So.. I think I am going through my first "real" crush since I've started coming out to myself. And I am finding the breadth and depth of the emotions highly overwhelming. A month or two ago, my friend introduced me to this girl, A. She'd wanted us to meet and brought it up a couple of times, and finally revealed to me A is "very bi." So, I eventually ended up hanging out with my friend SC, A, and SC's husband, watching Doctor Who. I was immediately intimidated, because A is, well, totally hot, very fit, and quite confident and intelligent. Let's just say, way out of my league? I enjoyed hanging out with her and when SC asked if I'd be up for it again I told her yes, but things kept coming up, and I didn't see her again until Halloween. Here's where things get complicated. I have two guy friends who met her that night who are also expressing interest. JS is a flirt, and a pretty attractive guy to boot, and he totally started putting the moves on her. This has happened now both times the group of us have hung out. JR out and out told some of us that he likes A, but he has no confidence and saw JS swooping in and was lamenting over that. As for me, at first I was interested, now I'm starting to become, well, fixated. I have a hard time sleeping in the first place, and I find the nights I don't sleep well, I'm thinking about her. I'm stressing about JS having a fling and pushing her away, or otherwise getting into a relationship with her before I can get the nerve to do anything more. A is not only attractive, but has a lot of nerdy interests I share in common with her, so even if things don't work out romantically she is someone I would very much like to develop a friendship with. Anyway, I think about A all the time. I feel like a nerdy school girl with a crush on the hot popular guy (except in this case, it's a hot, popular, nerdy girl). The crushes I've had in the past have been strong, but not like this. The physical component, shall we say, is also entirely new. I'm drowning in emotions, in some ways I'm very glad this happened, because it's confirming for me my feelings that I'm gay. I'm also experiencing so many things that I never felt or understood before. At the same time, I'm utterly stressed and anxious, and having a hard time coping with these feelings. And, I'm hemming and hawing, trying to decide what to do. Friends and my therapist have suggested becoming friends with A first, and that's what I'm attempting for now. Anyway... I needed to get that off my chest. I feel like those of you here in the Later in Life forum may relate to this explosion of emotion, after so many years of dead, dull ones.