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Is there a right time?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Elysian, Jul 17, 2017.

  1. Elysian

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    Hey guys,

    So basically, I just spent a year and a half away from my home country and life was so different for me in a foreign country and I feel like I've grown a lot as a person. Meanwhile back home things were not as progressive for my family as it was for me and basically a lot of negative and bad events, incidences and general bad luck occurred while I was gone- putting a pretty big strain upon the stress of my family missing me.

    So now I've found myself, having gained my metaphorical balls to come out, and my family are having a pretty shitty time after a rough year that is still continuing on.

    I know this is a pretty bad time for them, and it's now something I am working through also, but is there a right time to come out? I've never been at this stage in my life with admitting my sexuality to my parents and today I was about a hair's width away from opening up to my Mother, what I want to know; is it right to delay coming out to when I feel the time is right for myself AND my family? Or is this something that I should be selfish and dismiss the appropriateness of timing for others?
     
  2. Quantumreality

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    Hey Elysian,

    I'm very happy that you were able to take time away from your home and grow as a person. Being a more confident person is mostly about understanding and accepting who you really are. (And sexuality is only a piece of the puzzle that is 'you.')

    The 'right' time to Come Out is when you feel comfortable enough and ready to do so. I'm very sorry that your family has been going through rough times, but you have to remember that Coming Out is about you, not them. If they take your Coming Out as 'yet another piece of bad news', that is on them. If they truly understand, they should be happy that you have become much more knowledgeable about yourself and have gained enough confidence in yourself to take the courageous step of trusting them with the personal and private information that you are bisexual.

    Ultimately, though, only you can decide when the time is 'right.'

    Best of luck! Stay strong!:slight_smile:
     
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  3. Hillary B

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    Wow good advice from Quantum (above).
    Um without sounding like a religious heavy hitter - I'm not - may I suggest what the Bible says about removing the mote (moat?) from your own eye before you can help others. Not that I'm comparing coming out to a bit of gunk in yr eye. .
     
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  4. Quantumreality

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    Interesting phrasing. What you are trying to talk about is the "mote" in God's Eye.:slight_smile:
     
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  5. Hillary B

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    Thanks Quantum reality for settling the biblical record and just a word Elysian - seriously good luck with your 'when to come out' choice. Is it a choice? Feels more like a dilemma really.
     
  6. Confused boi

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    Just wait until things calm down I have yet to come out to my parents but I have came out to my friends
     
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  7. TrevinMichael

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    This whole process of coming out is hard. We are who we are. If people love you they will accept you. I know there is no certain time to tell others things, but I hope you are doing okay in Ireland with your family no matter what you tell them.
     
    #7 TrevinMichael, Jul 21, 2017
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2017
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  8. TrevinMichael

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    There is nothing wrong with being who you are.
     
  9. PatrickUK

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    There isn't really a right time to come out, but there can be a wrong time to come out and we sometimes need to use our judgement and avoid rushing in with our big announcement just because we are ready and eager. I know that can be incredibly difficult because we put so much time, effort and self work into accepting ourselves, but if you introduce a potentially difficult subject (your sexuality) during a time of crisis or family trauma, you could make matters worse for them, and by extension, yourself. They will not appreciate it and may hold it against you. I'm sure you don't want that.

    Is there an end in sight to all of the stress and pressure that your family has been through? If there is, it might be a good idea to just bide your time and mentally prepare for the day when you come out to them.

    Coming out is a journey and not a race. The longest and hardest part of the journey is the process of coming out to ourselves and arriving at a place of self acceptance. You've already made it to that point, but it doesn't mean the rest of the journey is a sprint to the finish.
     
    #9 PatrickUK, Jul 22, 2017
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2017
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  10. Hillary B

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    This post is all about Elysian and rightly so. But I have to say I so rate Patrick's (fellow UK citizen I'm guessing, hi) response here. If I may to chip in again I'd just say that my come out count stands at one. Yes just one, a woman I met on my commuter train (altho fast becoming a good friend especially - or despite? Noooo@! - after I dropped my little bit of news on her.)
    I nearly made it two today but I too mislaid my metaphorical balls.
    SO yes it's a marathon not a sprint.
     
  11. Elysian

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    Sorry for being a reprobate and douchenozzle for not replying before now. I really appreciate your advice guys and I decided to put it off again- but instead of tiptoeing I've decided to be more passive aggressive and I've been dropping subtle hints here and there- which all in all I think has been a pretty good step in the right direction. Again, major thanks to you guys. Hope you're all keeping well and I wish you all the best of luck with your journeys. Don't be strangers! :slight_smile:
     
  12. mlm1234

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    theres never a right time, people say they will wait for the right time, because its not know. there will never be a right time, u just have to go out and make it the right time.
     
  13. TrevinMichael

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    when do straight people come out?

    It should not matter what orientation one is.

    We are all humans and all worth love.

    hate is something that is very strange to me

    I would rather love others.

    What ever happens I hope your family embraces you for who you are.