It does get better.

I signed up to EC when I was 17. I'm 27 now. I was in high school, almost friendless, and been convinced by a very toxic person that I would never be loved in my life.

I was exactly like so many people who use EC now. I was a kid who knew my own sexuality, but was ashamed, and never felt safe to be myself. I finished high school kissless and finished university a virgin. I was totally sure that I had failed, that I was unlovable, that I would never have real friends and that I could never even hope to have a girlfriend. I knew this as much as I knew that two plus two equals four.

Last night, I spent the evening at my favourite bar, with my girlfriend of two years, playing pool, dressed in the masculine kind of clothes that make me feel good. Last week, my best friend of seven years dropped by my place to take me out for ice cream. Last month, I got 100% for my final essay for my masters degree. Last year, I cut my hair short and saw a person in the mirror that I kind of like.

Life hasn't been easy and life isn't perfect. But compared to the life my 17-year-old self lived, it's amazing. And compared to the life I thought I deserved, it's unfathomable.

I knew, I was sure, that I didn't deserve to be loved. But I did deserve love, and I do deserve love, and I am loved.

You do too.

And I know you're probably reading this thinking "well that doesn't apply to me, good things happen to people like OP, but I'm just a fucked-up person and I'm not going to be loved."

I thought the same thing. And I'm saying this specifically to the people who think that they're not good enough, that their lives will never be happy, that they'll never find someone who loves them. You deserve to be happy. And I hope that someday you will be.

This is the last post I'll make on EC, because it's not my home any more. It was for many years. It was where I learned that I could make friends.

Enjoy this place.

 

(Just for a few examples of my mindset when I was younger, here, and here.)