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Is women's sexuality less defined/more fluent?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by secretstutter, Sep 22, 2016.

  1. secretstutter

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    It seems to me that some women have trouble figuring out their sexual orientation. I don't mean they struggle to accept it - they genuinely don't realize what they feel. Think of all the lesbians that were married and then came out later in life. I honestly think most of them were simply unaware of their attraction towards other women. Whereas gays seem to know they like guys but for whatever reason don't want to come out (we're talking those that had/have wives). Obviously, it doesn't apply to everyone but it appears to be the general trend. And even those women that identify as lesbians often feel unsure because they still feel attracted to men from time to time. And I certainly know this from first-hand experience as I honestly believed I liked guys too (maybe I do to some extent). Plus, my attraction seems to fluctuate depending on where in my menstrual circle I am. I.e I tend to be (slightly to very) attracted to guys when I'm feeling especially horny (on my period and close to ovulation) and pretty much anything could turn me on then.
    Any thoughts on this? Do any other girls get like this too or is it just me?
    Edit: in the title, I meant fluid not fluent.
     
    #1 secretstutter, Sep 22, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2016
  2. iiimee

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    :/ I do think women are in general more fluid than men for whatever reason... I figure it's biological, but it could be social... Idk. o.o Funny thing is though, I tend to like women more when I'm ovulating- probably because I'm trans, idk. :/
     
  3. gravechild

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    I honestly don't think so, but it's more convenient for people to. Men are pushed into one extreme or the other, and unlike women, once you "go gay", there's no turning back. I've also noticed this with genderqueer/non-binary differences in AMAB and AFAB populations.

    At one time, women were thought to be more sexual, to have uncontrollable desires, but now, it's almost the opposite! Same thing regarding same-sex behavior. When "homosexuality" became a thing, men started distancing themselves from one another.

    There's also the shame involved with women's sexuality, women being more touchy feely with one another, arousal being less obvious, etc.
     
  4. secretstutter

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    Yeah, I was thinking this could be a major reason. Sometimes I actually can confuse arousal with other feelings, like admiration. And then there are those times when I think I'm attracted to a guy (celebrities/movie characters - doesn't really happen IRL) but then I realize I'm not; I don't wanna be with[/I ] him, I wanna be him. It can't be only me, right? So yes, I think it is kind of difficult for women to tell when they're genuinely turned on at times. Or maybe rather what it was that turned them on.
     
  5. Creativemind

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    I personally think female fludity is social/cultural and not really biological. At least in my experiences.

    Here is my same reply from another thread:

    Keep in mind that lesbians face compulsory heterosexuality more than gay men do. We are forced to like men and face harsh stigma if we don't. We also live in a society that views women as accessories to men with no sexual independence of our own. The idea that women only have sex to please men is prevalent, and can affect a lesbian's confusion.

    Personally, I've never been fluid. Hardcore kinsey 6 with no exceptions. My menstrual cycle doesn't affect gender, but it does affect sexual attraction. If I'm ovulating, I get more horny and want to fuck girls more, and when I'm not, I have a low sex drive and am almost "asexual" like. However, men never factor into it.
     
    #5 Creativemind, Sep 22, 2016
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  6. purplewolf6

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    I don't believe so though that could be possible. Lesbianism mainly with women considered hot is far more globally accepted than hot men getting intimate with each other. Sucks that society accepts lesbian/bi girls mainly for fetishizing them and can't let gay guys or us bi guys just be. I've actually heard guys say that their girlfriend cheating on them with another girl isn't considered adultery or real sex.
     
  7. Canterpiece

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    I planned a response to this, but it was so long it could make a short novel! So I thought that I might as well post the conclusion and then make a new thread for the rest.

    Some food for thought anyway.
     
    #7 Canterpiece, Sep 23, 2016
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  8. Cinis

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    It is more fluid in a way as it naturally changes through the monthly cycle. Due to hormones a straight women tends to naturally be attracted to very feminine men at one point in her cycle while being attracted to very masculine men at another point. But this happens naturally over the course of a month not years so...who knows?
     
