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Is my “straight” friend gay and into me (UPDATE)

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by ScottDavid, Aug 26, 2018.

  1. ScottDavid

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    1. Alright, so I have this "straight" friend whom ive been friends with for a year, and I dont know if he's into me. I'm a straight guy, and id totally be okay if he's into me. I just want some of y'all to give me some advice because I dont want to ask him straight up and make things awkward. I put straight in quotation mark because he said he wasn't interested in girls and lacked a sexuality. He said he couldn't see himself dating a girl; moreover, when I asked him if he could see himself dating a guy, his answer was no. Some of the reasons why I think he might be gay and into me are as follows:
      1. He sometimes texts me some suspicious texts like “I miss you man” or “god I fucking miss you” or “I can’t wait to see you tonight” or “god I fucking love you” or “fuck man why are you so amazing”. There’s this text exchange that speaks volume, it goes like this
      Him: can’t wait to see you ya
      Me: same :wink:
      Me: glad I made your night
      Him: glad you were the one that made it happen
      Me: all the way from Whiby (I’m visiting him from whitby)
      Him: god I fucking love you
      Him: no homo
      Me: lol no homo

      He also sometimes texts “fuck my ass” whenever something is bothering me.

      2. He loves Taylor Swift and Lana del Rey (went to concerts with a guy friend he said)
      3. See more in the following paragraph

      He's been a really good friend, too much of a good friend to the point I think he's treating me like his boyfriend. He's bought me lunch and baked me cookies. I remember one time, I had an interview on campus and forgot my tie. I texted him and told him about it, and he just replied asking what type of dress shirt Iwas wearing and went to campus to bring me a tie. Whenever we'd hang, he would look straight into my eyes and smile. One time during Spring break, we happened to travel to the same city during the same week. I texted him and see if he'd wanna hang, I got a response right away that said "where are you? I'll pick you up right now. We'll go to my favourite restaurant. You know! The one I always talk about?". He's always talked about that restaurant and how it'd really cool to bring me to that restaurant. He then uber me back to downtown to my place (he paid for my uber). He always texts me back right away. I'm talking bout within 5 seconds I'd receive a text back from him. One time I walked him back to his place after school, and he invited me inside insisting that he should make me something to bring home to eat. He made me a burrito and had me bring home. He's a really good cook. He always talks about how I should come over one day and make me dinner. I also remember seeing one of his snaps, it was a snapshot of texts exchanged between him and his sister. The snap basically showed a text of him saying how he only had one friend, and he liked him. I am not sure if his "one friend" is me. He always makes time for me whenever I ask him to hang. Like if I text him and ask him to meet in 10 minutes. He'd always says yes. He knew I had a gf at the time we became friends, and he didn’t care or show jealousy. We recently broke up, and I’m now single. Even now that I’m single, he’s still treating me the same like he’s always been. Maybe just a lot more “I miss you” and “you’re fucking amazing “ texts. He did apologize and said that he’s texting me a lot more “emotional” texts because he’s going through something at work (he’s leaving his internship and that’s why he’s been emotion he said). He hasn’t made a move or anything. He still buys dinner and pay for entrance fee to clubs occasionally. He would tell me that “you’re so funny Elio” and “you’re so cute” when I’m saying something funny. He has only said those in person tho, never once via texts. Whenever I visit him from whitby, he would always pick me up at the station via Uber and Uber us to restaurants. Never once has he asked me to pay for the Uber.

      So what do you guys think? Friendship? Or wants something more?
     
  2. Destin

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    Yea...normally I'd say maybe he's just a good friend and doesn't mind showing emotion but in this case I really can't see how this is anything except a gay crush and treating you like his boyfriend like you said. What you described is so far above what even best friends who have known each other their entire lives do around each other.
     
  3. ScottDavid

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    Lol do we think I should talk to him bout it? Also what should I do?
     
  4. Destin

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    You should probably just casually ask him if he's into you in a gay way and make sure he knows you're fine with it if he is and it won't change your friendship, but you're never going to be open to a relationship with him so you don't want him to have his feelings hurt later on if that is what he wants out of the friendship.
     
  5. faustian1

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    I think you should tell him that he's making it difficult for you to be straight...

    This sure sounds familiar. Are you sure we don't know each other? (just kidding) My last crush on someone, 25 years ago and the one that finally cured me of crushes altogether, sure resembled your friend's interest in you. Unfortunately, mine didn't turn out well at all, like so many crushes don't turn out well. At least in your case, it appears not to really bother you that much.

    Seriously though, do you expect ever to find a relationship where the other person is so into you? This may be one of those once-in-a-lifetime opportunities. At least it would be, if you were inclined to consider it.

    But seriously, tell him it's kind of cool to have a groupie. From the tone of what you wrote, it appears you do like it.
     
  6. ScottDavid

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    I guess I wouldn’t mind kissing him. You think I should go for it? What if he’s totally straight and is not interested at all?
     
  7. Tightrope

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    This is getting interesting. Since you don't seem to mind, is he a good looking guy? You tolerate it pretty well. Then, why don't you mind, whereas a lot of straight guys would get bothered, even if they didn't formally know the other guy was gay?

    From what you write about him, I think he does like guys to some degree. His whole approach to you is effusive. Maybe he wears his heart on his sleeve. Is he a door mat?

    I can't tell you what to do on this one. I just don't want you to lose the friendship. He sounds like a likable person.
     
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  8. ScottDavid

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    He is good looking. We've talked about how he would be a good boyfriend. I don't mind how he's treating me because he hasn't made a move on me. By no means he is a door mat. Although he hasn't said no to be before.
     
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  9. faustian1

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    Well, yeah I do. But there is one thing. He's your friend, so I don't think you should lunge at him. You sort of have to discuss this first.

    So next time he loves on you with one of those messages, you could always reply..."I've been wondering what it would be like to kiss you."
    Stranger things have happened in the world. As another person wrote, "this is really getting interesting."

    I just want to make sure I don't lead you to do something based on a misunderstanding. Seems to me that you know each other well enough to articulate some of this things before you take the plunge. By the way, cuddling is good too.
     
  10. ScottDavid

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    He recently had me over for dinner. It was obvious that he went all out. He said he spent 6 hours in the kitchen making the food. The presentation and the food was like restaurant quality. I honestly felt like it was a date. He took a pic of me and said I looked cute and adorable. He even walked me home afterwards. Am I overthinking that someone who isn’t interested wouldn’t go to this length to “pull dinner”?
     
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  11. RainbowGreen

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    Lol, I can tell you, this is not something a straight guy would do for his best friend.

    It really does seem like he's into you.
     
  12. Chip

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    I'm inclined to agree. This may be a situation where he's got an internal battle going on (and perhaps you do also) where he knows he likes you and wants more, but he also is deathly afraid of what that means.

    It may simply be that you need to gently but directly address the situation in one of the ways that's been suggested above.
     
  13. Zen fix

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    There's enough here that I think you can assume he is straight. I get the sense that you're curious too. I think maybe you could take him up on making you dinner and try to discuss it. Be honest with him about whether or not you are interested in him.