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Issue with friend’s parents

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Naters2000, Feb 12, 2018.

  1. Naters2000

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    Haha, this is the first thread I’ve posted requesting help... well cheers!

    So, a little backstory...
    I met my friend at a music camp two years ago. We hit it off immediately. It’s kind of funny, it’s like we’re the exact same person, except for him being straight. We were really good friends then, and we still are. There is just one problem. His parents seized his phone and read our texts and found out that I’m gay. I know, I was being irresponsible, but it was really nice having a dude to talk to that openly loves you. Initially, his parents couldn’t give two dips over me being gay, but they started getting a warped view of me. They let religion justify their opinions, and soon, they cut off our contact. They wouldn’t let us call or text anymore. Now, we could only see each other for 5 minutes weekly during the break in orchestra rehearsal. During that time, he updated me on what his parents thought of me. Essentially, they thought that I liked him (I didn’t), and I was trying to turn him gay (because that makes so much logical sense). So, the time came around for my birthday party, and I was still trying to grasp the idea that there are some jack-weeds out there that actually hate me. So naturally I decided to test the waters, and give him an invite to see how his parents would react. They shot it down so quickly that I ended up crying. So, this is where the advice comes in: I absolutely love my friend (not in a gay way) and I miss him so much, but there isn’t much I can do to sway his parents, especially considering they’ve been too scared to meet the “leech and social parasite” that enjoies their son’s company. What should I do? How do I treat this? I don’t want to let it go because I feel like I will be failing my friend. I just feel so helpless, like a turtle turned on it’s back. Any advice that you people present to me would be very much appreciated. Thank you so much for taking the time to actually read this.

    P.S. it’s probably good that his parents haven’t met me. I have a pretty feminine voice and it would scare the snot out of them.

    And just for reference, we’re both 14 and in 8th grade, but at separate schools.
     
  2. JoeyCarter

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    Has he tried to persuade them already?
     
  3. Myclosetisfull

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    Knock on their door, announce yourself as the " leech and social parasite ", and request that they at least talk to you and your friend before deciding you can never speak again based on a text message.
     
  4. Naters2000

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    Yep
     
  5. Naters2000

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    Haha good plan. I’m just concerned because of my anxiety.
     
  6. JoeyCarter

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    Okay, did they meet you previously or know if you?
     
  7. Naters2000

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    They’ve never met me. They’re judging someone they’ve never seen.
     
  8. JoeyCarter

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    Have him inform them how you have not caused him any harm whatsoever and being gay isn’t contagious and that you are aware that he is straight and is fine with that. These points coming from him will probably have more of an impact.
     
  9. Naters2000

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    Okay ty. I just don’t want them to be mad at him.
     
  10. wardrobeescaper

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    This I'd exactly what I was thinking, and sing "I am what I am" for extra umpth. Wear pink too! But seriously it sucks when other people do things like this. It's not your fault about the texts
     
  11. Naters2000

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    Yeah, thank you.

    Haha darn, don’t have any pink. I could borrow my friend’s rainbow flag, and I could wear this really gay green and yellow shirt I have :joy:
     
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  12. JoeyCarter

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    If they truly care about their sons wellbeing then they should understand
     
  13. Naters2000

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    That’s true.

    This whole scenario is just really stupid. I mean, why is this happening???
     
  14. JoeyCarter

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    It’s probably because his parents have a biased mindset on the LGBTQ community and haven’t met anyone in this community so they go off of false rumors and judgment
     
  15. Naters2000

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    Yeah, I mean, they are heavily religious. Obviously they haven’t been exposed to many LGBT people, or else they would know that we’re not the spawn of Satin.
     
  16. JoeyCarter

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    If they truly are religious then they should also remember that there is nothing in the Bible against gay marriage but there is information about how the Bible is against adultery and yet they still did that right?
     
  17. Naters2000

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    Yep. Behold the hypocrisy of modern politics and religion. People have twisted the Bible to fit their religious narrative.
     
  18. JoeyCarter

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    Ugh tell me about it, they only show it to put other people down
     
  19. Chip

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    You are dealing with people who are ignorant, fearful, and suspicious. DON'T wear anything gay. Do the opposite and appear as normal and ordinary as you can.

    Talk about common interests in music. Find areas of common ground about spirituality. Openly address the concerns and fears, and validate and accept that you understand them. You could volunteer to go to church with them.

    The point is, these people have had ignorant stuff drummed into them that gay people 'recruit' others, that they are sluts, and all sorts of stuff and they are (rightfully) wanting to ensure their son is safe. And people are fearful of things they don't know or understand.

    If you present yourself as a thoughtful, polite, respectful person who isn't really much different from anyone else they have met, their perception of you should, over time, slowly change. It may take time. It's possible it won't work. But if you do your part, and their son also continues to talk with them, hopefully they can begin to form a different perception, and a different relationship with you.
     
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  20. Naters2000

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    Thank you so very much for the insightful reply!