I've been thinking a lot about some things, as you do in the middle of the night, and I've thought about a lot of things. Of course I'll just post the real stuff, not the stories I come up with and say out loud to myself, just for sanity's sake. So here's some things: Since hair removal is so important to a lot of people, where do you begin? What should be your first priority? Back, face, chest, arms, legs, genitals, underarms, buttocks? Which should really be done first? And I have heard several different opinions on this, but I've never heard of an "official" strategy. I mean, personally, I would probably get my face taken care of first, then my chest, then back, then arms, then underarms, then buttocks, then legs, then genitals. Although that order is subject to change. I've noticed that a lot of people look at people differently when they come out as LGBT or are very open about it right out of the gate. Like, people react differently to LGBT people when they know that their LGBT and when they don't know. It's weird, and very hard to describe. Like, if someone is presenting female and someone else finds out, through whatever means, that that person is trans, they'll see them as a trans girl, and not a girl anymore, if that makes sense. And this can be positive or negative, almost like how people have different reactions to people who fall sick or are a victim of a tragedy. It's weird to explain, but I do notice it. Now with careers, I'm getting tugged in so many possible directions. Like, I'm studying film in an art school, but I'm a Police Explorer and I'm in the hiring process to become a security guard. It's weird. And there's so much that I want to do, its crazy. I can't list everything here, but the big ones are: film, police or park ranger, aerial firefighting, rescue, driving, the list goes on. But it's just like, so hard to decide. I don't really want to choose just one, but it feels like I have to. And film is promising, but then I could become a police cadet if I played my cards right. And I can pursue rescue work at any time, same with driving and stuff. But it's just like, so hard to choose. It's weird. And at the end of the day, I still have the same issues ringing in my head. Biggest thing is wanting to be able to look in the mirror and see a girl standing there, inside and out. And of course I don't have the guts to do anything about it. For God's sake I still feel guilty and scared whenever I refer to myself as a girl in my head. And I just really want to start transitioning, but it's probably not going to happen soon. Also, I printed out the trans flag and the lesbian flag, but I dont know what to do with them. I was going to put them on the outside of my door, but I'm too scared to. I was also going to put them in the window next to bed so that they wouldn't be visible inside (curtains and blinds) and I could still show the flags, but I don't know. It's a thing. I can't have them visible either because I can't risk getting exposed to my parents and whatnot. And despite this school having some of the most liberal people ever waking around, there are still a few dirtbags who are just jerks to everybody who doesn't fit into their "perfect" worlds. There's people like that everywhere, but even though the dirtbags are in the Extreme minority here, I'm still scared of being out because of them and how they act. I'm petrified of real-life griefing. And I've been thinking about how to do things better. Like, get a better schedule, wake up better, what I should be eating, etc etc. It's a thing. This is just stuff that I was contemplating late at night/early in the morning. Weird stuff, especially since it just passes through my mind whenever it feels like it, but it's whatever.
