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I've got it sooooo bad! Make it stop!

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by RJay, Jun 18, 2017.

  1. RJay

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    WTF do I do? Text her that I hope she had a good day? We haven't gone a full day without checking in six weeks!
     
    #461 RJay, Jul 28, 2017
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2017
  2. RJay

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    F it. I'm texting.
     
  3. RJay

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    She answered instantly.
     

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  4. RJay

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    Much less chatty than usual for her. I definitely feel something has changed.
     

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  5. Lucky in Life

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    There she is! Many years ago, a friend once told me not to 'awfulize" - basically, not to expect the worst out of a given situation - he was talking about work, but it really applies to relationships as well. It sounds as if that's what you've been doing today, beating up on yourself in the process, and the experiences you had with your husband and that music teacher were very painful. But V is a sweet, caring person - none of us can know if she's falling for you at this point - but it's pretty clear that she's not one to just blow you off - again, both of you have really laid a solid foundation for, at the least, a wonderful friendship.
     
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  6. Really

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    She could be having her own crappy day, separate from anything having to do with you. It's normal not to want to talk about every little thing we're gong through until we're feeling better about it.
     
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  7. Orchidea123

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    RJay, sleep on it. New day brings new perspective, time will tell, no rush. Focus on your beautiful witty son and really get things going outside of all this. Meet up with a friend, heck even your awesome brother!
    Not many people studying piano get to where you've gotten yourself professionally. Alas part of that journey was an extremely immature or even sick person in teaching position, unfortunately.

    Sleep on it, it is all fine.
     
  8. Lucky in Life

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    I was writing up my post above when you shared that second text. V just may be really, really tired tonight, and she'll be back to her usual chatty self tomorrow. Hope you can get some rest tonight. This has been a tough day, but as Scarlet said, "After all, tomorrow is another day!"
     
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  9. RJay

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    Thanks, guys. I will try to shake it. She just wrote, "Thanks. You too!" It's incredible how much I am reading into her comparative lack of communication today.

    Haha about Scarlett O'Hara... my biggest celebrity crush ever was Vivien Leigh. No one can compare -- not even V, I think.
     
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  10. silverhalo

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    Hey RJay I hope you are feeling better.

    Scrutinising text messages is I am sure something only we women do and that's straight women as well as gay ones. As the others have said she is probably just really really tired.
    I know it is tough but and I love the phrase lucky in life used to awfulise. If anything is going to send someone packing or put them off it would be that rather than you as a person. Not that I am saying V is going to send you packing but you have to have a littlest bit of faith in yourself and in her and after the incident with the piano teacher I get why you struggle with that but you have to try. I totally get it's hard because it's something I struggle with but you have to find a way to get yourself through it. Coming on here and sharing your concerns isn't a great one because people can give you their opinion which is most likely to be breath RJay breath.
    Nobody can know where things will end up with V but if you are going to end up together she has to love you warts and all and if she doesn't love you then I'm 100% sure that will be because you are a woman rather than any other part of you and that's totally something out of your control.
     
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  11. Moonsparkle

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    So true...it's only us women who spend time psychoanalyzing texts. We're the ones who send screenshots to our friends (Done it!) --with the 'what do you think? what's the meaning? is this weird?' Regular life conversation is so much easier, we read the body language and the tone, the words are out there...then they are gone. Ugh. Texts. A forever record of words staring us in the face ripe for dissecting! Maybe there are some, but I have never known a guy who has given a text more than half a seconds thought.

    On the flip side, us women are blessed (or cursed) with intuition and are better skilled to read emotions in others. Still pretty hard to do through text even for us ...so RJay, I would try not to read too much into this form of communication. Ok, so maybe you sense something is 'off' because her text doesn't seem at her usual baseline. Better though to 'assess' her real life communication tomorrow. This will either confirm or deny your hunch. If she seems to be behaving differently than normal then maybe something is going on. Related or unrelated to you. But at that time you could open a conversation about it.

    Could very well be though that she is acting fully her regular self tomorrow. And you are giving us the update of how you two had a great time at the park with the kids!

    You had a rough night last night, a heavy 'thinking' night. So today make sure to get out there and do something nice for yourself for YOU!
     
  12. RJay

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    Thanks guys. I won't see her this weekend because my kid is with his dad and her kids are with her. And they leave on Tuesday for the month. The idea of me visiting them sounds sort of horrible to me now. I might feign illness or something, we will see.

    I am going out to lunch with a different friend today, so that's something. And maybe the movies with my brother tonight.
     
  13. zumbaqueen

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    Keep yourself busy RJay.
     
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  14. silverhalo

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    Why does the sound of visiting them sound horrible?
     
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  15. RJay

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    Because I'm afraid I won't get out of there without having "the conversation".
     
  16. zumbaqueen

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    Do you think your just at the point where you need to have a conversation about it or are you afraid she will bring it up. I just ask because V seems pretty passive in everything that is happening.
     
  17. RJay

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    I just don't see myself keeping this up any longer. I'll either keep doing "stuff" that will force the issue, or I'll have to say something. Therapy on Tuesday might help me formulate a clear plan.

    I don't think she will bring it up.
     
    #477 RJay, Jul 29, 2017
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2017
  18. silverhalo

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    Well I think that if you feel you need to have the conversation then that's not the end of the world.

    Ok I'm going to make a suggestion and feel free to tell me if you think I'm off course.

    I think you are winding yourself up about her going away and then potentially you visiting her and whether or not you might have the conversation. I think you are so fearful about her running away and her potential reaction that you are almost self sabotaging the situation. I'm not sure it's a conscious thing, but I think in your mind it's like you are almost looking for something to be going wrong so that you can almost protect yourself form it a bit.
     
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  19. zumbaqueen

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    I know for me I get to a point where I feel like I can't function anymore until I resolve something one way or another and sometimes it's toon soon to ask that of the other person. That is something I have been working on in therapy. Try to let something be, just for a little while and see how it works out on its own.
     
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  20. RJay

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    I think that is a very astute observation and probably has a lot of truth to it.

    Yes, that's along the lines of what my therapist was most recently recommending too. Likely wise counsel.

    V's texts are more verbose again today, and she wants us to have a goodbye dinner with the kids before they leave. I guess everything is OK.