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Is this body/gender dysmorphia?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Lchaos44, Aug 11, 2021.

  1. Lchaos44

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    Hi everyone,

    I was born male and identify as male and I’ve been realizing some stuff about myself and questioning for just over the last month or so. I’m not really interested women’s clothing or stuff but I’m no longer sure who I am.

    I don’t know if I have one of the 2 issues mentioned a few moments ago but I certainly seem to have issues relating to both.
    .I have never truly been happy with my body
    .I have always wanted to be more manly than I am
    .consider myself fat and not ugly fairly often and avoided photos much of my life (23+ when I had a similar incident as I am now but am fairly certain I was happy and no issues before then with proof of photos taken before then)
    .love what I see in the mirror and consider myself very good looking most of the time.
    .never hated my genitals (but getting discomfort from my penis now and idk if stress related or not but it’s sore and incredibly difficult to get aroused and mast. With up until the last 5 days or so when I started accepting these thoughts)
    .puberty was no issue for me
    .have been having issues only recently .identifying with my masculinity and being referred to male. Bathrooms and writing it down. Never had these issues until this started.
    .recently having troubles being identified as male Never thought I deserved the title man as I have yet to earn it but certainly mr, sir, buddy, dude, senior, amigo, pal, etc my gf has been calling me man and senior and for the first time ever I’ve reacted weirdly because I’m actually hearing it. I feel like this might be stress related as this has never been an issue to my knowledge and I have referred myself as man before.
    .having troubles getting through my days.
    .getting nervous I look to feminine all the time.
    .spending almost every free moment with my head analyzing, hiding, and reviewing EVERYTHING about myself and it’s exhausting. I’ve been told even on here I may have ocd and can’t look up from my phone anymore as I get nervous without it around.

    There are is a lot more I can add but is this the start of being trans? I’ve had tons of moments where I know this is in my head and lots of other times where this feels like the new norm. I’m afraid to try out feminine things as I may like them them which seems weird but at the same time I feel like I’m posting on here 24/7 hoping for answers I’m just not sure I’m going to get. Maybe therapy…
     
  2. Lchaos44

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    I should also say I’m seeing women far more often than I used to as before this I feel like was noticing men which made me uncomfortable sexually so I feel like I’m second guessing my self all the time. I’m uncomfortable listening to my music or watching my shows now as I feel like I have to notice this and it makes me scared I’m feminine.
     
  3. ash675

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    It doesn’t sound like you’re trans. Having wanted to be seen as more manly makes me think what you’re experiencing isn’t being a different gender, instead it’s an issue with your sense of worth and how you view your own masculinity. However, it’s possible you’re overcompensating for the sense that you’re not a man by wishing that you were a man: feeling like you can never be male enough because you don’t have that sense of gender inside. Remember that there are more genders than male and female, and you don’t have to identify with a gender at all. If you feel like your gender can’t be desrcibed as male or female, you might be nonbinary or genderqueer. Explore what makes you comfortable. What seems like the right solution? Do you want to be seen as female, or as male?
     
  4. chicodeoro

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    Lchaos, a number of us have said this already but, again, nothing you've written here over the last week has given any indication whatsoever that you are trans.

    Yes - this is the problem. Whether it is OCD, I don't know. I'm not an expert in that field. You should seek a medical opinion about it though and try and calm yourself down.
     
  5. Lchaos44

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    That’s deep!
    I’ve always wanted to be seen as male but at the same time have always felt male. Yet part of me could never could reach that level so perhaps I overcompensated. However I 100% want to be what I was before this this. While perhaps a bit confusing I enjoyed my life and loved who I was. I enjoyed being me but it’s like that switch has turned off and this is terrifying. I’ve never spent any time being a woman or wanting to try and be so because of it I have no experience with this lifestyle and would prefer not to go down this line. I’m not against a few brighter clothing options or maybe some skin care but makeup, clothing, the disconnect from my genitals, and the missing of my old hobbies is a little more than I’m will to sacrifice for this this life. Had I have been someone who had more signs of this in the past or perhaps experiment more then okay but not now. I want to be a man for sure I just don’t know if it’s an option anymore.
     
  6. Lchaos44

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    I knkw but it just doesn’t turn off but my head is changing as well…