I've made a huge mistake...I just don't know what to do

I'm sorry for being late to the conversation! I caught up though and I'm sorry for your situation :-( I agree 110% with anon though. You aren't responsible for his actions and this isn't worth continuing if you're not 100% on the relationship. Continuing with " the feelings you do have" isn't healthy for you. It looks like you just have to gather courage and rip that band aid off before it does more harm than good. It's not going to be easy but it has to be done. Neither of you deserve to be subjected to this kind of emotional baggage. In the end hopefully he'll remain friends with you buy he also has to realize that he needs to consider your happiness in this when he considers this relationship. I really don't believe that either of you deserve to be in only a half committed relationship. I hope everything works out for you and I apologize for being blunt. I hope you also find what makes you happy too!!

(*hug*)

 

I'm sorry, I'm gonna be blunt please don't hate me for it, you like women, by your own admission you feel no attraction to him anymore except a platonic love. Why on earth would you give up the possibility of finding someone you can really live and care for every which way just because it is hard on someone else. Well it be difficult to find your soul mate, yes, but so is everything in life that is worth having.

Can't you see that I'd you continue to deny yourself you will only be miserable. You will be distraught yet subjecting yourself to complacency. You have to rip the band aid off. It will hurt at first, him more than you, but don't you love him? Don't you think he deserves true happiness? By your own admission you are not sexually attracted to him. That is a huge part of love, doesn't he deserve that?

Don't you deserve that?It's time to be happy, life is too short to be anything else.

---------- Post added 17th Apr 2014 at 03:41 PM ----------

There is nothing messed up about you. As humans we are programmed to doubt. Without question yourself no progress would ever be made.

 

Have you ever had romantic love? There is a huge difference. It is earth shaking, it makes you feel as though you can rearrange the universe, like you would go to the ends of the earth for them, like nothing could keep you apart, not the heavens themselves.

I would hate for you to miss out on it just cause you think platonic love is enough

 

Because by your own admission you feel no sexual attraction towards him, that is a big part of love, it's all about the little things as well. All of those little things he does that are different, how do they make you feel? I don't know him but does anything he does differently make you just smile and feel all warm and fuzzy inside? That is love. Well part of it anyways, look for the things that make you think you can't live without him.

 

But you can't figure out if you're bi or not if you're in a half committed relationship. You can't accept yourself until you're by yourself, if that makes sense. Putting yourself and this guy through this relationship is just an all around bad idea. I'm sorry for being blunt but right now you're just not ready to be in a relationship. No, you're not a "really messed up person." You're a human trying to figure out their place in the world and how to make themselves happy. I'm doing the same thing. I'd LOVE to be in a relationship right now but I'd be a fool to enter into one because I just don't know what I want. You're in the same boat by the sounds of it. If this guy really and truly cares for you he will listen to you put it all out on the table and at the end of it all say that he still cares for you, still remain your friends but understands you have to put this relationship on the backburner until you figure your own stuff out.

Again, sorry if it sounds blunt but there's just no way I see you being in a relationship healthy. You have to figure this stuff out and we'll of course be here for you on this board when all is said and done. I hope everything turns out good for you! (*hug*)

 

Which is exactly why I said you need to be alone, just til you can come to terms with your sexuality, which after this conversation might be soon, might not, but that's your journey. Just don't put yourself through a listless relationship because you are afraid.

 

Attraction is a big part of any relationship. From what you are saying of him, you think of him as a close friend. And maybe after the break-up and some distance, you stay friends. Staying in this relationship won't benefit you or him. He will always be aware you aren't fully into him for some reason. And you will always feel dissatisfied.

To me, crying has a limit. If he keeps crying and begging then in my mind - that's emotional blackmail. He needs to accept that this is going to end. Having him wait, knowing something is going to end the relationship is in my mind, a little cruel to be honest. You should just tell him, even if he says he doesn't want to hear it.

At the end of the day the longer you stay with him, the longer it is until you both recover and move on. You will both find happiness, just not with each other.

It sucks that your first bf was unstable and turned to all of that, but even so that's not your fault. Talk to his friends and tell them you're worried, but that's all you can do. What he does after you end it is not your responsibility. It's not your job to live your life making others happy. It's YOUR life afterall, not theirs.

 

You've got to learn to put yourself first, it was hard for me to learn how to as well, I always want everyone else to be happy before worrying about my own happiness. Take it from me if you don't make yourself happy first you will never be able to be happy.

 

It basically comes down to making yourself believe that you matter, you've got to know that you are the most important person in your life.

 

Of course it is!

But what you have to realize is that unless you can make YOU happy then you can't make anyone else happy. You have to work on you and then find a balance between making yourself and your significant other happy. I only JUST started learning this lesson and always tried to live up to other's expectations of me, their image of what I should be. I was miserable. Now? I'm 100% happier just because I'm making ME happy.

I suggest doing the same. You can't do that from where you currently are in a relationship that only one of you are fully invested in. It's not fair to either of you. Work on yourself, know beyond a shadow of a doubt who you are and stand up for yourself. You'll find someone that will be your perfect match and respect you for it as well