1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I've got it sooooo bad! Make it stop!

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by RJay, Jun 18, 2017.

  1. silverhalo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    10,698
    Likes Received:
    3,722
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hugs RJay.

    I totally get why seeing your ex at that moment lead to all those emotions. I think you felt desire for him because a part of you was wishing that you had felt for him what you feel for V as that would have been easier.

    I'm not surprised you are finding it hard, it's like you have the best and the worst feelings all at the same time. It's like someone is holding out exactly what you want but right now it is agonisingly close but just out of reach.
     
  2. confused40

    confused40 Guest

    sending you hugs through this journey your on - I know it will all be worth it for you so keep going
     
  3. dirtyshirt84

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2015
    Messages:
    485
    Likes Received:
    271
    Location:
    London
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    *hugs* Rjay

    Hope you are feeling better today.

    I think maybe one of the hardest things about being gay is the potential for falling for someone who is either straight or of ambiguous/undetermined sexuality. We've all been there, well I know I have.

    Although I have a lot of hope that V is not straight! I guess there comes a time where it will feel right to tell her how you feel, for your own sake. I think as someone mentioned before this type of ambiguity can probably only continue for so long.

    I think we all deserve to experience romantic love and to be happy. It will be worth the wait :slight_smile:
     
    confused40 likes this.
  4. Moonsparkle

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2017
    Messages:
    516
    Likes Received:
    681
    Location:
    Northeast US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Ahhh, Beenthere--I'd say that's getting the Zen of it right there too!

    The same currency. Love this, made me think for sure!
     
    RJay and beenthrdonetht like this.
  5. Bouldghirl

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2015
    Messages:
    130
    Likes Received:
    48
    Location:
    Cardiff
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Why have I only just discovered this thread? Count me in as one of the crew on tenterhooks. Rjay - you deserve happiness. I hope you find it.
     
    RJay and Orchidea123 like this.
  6. silverhalo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    10,698
    Likes Received:
    3,722
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It's ok you have found it now, take a seat and relax haha
     
  7. RJay

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2017
    Messages:
    932
    Likes Received:
    1,361
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    This is not a relaxing thread.

    This morning when my son came home, he randomly asked me, "mommy, why do you like V SO MUCH?" HAHA. It's not like I talk about her to him. He just somehow magically gets it. I said, "because she is a very nice person, a great mommy to C and H, and she is very beautiful." He agreed wholeheartedly with my assessment. Then not 10 minutes later we ran into V on the street. I thought he was going to out me. He just ran up to her and said, "hiiiii Veeee!" with a very sly, flirtatious tone, haha. She was so cute with him.
     
    taical and Orchidea123 like this.
  8. silverhalo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    10,698
    Likes Received:
    3,722
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone

    Maybe not for you.

    I think you covered it well, I mean it could have been a whole lot worse hahaha. Bless your son sounds so cute.
     
  9. RJay

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2017
    Messages:
    932
    Likes Received:
    1,361
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    OMG, he really is so cute.
     
  10. Orchidea123

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2015
    Messages:
    481
    Likes Received:
    151
    Location:
    US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Rjay, you are handling this so well.

    Your feelings of a void and thoughts of your marriage - I'm afraid to be there, if I ever quit it due to my orientation.
    You are brave to pave your way!
    We all know - there are downs and few days later if not the next day, you see this from a different angle and its not as bad anymore.
    And sometimes these things turn out to be awesome!

    Long time ago I had a boyfriend and loved him so much that after our breakup I could not sleep in my apt either. Even though I was never open with my parents about personal things, I needed to sleep the night there, with my mom, like a child.
    Needed it for couple days, and it did help more than I expected.

    Not to dismiss the whole orientation part, just being in love and not being able to express your feelings and act upon them can be painful (emotionally and physically).
    Your feelings are ahead of typical second date. It is tough Not to feel as much. That's where the void may be.
    And, Not knowing what the object of your affection (V) is thinking and feeling fuels the fire even more.

    You've got an awesome support team here so my words may contribute a tiny grain of sand here. But it all adds up.
    You know yourself and you read yourself pretty well on what you should be doing, step by step, as it comes.

    You are so lucky to have met V, regardless of an outcome. And who says it has to be finite? This can be a relationship lasting into infinity ( not the suffering part lol)

    It's amazing to have your brother who you are so comfortable with. And, your son who feels his mom so well!