    #8 Cinis, Sep 24, 2016
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  9. Creativemind

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    Even then it wouldn't necessarily mean that women's sexuality is more fluid. Feminine men are still men, so straight women would still be kinsey 0 even with the different preference in men during the cycle.

    Now if the hormone cycle changed preference in gender, that would be a different issue all together. But for most of us, It's not the case. My hormone cycle has never made me like men in any way, but It's made me more sensitive to wanting someone of a particular personality, or It's made me crave sex in a way I didn't really before.

    Something to think about.
     
  10. Canterpiece

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    Since periods keep being mentioned, people may want to look at this thread:

    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anony...n/220696-periods-questioning-anyone-else.html

    Also, here's the thread I was on about before: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/chit-...mpires-commercials-other-random-thoughts.html
     
    #10 Canterpiece, Sep 24, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2016
  11. ForNarnia

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    Men tend to be told that straight is the only option, and if you're not straight, you must be gay. People also believe that bisexual men are just gays in hiding, which is absolute crap, but still. I think because of this, men are more likely to have/want a solid identity, because if they come out, there's no going back.

    (Disclaimer: All opinions come from my own personal experiences within my homophobic town.)

    Women have this confusing description of sexuality passed onto us. You're told that you will have straight sex, and it will hurt.
    You're told that 'lesbians are hot' and 'being bi is sexy'. You're told that if you identify as lesbian or bisexual, you're only doing it because you want attention from men.
    You're told that 'all women have girl crushes', and that women have no sex drive, or not as much of a sex drive as men.
    Basically, we're told that you have to be straight, and it's normal to be uncomfortable being straight, and we are taught that not being straight is lying for attention.
    So when you actually start to think you might be LGBT+, you're already second guessing yourself.
    The amount of times I thought 'am I just faking this so boys will notice me?' or 'is it just because I had a bad breakup?', 'do I just need to find the right man?'.
    It takes a while to get past that.
     
  12. jayanthi

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    I think its social/cultural bcos women are taught to hide their attraction from early age .
     
  13. secretstutter

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    I know exactly what you mean. There are times when I'm convinced that I'm 100% lesbian without a doubt. And then there are times when I start second-guessing myself so much I feel like slamming my head against a wall. Most often I wonder if maybe I haven't met the right guy yet or I'm just not interested in relationships in general. It gets so annoying after a while.
     
  14. hptrek314

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    This post was super helpful to me. I constantly am struggling with what I am, because I've had crushes on guys, and I spent so long thinking I was bisexual, because if I turned out not to be into girls I could just "hop back into the closet". I'm still not out because I still have moments where I struggle, it was until I had sex with a man for the first time back in April that I realized men were gross, but I still have that notion from how I was raised that i'm meant to fall in love and find my "prince charming" and anything otherwise deviates too far from the social norm, and I hate that:confused:
     
  15. Cinis

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    Our English teacher noted today that women tend to be bisexual more often and that they can be "turned" more likely than men since some change to women when they become too frustrated with men.
    I don't really like that argument (the last part that is) since I don't really see women that are fed up with men and start lesbian relationships as necessarily interested in the same sex they just think that the romantic aspect will be easier with a "fellow understanding woman".
    I also don't like it because I personally would not enter such a relationship....it feels kinda like being used.
     
  16. Libra Neko

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    I've found that in my life, I've known more fluid women than men. I know "lesbians" who have loved men and "straight" women who have loved women. I'm very fluid. My sexuality has varied throughout my whole life. There may well be a cultural thing though. Men are indeed taught that they can't be bi. I used to know a bi guy but I think he always identified as bi, there wasn't much fluidity.
     
  17. secretstutter

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    Yep, same goes for me. And I actually believed I was bi or even bi-curious. Right now I identify as a lesbian but no more than a week or two ago, I was still reluctant to drop the bi label for the very same reason as you. But I've always felt the need to go against the social norms, so I can't relate to that last part. Though I imagine it must suck :icon_sad:
     
  18. guitar

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    You might want to check out Simon Levay's Gay, Straight, and the reason why - a book about the science behind sexual orientation. He discusses that several studies confirm that women are much more fluid with regards to their sexuality, men tend to be much more binary.