beth, your support is greatly appreciated. Sadly I don't have any friends I could come out to. I have a strange relationship to female clothes, on the one hand it feels good to wear them, because they express my inner self, but unfortunately, they also underline all the bits that I'm missing, thus worsening the dysphoria. I will definitely ask my therapist to call me by my female name when I see her, I bet it will be an interesting mix of emotions, a bittersweet rush of joy. I get little hints of it now and then, as I've privately begun to refer to myself with my female name, and it always elicits a little spark of joy in me to hear it. The fact that I get such a response is what has made this whole thing "real" to me, and why I felt so bad last night. Sleep deprived, tired, I watched the thing I had denied for so long ring true, and suddenly I was faced with the enormity of the task ahead of me. The rocky road I'd have to traverse, the family members I might lose along the way. It's been an interesting roller-coaster for sure.