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It feels so good to tell the truth

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Frankie46, Sep 12, 2020.

  1. Frankie46

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    So today was a good day.

    I met a friend and ‘came out’. It wasn’t pretty, involved no grand statements or style but I was honest. I’m still stuck in this huge closet and I can’t see a way out but it is such a relief to be able to share some of my thoughts with my lovely, lovely friend. When I said I was reluctant to online date, she said WE will just have to go out to meet people in the flesh.
    My faith in humanity is restored and I may actually sleep tonight.
    I wish I could pay it forward and I hope that this post helps somebody else this weekend. Sleep well. Frankie x
     
    out2019, sunflower8, Unsure77 and 7 others like this.
  2. Really

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    Nice! Congrats. :}
     
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  3. quebec

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    Frankie46.....Congratulations on coming out to your friend! ***YAY*** Every time you come out to someone it gets just a little easier. You may not notice it at first, but after a while you'll be able to look back and see your own progress! Your post will help someone else...I am sure of it! :old_smile: Not only that, but by sharing what happened with us here on Empty Closets, you have helped yourself. Again, congrats and keep up the positive vibes. Remember that you are a part of our LGBTQ+ Family and we do care. Please keep us updated on how things go for you!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
  4. LostInDaydreams

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    Congratulations, @Frankie46. :slight_smile: Pleased it went so well.
     
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  5. Frankie46

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    Thank you ☺️
     
  6. Tartanskrt

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    Amazing. Well done you and it's awesome your friend was so supportive. You've helped me a little. Still not sure what to say, it doesn't really come up in conversation but hearing someone else did, when they were scared, gives me hope.
     
  7. Frankie46

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    Hi Tartan (guessing you’re north of the border). If I’m honest we went for a walk and I rambled on until the light was fading and I felt a little less exposed. They’ll be no Hollywood blockbuster modelled in my performance. If you fancy a chat as we are not a million miles away just let me know. I don’t know the rules with regards to this but it’s worth the ask. Have a great evening. Frankie x
     
  8. LostInDaydreams

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    I’ll try to help. :slight_smile:

    Here are a couple things about communicating with other members:

    - You will be able to post visitor messages on other members' profiles after you make 10 posts.
    - After at least two weeks and a minimum of 50 posts, you can apply for full-membership on the forum, in order to access private messaging feature (Which is a privilege. As a regular member, you can only send and receive private messages from staff members).

    You can’t share any information that could be used to identify you (e.g. contact information, social media details, etc) in any public areas of the forum, which includes profile posts. You may only share information of this nature via PM, which would require you and the other member to both be full members.

    I hope that gives you the information that you need. If there’s anything else, just ask me or another staff member.
     
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  9. Peterpangirl

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    Congratulations Frankie46! I am so glad your friend is supportive. You took a brave step today and I am so happy that it made you feel good to come out to her and that this was a positive experience for you.
     
    #9 Peterpangirl, Sep 13, 2020
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2020
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  10. Frankie46

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  11. Peterpangirl

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    You are welcome. Enjoy the feeling of being you and being accepted. She sounds like a good friend.
     
  12. Frankie46

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    Hello again. I am lucky to have such a fabulous friend. We met this evening and had a chat (daylight and no disguise kit- distinct progress on that score). She did agree that it was rather problematic if I’m not willing to ‘come out’ publicly to save face for my kids, and that it would be a shit sandwich in the middle of a shit storm if I did. My son is 12 and my daughter is 9 and we live in a very close knit town with single sex schools. I do appreciate her honesty as it’s spot on.
    It was so good to actually talk to somebody as I feel like I’m going slightly mad (cue Queen backing track). My thoughts seem to be stuck in a never ending loop and the only respite I get is to walk with headphones in to distract me.
    My thoughts follow the same path and I never progress any further. I’m not gay - I am gay - I hate being gay - I’ll pretend not to be gay - you know you’re gay so stop hiding- hide it will cause a shit storm for the kids - they’ll get over it - blah blah blah.
    I do feel very sad that I’m wasting good years but feel stuck. Thank god for good friends and anonymous forums.
    Frankie x
     
  13. chicodeoro

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    Congratulations Frankie! So glad it went well - it sounds like you have a good friend there. And when you're coming out a good friend is worth their weight in gold!

