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Is sexual orientation a choice?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Rade, Sep 13, 2018 at 1:44 PM.

  1. Rade

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    Hello EC friends
    Is sexual orientation a choice?
    I am being serious and not taking the pee.....
    I believe I was born bisexual/gay. Even before puberty I knew I was different from other boys. Puberty just cemented it.....
    However I was talking to someone the other day who has a gay son and she said it is a choice!!!!
    What do other members feel?
     
  2. tystnad

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    No. The idea that being lgbt is a choice is a false idea spread to discredit experiences and to pretend homosexuality isn't real. It leads to a lot of dangerous practices, such as conversion therapy or (especially amongst women) rape to 'correct' sexuality. This does much more harm than it does good, and ultimately serves as a weapon against the lgbt community. There is a lot of evidence that sexual orientation is something you are born it, and while some people do report a certain fluidity in their attraction, it is not a choice.
     
  3. Nickw

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    Wow! It's amazing that some people still think this. Anyone who goes through what most of us did when we came to grips with our same sex desires know the answer. I wouldn't change my orientation if I could...now. Because it is who I am. But, there were so many days I tried to pray away this "affliction" as I believed it was back when.

    This is an opportunity to gently educate this woman. No one chooses their sexuality. I feel for her son and hope she comes around and learns the science and the truth.
     
  4. Chiroptera

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    No, it isn't. No one chooses to become LGBT+, exactly how no one choose to be straight.
     
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  5. Altanero

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    I thought a lot about it when I realized that I liked boys... And, even if I can find a lot of "gay" situations when I was a child, now I'm not sure of that feelings are the result of being naturally gay, since childhood, or I'm obsessively looking for past "reasons" of being gay. So finally I ended up looking for that. I don't think that sexual orientation is a choice, but, even if it is, I don't care. I am what I am, I like what I like.
     
  6. Love4Ever

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    I always find people who seem so intent on proving whether it's a choice or not amusing. It usually seems to be religious people too, probably like that woman you mentioned. Personally, I don't care. I just don't. It makes no difference to me. I will do what I want and date who I want anyway. My response to people who say it's a choice? So what. If it is, it's MY choice and that doesn't make it wrong.
     
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  7. Cinnamon Bunny

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    No. People have been trying to change their sexual orientation for a very long time through faith, discipline, or therapy with no success. Sigmund who started some of the bad psychology around sexuality even said himself there was nothing to be done to change someone's sexuality. Well known ex-gay religious groups have even renounced their statements to change someone's sexuality.

    I think the reality that some people are bi or fluid has lend people to think there is a choice.

    We can also ignore feelings, beat ourselves up for feeling, disconnect emotionally, fool ourselves, live a lie... which is a choice... the choice to avoid reality and internal experiences which can have profound psychological effects. Avoiding or denying doesn't change reality though. People are still gay, they are just gay and with emotional problems. We don't have a choice what we feel, just how we deal with those feelings.
     
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  8. OGS

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    I think while at it's heart it isn't a choice there are so many choices we make in how we deal with it. I like to think that G*d made me homosexual and it almost killed me, I chose to be gay and it liberated me.
     
  9. Rade

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    Thank you for your comments.......
    I only recently came out to everyone and thought the lady's view was completely wrong......
    She is not a friend and this was in a work setting but I will if I can challenge her view on this again......
    I thought in my case I was born the way I am but her view made me question it so that's why I started this thread....
    The coming out process has made me learn alot about myself but to also question things/opinions.
    I am going to my first LGBT event and I dont want to mess it up!!!!
    Thanks again Rade....
     
  10. Vega222

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    Noone completely knows for sure. I mean maybe it isn't the same for every single of homosexuals.

    I guess in most(at the least) cases, it is mostly caused by genetic and such causes rather than environmental causes.
    Even if it is caused by environmental causes, Still it doesn't mean we choose it at all.

    And about you, I think it is quite safe to assume it wasn't by your choice, unless you have some strong evidences against it.

    P.S: I realized it when i was about 23, But i remember it was with me even when i was a kid. I always knew i'm different.
     
  11. Vega222

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    I used to think the same. Just before i realized i'm gay, I started to hate girls because i thought they are hard-hearted. It was because my friend left me. She was a girl. So i thought maybe that hate made me gay. :‌))
    But it can't be right, Specially because i already started to think that maybe i am a transgender long before she left me.
    Anyway, She came back long ago and i treat her like my sister or something like that. Never thought about her as my girlfriend.

    Now i like girls more than boys (Unfortunately :‌)) ), Because i see men do some violent things. (I do know it's a bit sexist and illogical)
    Still, That bad feeling toward men, doesn't change my sexual preference and i love to be with boys/men.
     
    #11 Vega222, Sep 14, 2018 at 12:08 AM
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2018 at 12:11 AM
  12. Biguy45

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    To be honest, if it was a choice I’d probably choose to be straight. It’s just the way it is. I’m more than ok with it now, but being straight would have been easier.
     
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  13. angeluscrzy

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    Going way back to when I was a kid, I never believed it was a choice. I always figured "Why would anyone CHOOSE to be part of a group that is so often maligned?"
     
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  14. Tightrope

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    This is always a logical answer. It's not a choice. It's the intersection of genetics and environmental forces in a person's life. One could argue that acting on it is a choice. But why wouldn't someone act, or even just feel, based on how they're wired?
     
  15. Tightrope

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    I think that a good number of bisexual folks might feel this way and that the men who feel this way would outnumber the women who feel this way. This is probably an even stronger belief when they're fairly conventional in many areas and don't fit into any subsets of society very snugly.
     
    #15 Tightrope, Sep 14, 2018 at 7:09 AM
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2018 at 7:10 AM
  16. angeluscrzy

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    I tried so hard to just fit the mold of what I felt "normal" was back then.
    Of course I didn't realize back then that every attempt to do so was a betrayal unto myself and only distanced me further from who I was supposed to be.
    I find that this is one reason why a number of gay men seem to have a problem with true emotional intimacy. There are a lot of feelings which we never allowed to flourish because we may have felt it made us immoral or "less than".
    Having fooled around with a friend as a kid, I knew I liked the physical part of gay sex, but never connected emotionally. And as I got older I just started to think it was some sort of penis fetish or something. Like if I fantasized there was never a person to go along with the disembodied organ.
    However, as I have gained more acceptance of my sexuality, I have definitely found that I have a type of guy that attracts me like nothing else can.
    Honestly it is a wonderful feeling because it shows me I was never broken as I may have once thought.
    I was just seeking fulfillment in something that had no chance of offering it to me.
     
  17. Biguy45

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    If it wasn’t for that pesky fondness for other men’s penises I would be straight. Or at least the thought of them
     
  18. Rade

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    Exactly it makes life tough and challenging, it's not a choice for most. But we should be respected like hetrosexual people are....
    Have to keep positive and keep fighting the hate....
     
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  19. Love4Ever

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    I definitely know being non hetero has its challenges. But all that said and done, I won't change. I love being bi. I could have chosen to never explore my feelings for women, but my life is so much richer as a result. So no regrets here. But I'm fortunate enough to be able to have accepting parents and to live where I won't be in danger to be me. And not everyone is.
     
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  20. eron

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    Even if it were a choice, which I don't believe it to be, it's a false choice. The question ignores an entire body of research that confirms that sexuality exists along a spectrum and that it's much more fluid than a simple either/or proposition.