1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Is there any way to be certain you're transgender?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by tranonymous, Feb 24, 2017.

  1. tranonymous

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2017
    Messages:
    162
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Middle Earth (aka New Zealand)
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think that I'm transgender (MtF) but I'm really bad at over examining myself, and I keep thinking "what if I'm just fooling myself" I really want this to be real but I just don't know.
    I know this is probably a stupid question, but is there any way to know for sure?
    Just so I can say to myself "yes this is definitely happening" and not constantly be questioning everything.
     
  2. Daydreamer1

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2011
    Messages:
    5,680
    Likes Received:
    20
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Have you considered talking to a gender therapist about what you're experiencing? If not, they can help you out a lot, especially if you're having doubts or feeling lost.
     
  3. tranonymous

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2017
    Messages:
    162
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Middle Earth (aka New Zealand)
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Yeah, I haven't told anyone that I'm questioning my gender, because I'm scared of coming out and then realising that I was wrong.
     
  4. Irisviel

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2015
    Messages:
    410
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    EU
    to be certain you need a psychologist and psychiatrist (but mostly the former really) to exclude some rare cases of having other issues. And really apart from that introspection can work when you do it just in your own but people are not great at evaluating their own mental state so yeah. Clinical psychologist or a specialized gender therapist, sometimes a psychiatrist but only if the psychologist advises you to go there too.

    I know it sounds clinical but that's being real. The only way to exclude any bad judgement on your end is to reach out for professional advice. Forum can help too but you need to be good at asking questions to get anything out of it (and even then it's just a bandaid).
     
    #4 Irisviel, Feb 24, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2017
  5. Idkwhatisgoinon

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2017
    Messages:
    14
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New Jersey
    I have a almost have the same probably so I know the exact struggle you are going through I belive that i may also be transgender(FtM), I really do not know how to be sure. I have not told anyone about my questions, but I know I'll get through it and so will you.
     
  6. Matto_Corvo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2015
    Messages:
    2,270
    Likes Received:
    49
    Location:
    Portland, Oregon
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    This might not be helpful, but most personal stories I read have the person saying they were never fully sure into after they had already started HRT.

    Doubts and worries are common for Trans people.

    The best things you can do is experiment with your gender. Find out what you like and don't like. Try female clothing or in video games or online games present yourself as a female, try out a female name. Pay attention to what makes you feel good.
    I believe this be how a lot of us start down the path of knowing for sure.
    From there it is highly recommended just looking up things at MtF , just others' experiences in discovering themselves, and of course see if you can get a gender therapist. Or a regular therapist willing to talk about it since you aren't out.

    For my self I kept setting deadlines...."I'll go by this name online for so long" or "if I still feel this way after so many months then I might be trans"

    Not sure if that is helpful for everyone though
     
  7. Assassin'sKat

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2016
    Messages:
    645
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    Your head, zombie.
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    You could always see a doctor. See if you are suffering from gender dysphoria. It's medically diagnosable.

    Also sorry if my phrasing of that was a little too blunt or anything.

    Anyway, I highly recommend talking to a doctor.
     
  8. Kodo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2015
    Messages:
    1,826
    Likes Received:
    848
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I would say that the most simple way to be sure if you are transgender is by asking yourself if you if transitioning would make you happier in the long run. Another thing that was reassuring, at least to me, was the fact that cis-people almost never question their gender. To be questioning at all means you are probably some kind of trans (binary or otherwise).

    Most of the time the primary things we fear early in transition is rejection, pain, and cost. This has nothing to do with whether one is or is not trans though. So ask a question like, "if your body could magically and permanently be changed to the opposite of your birth sex, would you do it?" I'd answer yes in a heartbeat. But in reality the issue comes along when I consider how painful the procedures might be or how long they'll take, whether they'll be "passable" and how much it would cost. So my problem isn't whether I know I'm a man, but how I physically and emotionally make that journey.

    For you, I would do some introspection at this time. Try to get to the heart of your own thinking. I think it is safe to say that all trans people go through this kind of questioning. Here are some questions to get you thinking, aside from the aforementioned:

    -If your family was unequivocally supportive, would you transition?
    -Does a future in which you are living as a man make you sad? Why or why not?
    -What does it mean to be a woman?
    -If transition was painless and instant, would you do it?
    -If transition was free, would you do it?
    -Take a step back from all the notions you have of gender. If you were living absolutely free of restraints, what would you look like?
    -Are the next few years of expense and pain worth a lifetime of authenticity?

    Beyond this, a gender therapist would be the best bet on moving forward. It is what they're trained for, after all.
     
    #8 Kodo, Feb 25, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2017
  9. tranonymous

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2017
    Messages:
    162
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Middle Earth (aka New Zealand)
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Thanks for all the answers.
    I guess I was hoping that I'd be able to figure this all out quickly, But now I see that's unrealistic.
    I'll just have to keep researching and experimenting, and try to figure it out slowly.
    Anyway thanks again.
     
  10. Hats

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2015
    Messages:
    374
    Likes Received:
    38
    Location:
    Neverland
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I wanted to know 100% straight away too, but in the end being forced to take the scenic route proved to be much better because it enabled me to deal with a bunch of other things which were interfering. Don't beat yourself up. :slight_smile:
     
    #10 Hats, Feb 26, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2017
  11. tranonymous

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2017
    Messages:
    162
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Middle Earth (aka New Zealand)
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I've thought a bit about all this, and I think I'm certain enough to know that this is the path I want to walk (I'm not saying that I'm going to rush it or anything, just that I think I've accepted that despite the uncertainty this is who I am).
    As I have more than enough doubt and uncertainty, I've changed my "about me" section so it doesn't keep reminding me how uncertain I am.
     
  12. Sinopaa

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2013
    Messages:
    608
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Uh...*pushes Onstar*
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Being able to even acknowledge it's the path you want to take is a feat in itself for us. The thing I found difficult at first was asking the questions that moved me forward. My advice is to make a list of things you want to achieve with this and think on those things. It helps you to set up goals and how to work towards doing them in a way that's achievable for you. It helps in getting away from doubting yourself and your decisions. My first goal was to find a new name, then call myself that and she in my mind. If you want to talk about transition stuff in-depth I'm happy to help. :slight_smile: