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I've got it sooooo bad! Make it stop!

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by RJay, Jun 18, 2017.

  1. RJay

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    No you didn't! I asked about it, but I never got a response?

    Thanks so much for your thoughts. You are right of course... I mean, MOST relationships, even the "good ones" don't last forever. I know that intellectually. It's just so hard right now to not be COMPLETELY FIXATED on this one person. She's just everything to me right now, and I can't shake it even a little bit.
     
  2. RJay

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    The fact that I've only had the one, very bad experience doesn't help at all. Remember, my ex was my first and only boyfriend. Meet him at age 24 had never even kissed anyone else my whole life. And V knows that. Probably V is thinking along those lines... "Poor Rjay has only had the one relationship experience with her awful ex. And even he didn't touch her since more than six years ago. She must be so lonely, so ready to have love in her life for the FIRST time. It's too bad she fell for me, but she'll be alright once she meets a nice gay woman." WHAT A DISASTER!
     
  3. LostInDaydreams

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    My experience level is exactly the same as yours, except I met my partner at 21, so I've really got no idea what I'm talking about.

    Having said that, if she was thinking along those lines, wouldn't it be more sensible (and possibly better for you in the long-term) to encourage you to get out there and find 'a nice gay woman'?

    I can't imagine a completely straight woman just going along with the hair stroking, neck kissing, etc., but I might be completely wrong.

    Has she asked you whether you're looking for anyone or dating?
     
    #423 LostInDaydreams, Jul 28, 2017
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2017
  4. RJay

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    We had one conversation three weeks ago in which she told me she doesn't think a man could meet her emotional needs but she does have physical desires so is thinking about just doing casual hookups while counting on her women friends for emotional support. But she admitted that the casual hooking up only "worked" for her when she was drinking a lot, and there was a lot of shame and regret associated with that time of her life. She doesn't think she can do it sober. ???? I told her that I have needs/urges too, but that I'm really having a hard time picturing myself getting out there and meeting women in the gay community. I told her I feel stuck and paralyzed.

    I also told her that my therapist thinks casual dating/hookups are not in the cards for me because it's not in my nature. And I shared that my therapist thinks women in general are not wired for that behavior and that there are always emotional repercussions to sleeping with someone they don't have a commitment with. She told me that actually sounds right, so she really doesn't know what the hell she's going to do. She said she should be in therapy too.

    We sort of left it there... that we both have physical/emotional needs but aren't really sure what the hell to do about it. We are both stuck. It hasn't come up again. In the meantime, as you know, things have gotten more intense between us and she hasn't put distance between us despite all my strange behavior. I just don't imagine she can "go there" with me. She probably senses what is happening on my end and is just flattered or something. But it's terribly ambiguous.
     
  5. silverhalo

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    Hey you might not believe it but I also have very little experience. My girlfriend is the one and only person I have ever dated or kissed. Fine I might have got the gender right first time but you can't enter any relationship assuming it's going to come crashing down because if you do enevitably that is what happens. I'm not saying I was never nervous that when my girlfriend got to know me she would realise I was a doofus of course I was but actually you need someone who is going to fall in love with your inner doofus because you are who you are. I nearly fell off my chair when she said she wanted to meet me. Never say never to happily ever after because I am still living mine and I'm not planning it to end any time soon.
     
  6. silverhalo

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    Hahaha you know where I'm going to say this is heading right hahahaha I don't think I even need to write the words
     
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  7. RJay

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    Thanks for that! So sweet!
     
  8. RJay

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    I know it sounds on the surface like there is only one solution to both of our problems in this area. Like surely she must have considered that if casual hookups with men aren't the right way to go AND men can't meet her emotional needs, there is only ONE logical alternative??? She might not be there fully yet, but surely it must be something that has occurred to her?
     
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  9. silverhalo

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    Even if she hasn't considered it for a long term solution and not that I'm saying this is the idea scenario but have a couple of glasses of wine and tell her you could both help each other with your needs hahaha
     
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  10. zumbaqueen

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    Your right, I don't believe it. How did you get so insightful? Lol
     
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  11. silverhalo

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    I have no idea, fake it till you make it.
     
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  12. RJay

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    :astonished:
     
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  13. RJay

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    OMG, total radio silence from V today. I guess I finally screwed up. I'm panic-stricken.
     
  14. Really

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    Breathe. There are a thousand reasons you might not have heard from her.
    . She's busy.
    . Her kid has hidden her phone.
    . She's helping someone with something.
    . She's giving you a break from her.
    . She's on hold with some help desk/repair service.
    . She had an appointment but she's had to wait hours to actually get in.
    . Her day has been hectic and now she's having a nap.
    Be cool. It's not time to panic.
     
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  15. RJay

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    UGH. I can't with this...
     
  16. zumbaqueen

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    Right there with you RJay. I know it's hard but try to find something to do to get your mind off of her.
     
  17. silverhalo

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    Ok RJay, take a deep breath. How long has it been and how many messages have you sent her?
     
  18. RJay

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    It's been since bedtime last night. It's 6pm. I sent her a photo of my kid around 1pm on an outing we were on.
     
  19. silverhalo

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    Ok and what is she doing today any idea?

    How did things end last night?
     
  20. Lucky in Life

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    Hang in there, Rjay...could be so many reasons unrelated to your friendship why V hasn't contacted you today. In the meanwhile, as the others have said, good to find something to keep busy. Will be thinking of ya!