    Beth
     
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  14. AimLew

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    This is amazing news Frankie! So glad you were able to come out to at least one person. The feeling is AMAZING isn’t it! It feels like a weight has been lifted!! So pleased for you!

    -Amz
     
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  15. LostInDaydreams

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    @Frankie46 I’m glad that you had another positive meeting with your friend.

    If you are feeling stuck in the same loop of thoughts, then therapy might be a good idea (if you aren’t seeing a therapist already). A good therapist could you help you to untangle your thoughts and work out the best way forward.
     
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  16. Contented

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    Finally telling someone else for the first time that your gay is so incredibly liberating. I was on an emotional high for weeks afterwards. After years of repression to say out loud that I preferred men was such a watershed moment. To once and for all acknowledge that I wanted nothing to do with women sexually or emotionally was so freeing on so many levels. Years of frustration melted away as I shed my pseudo heterosexuality and embraced my homosexuality finally. With the help of an excellent LGBTQ therapist I was then able to start the process of coming out totally and permanently.
     
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  17. Tartanskrt

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    Hi. I'm actually a southerner. It was just that the first time I ever truly realised how I felt about women was when I became somewhat fixated watching a woman I adore in this rather nicely fitted tartan skirt (yes I'm slightly embarrassed now). Don't want to break any rules but yes we are in similar circumstances it would seem. I even walk around looking for answers at night with my headphones blasting too. I don't think there are any easy answers but I do know this. I'm not lieing to myself any more. I know where my heart and my attraction lies and even if I can't work out what to do with it I cannot lie the myself. Yes people will talk if and when i get the guts to come out. I'm pretty well known round here so yeah it'll be gossip gold but actually maybe that's better off out the way while my kids are young. I do think kids have a bit of a different attitude nowadays anyway, not like the 90s when gay was pretty much a swear word.
     
  18. Frankie46

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    Hi Tartan. I’ve just had a giggle at your post(s ) and the similarities in our situation. I am asked about my sexuality a couple of times each year and there isn’t a crew cut or pair of give away doc martins in sight (no offence to doc Martin wearing girls). Knowing that you also pound the pavements with your earphones in will make me look at all of the other earphone wearing dog walkers with suspicion. Maybe there is a link and I’m missing a trick .
    Don’t be embarrassed about the tartan skirt. If there is one glorious upside to being lost in a huge, dark closet, it’s the anonymity of being able to have a quick glance a tartan skirt without anyone being any the wiser. Have a great evening. Frankie x
     
  19. Tartanskrt

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    Alternative plan: cut your hair off and buy some boots, no need to come out, if only it were they simple. I'm glad I made you smile. The closet is a pretty dark place a lot of the time so any little bit of light is worth it.
    I don't even have a dog to walk, I just have a lot of frustration, particularly the last couple of weeks. I now have a 20000 steps a day habit.
    I think in its own little way it's working though. The more time I spend embracing my love of women, if only in my head, the more safe, fulfilled and happy I feel. I've had so many people asking me what I'm doing as I'm glowing. I'm sure they think I'm having lots of sex with my husband but I haven't touched him in months, I can't bring myself to now I've let myself explore my idea of sex on my own terms, in my mind. I can't make myself do what I'm not designed for.
    I will tell someone because I have to, it's an important step in making it real. I'm having a kid free meet up with my sister on Thursday. I know she will love me regardless, she hasn't got a choice. I just need to be brave.
     
  20. Frankie46

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    If the moment feels right, grab the bull by the horns and chat to your sister. Failing that, wait until it gets dark and mumble something about liking women and hope she picks up on it.
    Good luck and let us know how it goes. Got to go, 3 miles from home, the boss has just called and I should be working.
    Frankie x