    Hugs of support!
     
    #350 Orchidea123, Jul 23, 2017
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2017
    dreamingfreely and RJay like this.
  11. RJay

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2017
    Messages:
    932
    Likes Received:
    1,361
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Thank you so much.
     
  12. Alaya35

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2017
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    North East
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    When I first found this site (yesterday) yours was the first story I read - all of it!
    I really hope one day, hopefully soon, you can tell Van how you feel about her and I hope she feels the same way too.
    Maybe you will start a beautiful new chapter in your life together xxxx
     
    RJay likes this.
  13. Alaya35

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2017
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    North East
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Oops! V not Van
     
  14. RJay

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2017
    Messages:
    932
    Likes Received:
    1,361
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I am taking such risks. (Well, risks for ME, which are really tame and pitiful, because I'm a chicken, but whatever.) Today, after we talked over her latest divorce-related drama, I hugged V and kissed her on the neck (???) and then held her face in my hands and looked in her eyes for a few moments before saying goodbye. WTF? I'm such an idiot. This was on the playground where our kids were playing. In front of a hundred people. Whatever. As with every time I do something a little too "extra", I walked away sure that it was all over. Surely she would have nothing more to do with me after THAT pathetic display. Tonight she texted me, "what are you up to?" after the kids went to sleep. Like I said, whatever!
    DOES SHE THINK THIS IS NORMAL?!?!?!
    Seriously, like could she really at this point be deluding herself that there isn't a problem here?
    Or perhaps "problem" isn't the right word... a "situation"???

    If she could possibly think that I'm not totally crazy about her, then I just give up on people. I'll stick to the piano, haha.

    She just texted that she hopes I sleep well, and she'll see me in the morning. ???
     
    #354 RJay, Jul 24, 2017
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2017
    taical likes this.
  15. Searching1

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2017
    Messages:
    396
    Likes Received:
    566
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Wow there is no way she doesn't know that something is up! She certainly doesn't seem to mind. It seems like you are only a step away from making the move of kissing her. That would definitely cause a conversation to happen. I smiled reading your update. Gives me butterflies :slight_smile: Good job being brave! It sounds like you're making smooth yet bold steps.
     
  16. Really

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2014
    Messages:
    2,579
    Likes Received:
    753
    Location:
    BC
    Um. FYI. You're dating this woman.
     
  17. leb10

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2017
    Messages:
    223
    Likes Received:
    364
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I may really suck at regular girl friendships but if someone did that to me I would have looked like a cartoon with ??? above my head. Then with the post-event texts? Wtf- she HAS to know you like her. I'm with ya RJay, I'd be freaking the f out too with that thick ambiguity. Hope you guys feel comfortable enough to talk about all of this soon. How much longer until the beach getaway? Do you plan to tell her by then? Maybe she's waiting for that? I don't know. I hope I'm not giving you bad advice with an off read of the situation.
     
    #357 leb10, Jul 24, 2017
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2017
  18. Alaya35

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2017
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    North East
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I honestly think she is just waiting for you to make a proper move! X
     
  19. confused40

    confused40 Guest

    I think she is interested - maybe she didnt realise it before but the more time she spends with you she might feel it now
    If she was not interested in women she would surely say'look your a great girl but thats as far as it goes as im straight as a plank'

     
  20. Moonsparkle

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2017
    Messages:
    516
    Likes Received:
    681
    Location:
    Northeast US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Though throughout this thread I have held fast to the idea that, 'believe me she CAN be clueless. It IS possible she doesn't know you are into her in a more than friend way'---with recent events I need to adjust that line of thinking!

    The face kissing, the hair stroking, the latest neck kiss and face holding-RIGHT, I think she HAS to know that there is more going on! (Plus the fact that she knows you are gay.)

    She's not pushing you away, so at the very LEAST she doesn't mind any of this.

    Just want to throw in a random (non-requested) observation. (***Keeping in mind that I realize you aren't detailing EVERY interaction with her and I may not know whole picture.) But recently you have mentioned a kind of pattern, where she has these 'breakdowns' and you 'save' her-with your reassurance, support, perspective etc. Where you are playing the role of rescuer and she is the 'victim'. Not saying this IS what's going on, just something to be on aware of as a possibility. This coming from a seasoned 'rescuer/fixer' in many of my past relationships!