Is there something wrong with me

Hey I wouldn't say I have experience but from what you have written it sounds like there could be a couple of things going on.

Firstly you could be bi and just not into him. When someone shows interest in us it's flattering, even if we don't feel the same so it's easy to get swept along with it. My only doubt on this reasoning is that you say you have never really crushed on a guy. Have you crushed on girls?

Secondly you could be gay but just have a social conditioning that you like guys and so the attraction you feel is what has been built into you. You mention your friends were all into him so perhaps that made it seem more exciting etc.

someone else might have some better pearls of wisdom but what I will say which is quite clear is that if you don't like him and you aren't enjoying it, then you definitely have to end it. You don't have to give a detailed explanation about everything you have going on if you don't want just say that you aren't into him like he is you and you don't want to lead him on.

 

Breaking up with him feels harsh but he deserves to be with someone who feels the same way for him and the longer you wait the harder and more painful it will be. Feeling bad about it just means you are a nice person.

 

First, I just want to point out that at the beginning of your post, your reasons for dating this guy seem like a check list of qualities you think you should look for in a man, not qualities you actively want in a man. You say that all of your friends were obsessed with him, but were you obsessed with him?

I agree that it's possible you're bi, and you just don't like this one man. After all, you said you had sex for the first time ever with him, so it is possible that you two just aren't compatible. But it also sounds like you know your feelings for women are different, and maybe even deeper than what they are for men. You could be a lesbian experiencing the effects of living in a heteronormative society.

You seem to be confused about possibly being a lesbian, while also having sexual feelings in a relationship with a man. I don't know what's in your head, or what you're feeling, but I think it's important for you to define what "sexual attraction" is to you. Are you sexually attracted to him, and his body, or are you just into the idea of him, and the attention he gives you? Do you fantasize about him specifically, or parts of his body? Do you like him, or do you like that he likes you, and that he's the type of person you think you should be with? Do you like him, because he's your boyfriend, or is he your boyfriend because you like him? Only liking guys who have liked you first, as you said, isn't necessarily indicative of genuine attraction. If you haven't already, I'd suggest looking into compulsory heterosexuality. A lot of what you've written sounds like textbook comp het. I could go on for hours talking about comp het and social conditioning, so feel free to hit me up if you want to chat!

For now though, you don't have to stress about what label suits you best. Maybe you should just sit with your thoughts for a bit, and do a bit of digging into your subconscious. And you should never be with someone, regardless of gender, who you know you're not really into. You shouldn't ever have to settle, no matter how you end up identifying!

 

I think the fundamental point which you have to consider is are you happy in the relationship. If not then regardless of sexuality you should end the relationship now. If you are happy then perhaps you need to just give it a bit more time. However like you say if you only like the relationship because of how much everyone around you likes it then long term it isn't going to work.

 

A lot of people have already given great advice here, and it sounds like you're taking a lot of it to heart--which is fantastic! The biggest advice I have is definitely to break up with him. Not just because you shouldn't have to settle, but because I genuinely think that doing so might help you to discover the "real" nature of your sexuality. Breaking up with him very well may allow you to explore your feelings to other guys (as well as other girls), because you won't have to worry about him any longer--he won't even be in the picture.

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of a bit over a year and a half. Technically we were engaged, but I don't even like to think about that. Let me be honest here: he's a great guy, and as a person, I love him. But I don't know if I ever loved him, or if I loved how much he loved me. I don't know, but I did have very strong amounts of affection for him. Honestly, as far as sex goes, it took over a year for us to do anything (I wasn't ready), and even after that we only had sex I think maybe five or six times? And out of those five or six times, I enjoyed it exactly once.

Despite that, I'm not a lesbian. That has less to do with being with a guy than it does having sex when I wasn't ready / wasn't mentally prepared. The reason I'm saying this particular bit is just that I want to point out that you being bored during sex with him might truly be because it's him, and not because you're not that into guys.

I want to ask a question, although it's perfectly possible that you might not know the answer to it just yet (and if you don't, then that's fine). You say that you are "physically attracted" to him, but what do you mean, exactly? To borrow handy-dandy terminology from the asexuals, do you mean that you feel aesthetically (you like how someone looks, but don't necessarily desire sex, romance, or other forms of intimacy; they may or may not be your "type," but you appreciate them from an aesthetic point) or sexually attracted (at least on some level you desire sex or intimacy with him. this is completely independent of what your feelings are like when the two of you are having sex) to him? The reason I ask is because if at any point you have felt genuine sexual desire to him (even though you've been bored when it's happening), that can go a long way in saying that you're bisexual.

And, in fact, it's perfectly possible that you're bisexual with a strong preference for females.

But if that's not the case, and you're a lesbian--there's definitely nothing wrong with that!

 

I can completely relate to this, and I too have felt broken for the longest time.

I developed 'crushes' on girls, though I didn't really fantasise sexually about them, and it was usually when they showed interest in me when I started to feel like I really liked them. Whenever these budding relationships collapsed, I was never upset.

I can admire their beauty, and even want to kiss them, though when I do it always feels flat. I have also attempted to have sex with 4 girls, could only perform for 2 and those experiences were so boring to me.

I am still having difficulty seeing guys as romantic partners, I am still dealing with internalised homophobia, but I can now see I was never really attracted to girls, despite being completely convinced that I was.