I've got it sooooo bad! Make it stop!

I'd better change my avatar too, because it's a little uncanny.

Then again, just reading the first paragraph of the story, it's recognizable! But hey, if she's searching the internet for info on coming out late and life and happens to find this place, I guess that means I win!

 

That's great zumbaqueen. Moving slowly is good! At least you can enjoy the validation of your feelings being reciprocated.

Yep, in my case, we shall see. I'm trying to be really brave and not run away from something just because of possible future pain. I will surely learn a ton from this experience no matter what does or doesn't happen. I want this person in my life at any cost right now. So I'm just going to keep on going. Thank you!

 

We spent half an hour together talking this morning. Seeing her gives me life, I swear! Better than any drug! I feel like Leo DiCaprio in Titanic when he screams, "I'm king of the world!" Because damn, Kate Winslet, OMG. Okay, it's too much right? I gotta tone this shit way down! I'm hopeless.

At one point, we were talking about getting the kids ready for school in the morning, and I was saying I don't know how she does it with two because I just have one and often get impatient and lose it while trying to get him out the door.

She said, "I can't honestly picture you losing it. Every time I see you, you are just so cool... exuding calmness and patience." HAHAHA! I almost spit out my coffee. So much for my fear that she can see through me to the total volcano that's always about to erupt. I told her that she might be disappointed if she ever saw me in my "native habitat". That made her laugh.

Honestly, she should have seen me on Saturday night after I walked her to her dinner party. I was such a wreck I showed up at my brother's place unannounced, and lied down on his floor with my heart pounding out of my chest, and demanded alcohol and cigarettes IMMEDIATELY! Haha!

 

Guys! She just strolled past my building with her dog at the precise moment I happened to look out my window. I never look out my window. She was totally doing what I did the other night. No other reason to walk on my block. Haha!!!

 

Hee hee... I felt frozen in place. I was kind of willing her to look up at the window, but she doesn't know what floor I live on. By the time I would have gotten it together to run downstairs and make it outside, she would have been halfway down the block. But yes, it was EPIC.

 

Lots more deep conversations and cuteness with the kids over the last couple of days. V said the little one asked her if I would please move into their apartment and live with them forever. I almost choked to death. I said that was really flattering. ?!

Tonight is the first night since we became friends that our kids are all with their dads at the same time. I texted V last night to say I'd like to see her this evening if she was game. She texted me this morning to ask me if I wanted to go to the movies to see "The Big Sick" which is some kind of romantic comedy. So that's the plan. YIKES.

You know I fret soooooo much about this when I'm alone, brooding. But then when I see her, it feels so easy and comfortable, and I'm so happy in her presence. We spent hours together yesterday because the kids had lots of activities at school for kindergarten graduation. Being together all day just felt so natural. I have no idea what I'm going to say or do, but the relationship has developed this really easy flow. I think if a romance is possible, it will just happen without having to make any big dramatic declarations. To be continued.